Posted on 08/21/2016 10:55:46 AM PDT by Gamecock
Despite rampant social media rumors, Steven Furtick's Elevation Church did not get a water slide baptismal.
The report stems from a post on the Christian satire site The Babylon Bee.
Pastor Steven Furtick took the stage under a single spotlight, and after some coy banter, he reportedly announced that it was "Baptism Sunday," but that this was "not your Mama's Baptism Sunday." At this cue, a giant water slide, stretching from the balcony down to a small pool of water, was unveiled from behind a large curtain as the worship band began performing TLC's 1994 hit "Waterfalls."
The Babylon Bee claims to be "Your trusted source for Christian Satire News."
The Bee's story continues:
Those, like Marie Dotwiler, who had been ushered to the new entrance were directed one-by-one into the orange contraption and, with a push, sent hurtling toward the waters of baptism in screaming identification with the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. The church had hired auctioneers to stand along the sides of the slide and speedily utter the phrase, "I baptize you in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit" as the unsuspecting congregants whooshed by into the pool below.
"Otherwise we can't count it," Larry Hubatka told reporters.
Hubatka is the Creative Pastor and chief architect of what has been dubbed by leadership "Splashtism Sunday." "The water slide is fun," said Hubatka, "but the whole reason we did this is to get the most number of people baptized in the least amount of time possible. If we can't count some of these baptisms because someone didn't utter the right words, or because someone's head wasn't completely submerged, then what's the point?"
"That article that was publish was 100% false," Elevation Church told Charisma News in a Facebook message. "All of their articles are false. We are so sorry for any confusion that the article may have caused. We do not have a water slide. We take baptisms very seriously at our church. We believe baptism is the outward expression of an inward decision to put your faith in Jesus."
Other stories on the site include Ken Ham's Ark Replica Taken Into Heaven, Nation's Hospitals Prepare for Influx Of Shell-Shocked VBS Volunteers and Man of God Perfects the Side Hug™.
The Babylon Bee's Elevation Church post garnered more than 8,000 likes, nearly 7,000 shares and more than 1,000 comments on Facebook.
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Maybe the slide will be a tribulation slide for many like the one in Schwarzenegger’s.. “The Running Man.”
-——We believe baptism is the outward expression of an inward decision to put your faith in Jesus.”-——
Correct answer....
For us heretics and those of invincible ignorance....
They didn’t get one but they are kicking themselves for not thinking of it.
Hers is the pic from the Babylon Bee:
(I love the Babylon Bee)
Remember when you didn’t have to be informed that obvious satire was satire?
The church had a beautiful baptismal pool that stretched all the way across the width of the church. Converts would walk from the sides slowly deeper, stepping down till they reached the center where it was deep enough for the immersion.
One Sunday, the pastor was still going strong when the children’s church let out early. Suddenly behind him everyone heard a splash and saw there were two boys doing freestyle across the pool. One of the deacons ran up to meet them as they got to the other side. “What are you kids doing!?” he said. They said, “It’s okay mister! We’re bus kids, so this is our pool too!”
I attended a couple Bering Sea baptisms when I was stationed in Alaska. We had an incredible Chapel program overseen by a true saint. Those who got baptized braved water in the 30-40 degree range as they ran out and got dunked.
I’ll never forget that chaplain— he was in that surf for probably 20 minutes. He was living proof of modern miracles—our briefings all gave a 15 minute limit before irreversible hypothermia.
Since when is “baptismal” a noun?
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