Posted on 03/21/2015 3:38:46 PM PDT by Mrs. Don-o
This past week has seen the outrage generated by parents of donor and invitro-fertilization children following a now-infamous Panorama magazine interview conducted with the fashion designers Dolce & Gabbana, wherein Domenico Dolce proclaimed, You are born to a mother and a father or at least thats how it should be. I call children of chemistry, synthetic children. Immediately, Elton John advocated a boycott of the designers products in retaliation for the perceived offense against his two sons, who were conceived via an egg donor and surrogate mother.
Speaking as two donor-conceived young womenalive because of reproductive technologieswe felt an urgent need to respond in support of Dolce and Gabbana.
Johns children were commissioned in partnership with his spouse, David Furnish, and it is not yet public information which man is the biological father, or if they both are and the children are not fully genetically related. The hashtags #BoycottDolceGabbana as well as #BoycottEltonJohn are trending on Twitter, with a multitude of parents defending IVF and their beautiful children.
It is important to note, however, that infants, toddlers, and all of these miracle beings are too young to protest their own objectification. We however, are now of age and in a position to speak for ourselves. Synthetic indeed is a harsh and inaccurate description of us offspring born by third-party reproduction. Dolces word choice was a mistake. But there is much underlying truth in what he said: life [does] have a natural flow, there are things that should not be changed. Emphasis ours.
Those of us conceived non-traditionally are full human beings with equal capacity in every regardno one need question our humanity. It is not our individual, case-by-case worth as humans that is debatable; rather, it is how we value human beings in general that warrants discussion. Has anyone asked John for how much he purchased his kids? How much money he and Furnish paid the boys genetic and birth mother for their absence and invisibility?
Has anyone asked Elton John for how much he purchased his kids?
I (Alana) remember when I was in school and I told my then-best friend the truth about my conception. When our friendship frayed, as tween friendships do, she released my secret as gossipinvisible, quiet, and as poisonous as carbon monoxide fumesand I became the test-tube girl. The label was humiliating.
Later, in a college English class we studied Brave New World, and it immediately became one of my favorite works of fiction, up there with Gattaca. What we were essentially studying was what it means to be human. My classroom was located in Cupertino, California, and even in my liberal environment the teacher and students took heed at Huxleys warning against manufactured people and the outdated nature of mothers.
The class was angry at the possibility of such a worldthey felt that their humanity and most important relationships (like the one with their mothers and fathers) were being threatened. The din got to a point where I had to raise my hand and speak up. I was 17 years old. I barely understood myself, let alone the world, and I said simply and defensively, I was conceived with reproductive technologies.
The class was silent for a very long time. Finally, a boy sitting next to me offered solemnly, Well, she seems like a perfectly fine human beingmaybe we shouldnt be so hysteric.
I am indeed a human being. My liver, heart, hair, and enzymes all work the same. Ive discovered it is my psychology that is different and not-quite-right, due to my conception. Its not a matter for doctors to fix; its a spiritual problem. My father accepted money, and promised to have nothing to do with me. My mother was wonderful and I have always loved her deeply, as she has loved me.
But my journey is a battle against the void left by my fathers absence, and a particular disability in understanding the difference between sacred and commercial, exploitation and cooperation. Those torments for me far outweigh any social stigma or momentarily painful gossip Ive endured from ignorant people.
For children whose genetic or birth mothers absence has been commissioned, they will ask, Where is my mother? Like this young author at The Anonymous Us Project:
Im 14 and live with my father. He always told me that my mom died when I was very young. Recently I was going through some files and found out that I was actually born by a person who donated their egg and I was born through a surrogate mother in Virginia. This led me to believe that my father was never married. Im also very sure my dad was never married because I discovered that he is gay. Why would my dad keep this all from me?
Implicitly stated in this post is that the authors father considered a dead mother to be better, healthier than an egg donor or surrogate mother.
My father accepted money, and promised to have nothing to do with me.
And I (Hattie) have undergone a strikingly similar experience; my mother informed me of my true parentage when I was 14, and it was, as they say, irrevocable. My mothers then-husband had waited until they divorced to permit her to tell me, and the revelation of his not being my biological father clarified an overwhelming amount of issues between us. For a multitude of reasonshis background, my personality and beliefs, our lack of biological connectionthe cards were stacked against our having a conventional, loving father-daughter relationship. And we didnt.
One of the greatest tragedies of donor conception is the loss of belonging: to family, to a culture. Essentially, one becomes malleable like an infant. I crave a home. I see myself as I travel in many directionsdoing anything in order to find one.
Through the storytelling of other donor-conceived individuals, and scientific research pertaining to third-party reproduction and genetics, I have discovered that my situation is by no means unique, and I now understand the scientific explanations as to why my social father and Iup to a certain pointwere unable to bond. It is natural for me to desire my father, for evolution has blessed those that secure such a bond with better survival rates.
The lack of my biological fathers presence is a devastating reality, a burden I will likely bare my entire existence. And now, knowing the truth of my conception, when I remember my past I remember everything that was absent from it.
Team Elton is literally promoting the obliteration of mothersnot through vilification, but by pretending they dont even exist.
Team Elton, and the media that surround them, seem to think that this discussion is about gay parents. Team Dolce and Gabbana are instead trying to draw attention to missing parents. And to what should be the horror of millions, Team Elton is literally promoting the obliteration of mothersnot through vilification, but by pretending they dont even exist.
Dolce and Gabbana, on the other hand, have recently unveiled two campaigns celebrating women and motherhood. And while this emphasis is unprecedented in the world of fashion, it seems a most rational tribute; these men spend hours designing garments made specifically to compliment womens bodies; their handsmeasuring and configuringare constantly in proximity to a female figure. While fitting bustiers to real womens bodies the last 30 years, perhaps Stefano or Domenico once considered to themselves, Hmm, I wonder what these breast things are for?
Im Sicilian and I grew up in a traditional family, made up of a mother, a father and children. I am very well aware that there are other types of families and they are as legitimate as the one Ive known, says Dolce, attempting consolation amid the uproar against he and his business partner. Currently, the family dynamic that has proved the healthiest and most successful has been the traditional one, and that of Dolces experience: A mother, a father, and ensuing offspring from the sexual and social union of the two sexually complimentary parents.
In the study My Daddys Name Is Donor, it was found that, Regarding troubling outcomes, even with controls, the offspring of lesbian couples who used a sperm donor to conceive appear more than twice as likely as those raised by their biological parents to report struggling with substance abuse, an alarming result displaying the reality of being raised without both genetic parents. In order to obey the desires of one parent we must agree to the obliteration of the other.
Some suggest that spending more money on making children means that they are more loved. Our children are definitively wanted, they say.
The baby doesnt care anything about the money, says marriage and family therapist Nancy Verrier, regarding the issues surrounding surrogacy. Thats not what hurts the baby. The baby is hurt by the separation, by the loss of that mother that it knows.
This ever-present realization of loss remains with both mother and child throughout their lives. Nature has ensured that mothers and children attach to one another, as it is a trait necessary to our survival; without motivation to love or instinctively care for her child, why would a mother protect her children from potential danger? She wouldnt, and that would have heralded the end of our species. With this biological connection so immediate and meaningful, why doesnt society view maintenance of that connection as more imperative?
Dolce and Gabbana are realists whose daily work consumes their time with raw natural materials. They work hard to understand the practical applications and limitations of tangible thingssilks, leathers, jewels, studs. As masters of their art, they know what is possible, and what is foolish to attempt. They owe their success to their understanding, appreciation, and honoring of the human body.
Growing up donor-conceived, it has been a great struggle to comply with the commandment Honor thy mother and thy father, because in order to obey the desires of one parent we must agree to the obliteration of the other. We plead, we beg: let us honor both our mothers and fathers as essential and irreplaceable.
Thank you, Domenico and Stefano, for your bravery.
"Made, not begotten" makes you a product, an item valued --- valued highly, perhaps --- but valued as a product of a laboratory procedure and a commercial exchange.
And especially by using surrogates, as these authors note, the children are intentionally deprived of natural connections (usually what's disposed of is the mother-bonding) and kinship systems.
Dolce and Gabbana: God bless these brave people.
There are a few moderate homosexuals out there, people like my homosexual friends that are not conservative, but still think it is inappropriate to have gay Scout leaders, and that do not see gay relationships as being a part of “marriage”.
What these kids say will be ignored because “they’re not objective.”
My sister is like that.
Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. But that takes morality and an enlightened, more godly perspective.
Worse, what begins in a lie is a lie.
Well said, Hattie and Alana. Excellent points.
bump.
I’m a little surprised that Elton John is the one who flew off the handle at this. I saw him quoted not that long ago as having been made sad by the realization that his child (children?) would never have a mother as he himself had.
I think there are a lot of homeless children in this world and one would be better off to adopt them that to go to all these great lengths.
Excellent and sad.. We have long known that adopted children have some identity and loss issues that newer types of adoption hope to resolve.. but these babies have to add the artificial conception ...
A missing b I o parent leaves a huge hole in a persons life...no matter what anyone says
Dolce and Gabbana were very brave - and to tell the truth, I didn’t realize that the line was actually named after two real human beings. So it was quite surprising to me.
I had gay friends who were horrified at the thought of “gay marriage” or any of the other parodies, because they realized they were not being (and couldn’t be) married but were being used politically.
I lived in SF, and I have known very many good and ethical gay people of both sexes. None of them came from normal families, and they all knew there was a problem - but that actually made them more sympathetic, unlike modern political gays, who are all about hatred and self-justification through government.
I too was a little surprised that Elton John did this. I think one of the problems is that entertainers who might have been quietly gay once upon a time now feel that their public expects them to prove their bona fides by attacking non-gays.
So sad.
My dad died when I was five. My mom remarried a very good man when I was 13. There was always a big part of me missing because of the loss of my father. No one else could fill his absence. When I was little, I cried myself to sleep many nights. To purposely do this to a child is unforgivable.
The issue is identity.
People crave identity and lineage through their parents.
It’s an instinctual emotion.
Many people who are deprived of this feel cheated of part or all of their identity ... many who are adopted feel this way and seek out their biological parents.
Society can try to make it taboo to have this natural instinct but they cannot erase it. They can only hound and bully those who speak out.
I so look forward to the day that these IVF kids start to sue the pants off their selfish whatevertheyare.
I agree with the first part of her sentence.... not the last half. It's not evolution that secures anything.... only God.
I think that the children of these ill-conceived medical creations are at such a serious disadvantage to life.... this is a whole field of prayer.
God Bless Dolce and Gabbana. I may not agree with their lifestyle but by golly I appreciate and admire their courage to speak out for freedom of speech in the face of liberal hatred and intolerance.
I would go out and buy one of their clothing items this weekend if I could afford it.
I can’t imagine how children feel in homosexual families that pretend that one sex is not necessary. I feel led to pray for all kids in homosexual families. Maybe others can join in because these kids have no chance of being raised in the Word Praying a thorny hedge around every child in a homosexual relationship. May God do a mighty work.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.