Dead dog walking
Posted on 12/12/2017 4:13:16 AM PST by MarvinStinson
My fellow Americans, I am sorry to bring you this disturbing and frightening tale from the once great Newsweek magazine.
There are no more news stories to report that will upset you more than this one. The bad news is, the Pences are murderous, irresponsible pet owners. Don't take my word for it, read what crack journalist John Haltiwanger at the venerable giant of a news magazine uncovered in "Mike Pence's Pets Won't Stop Dying": "Vice President Mike Pence's family has lost yet another pet––a cat named Pickle––just six months after cat Oreo died."
Pickle the cat died mysteriously after 16 unbearably long years with the deplorable Pence family. While Oreo lived a shorter time, 13 years is an eternity under the tyrannical rule of Mike Pence. Animal lovers everywhere are gathering torches and pitchforks to head to the Pence household to protest the overly long lives these animals had to endure in the presence of such odious people as the Pences.
Pickle is pictured above looking frantic in the arms of a minor Pence. It's no surprise to the news media why the Pence pets won't stop dying. We would die too if we had to be subjected to the daily brainwashing that must go on in that house. Imagine the Bible reading and the family devotion time and dinners together! Yuck! It's still unknown if Mike Pence would allow Pickle, a female, in the same room with him unaccompanied by his wife, Karen. We're quite sure there was sex discrimination involved.
View image on TwitterView image on TwitterView image on TwitterView image on Twitter
Karen Pence ✔ @SecondLady Rest in peace Oreo. You touched a lot of hearts in your little life. Our family will miss you very much. 10:49 AM - Jun 10, 2017
Not only did two Pence cats kick the bucket recently, but the family dog too! Maverick was a perky beagle who Pence says "died peacefully." We're not sure it wasn't suicide after paging through the Pence Instagram account. How much smiling and family togetherness can a dog stand? The three now dead pets aren't the only animals still being held captive by the widely scorned second family. Some adoption center actually let them adopt a new dog and cat despite having three pets who died under mysterious circumstances!
Newsweek also uncovered that the Pences' rabbit, Marlon Bundo, is being used as bunny labor! The Pences had the audacity to post a photo of Bundo on Instagram being forced to sign an unfair labor contract without legal representation. Surely, impeachment proceedings are coming soon.
Also, Newsweek was informed by an unnamed source that the Trumps think very poorly of the Pences and their animal obsession.Trump "reportedly views the Pences as 'yokels' and 'low class' because of all the animals they've brought to Washington," the article explained.
You know how much we in the news media love our unnamed sources, especially when reporting on the dangerous intrigue of the Pence family pets. Should the identity of Newsweek's whistleblower be uncovered, there's no doubt he or she (or xe) would be gunned down in a failed "robbery attempt" in a Washington, D.C., park. Keeping the identities of our pet detectives secret is of the utmost importance to the freedom of the press. Newsweek concludes:
It is unclear if the stress of Washington life is getting to the Pences' political animals. The typical lifespan for a cat is between 12 to 15 years, so Pickle and Oreo had full lives. The same can be said for Maverick, as beagles typically live between 12 and 15 years, and he made it to the ripe old age of 13. So perhaps there isn't any capital intrigue to the issue.
Great balls of fire, Haltiwanger! Don't backtrack now! We're really onto something! Full steam ahead! Impeachment is right around the corner.
Saphira, the family pet snake, is alive and well.
Remember when, mere months after Bill Clinton left office, his dog "Buddy" met his demise, supposedly hit by a car?
Arkancide.
Buddy knew too much
(They stuffed him and put him in Bubba’s “library”)
Pence has a Harley and a snake.
They can all go pound sand.
I had a 15, a 16, and a 19 year old cat all die during Easter week. And now the sister of the 15 year old has inoperable cancer, which could take her at any time.
Pets grow old, and they die. Why Newsweek would make this a political issue is beyond me.
Dead dog walking
They just keep dying. Over and over again. For the cats, this is no problem. They have at least 9 chances at it.
For the dogs, it’s much more of a problem.
The only problem I see here, is that the author of the article does not know how to think logically, doesn’t know the meaning of words in the English language that he professes to know perfectly, and that this article is stupid from square one.
A better article to write would have been:
“Hillary Clinton’s Associates Just Keep on Dying. Vince Foster an Example”
Because Trump drinks too much Diet Coke
No satire intended in this article... </ s>
Buddy and Sox got along like Bill and Hillary.
Socks did not get along with the frisky Buddy, so the White House had to keep the two in separate quarters. Since this arrangement would be no longer possible in the Clintons’ smaller home in New York, Socks was left under the care of Bill Clinton’s secretary, Betty Currie.
Death
According to the police report, Buddy was killed by a car while “playfully chasing a contractor” who had left the Clinton home in Chappaqua, New York, on January 2, 2002. The Clintons were not home at the time of the accident; their home was being watched by Secret Service agents. The agents rushed Buddy to an animal hospital where he was pronounced dead.[3][4]
In 2005, Clinton acquired another chocolate Lab whom he named “Seamus”.[5]
I just read a full story on the Clinton’s pets at the online Presidential Pet Museum. They must have known too much as they died and or were disposed of like Clinton’s political enemies.
Buddy.. dead
Sox.. banished
Seamus... dead
Bet Hillary had them all castrated so they wouldn’t stray.
” A better article to write would have been:
“Hillary Clinton’s Associates Just Keep on Dying. Vince Foster an Example”
So do Hillary’s dogs.
Fake news and bullshit article. The newsweek article is about the Pence family losing it’s pets over the past couple of years.
The worst from the newsweek article is this:
“Trump, however, is petless. He also reportedly views the Pences as “yokels” and “low class” because of all the animals they’ve brought to Washington.
It is unclear if the stress of Washington life is getting to the Pences’ political animals. “
Stupid stuff but not near as misleading and disingenuous as the article portrayed by pjmedia.
FAKE NEWS
What a name, John Haltiwanger. Coitus interruptus. Surprised he even exists.
:) I really enjoyed reading this. This woman is good.
THE PENCE BODY COUNT!
My father used to subscribe to US News and World Report. He said it actually had some intelligent writers, unlike Newsweek which he always called half baked and derivative, and he thought that Time put all its efforts into Pretentiousness.
Yeah. After I gave up on Time and Newsweek, I tried the USNWR, but found it dull and lacking in something - later, it became obvious the USNWR was not much different than the other two and, I stopped reading that also.
Around then, I just read the TT that came over the wire from various sources at work. I hated it when the darned machines would find a way to jam at some important point occasionally. By the time I got the paper stack unjammed and replaced the story was gone.
Had to read Izvestia, Krocodile, and Pravda for laughs ...
They were doing just fine before moving to DC. Seems suspicious, huh. Proof there’s something in the air and/or water.
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