New Liberal Policy Statement Issued

12/10/2002 | WileyC

[WileyC]

In a bold statement issued today, liberals worldwide have completely redefined liberal 'talking points' to bring them more in line with modern ideology.

Pointing out their strong support for dictatorial regimes in occupied Palestine, Iraq, Sub-Saharan Africa and other places, the announcement removes a number of troubling inconsistencies. Bringing together the combined mutual ideologies of these regimes will result in a liberal platform free from contradictions, the report claims.

Among the many issues resolved:

• Gays are to immediately executed.
• Free speech and free press should be illegal. Likewise for freedom of religion.
• Women are to be subservient to men, working in the home solely. They are to immediately quit any jobs they might currently possess and it is illegal for them to receive any manner of education.
• Free elections are to be suspended in favor of a combination of military dictorship, theocracy and unelected monarchy.
• The targeting of innocent civilians and using children as human shields and fighters is explicitly supported.
• Jews are to be rounded up and subjected to the 'final solution'.
• All dogs, short and long-legged, are to be killed along with their owners.
• All people of African descent are to resume their place as servants of those of Arab descent.

Surprisingly, though, the statement re-affirms their strong support for abortion. The method sanctioned by the document, however, is restricted to 'stoning the harlot to death'.

Several groups announced their immediately dissolution upon the release of this report, some from a total lack of membership as their constituents committed suicide in accordance with their clarifiec beliefs. These include NOW, PETA, NEA, Rainbow-PUSH, ACLU, all gay/lesbian/transgendered organizations, and the San Francisco city council.

[trebb]

The truly sorry thing is that many of them just can't see it - the rest choose to ignore it which amounts to tacit approval. They have become that which they originally organized to defeat...