Posted on 07/24/2017 2:02:46 AM PDT by Oshkalaboomboom
What’s everybody’s big problem with small talk?
There are memes about hating small talk, articles about dodging potential landmines in casual conversation and a move to end the practice altogether. With a new season of “Curb Your Enthusiasm” on the horizon, the biggest hater of small talk, Larry David, is inspiring pieces on how to avoid it altogether.
David has said on the show that he tries “to elevate small talk to medium talk” and he’s really not a fan of the “stop and chat” with an acquaintance. He’s not alone. This month Cosmopolitan UK described people who would “rather walk up five flights of stairs than endure 45 painful seconds” in an elevator with someone they know from work. And a Wall Street Journal article from May promised tips to “Save Yourself From Tedious Small Talk.”
Small talk is filler, that’s true, but is there anything really wrong with that? How else can we get to the deeper stuff unless we start with a less intense line of questioning? Do we really want conversations to begin with “how was your relationship with your parents?” or “describe your worst heartbreak”? We also seem to keep limiting what we’re allowed to say to each other, and that’s unfortunate.
“What do you do?” is now considered impolite. The Huffington Post has called it a “conversation killer” and the Boston Globe’s Robin Abrahams called it “the lamest party question.”
Abrahams writes: “I’ve had people tell me straight up that they find the question rude. Many folks perceive it as a prestige contest — and when it’s preceded by, say, ‘I’m a spinal surgeon and run a private-equity fund in my spare time,’ it’s easy to feel that way.”
But why does everything have to be a competition?
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
Is it about control? Sure - MY control of MY time.
Just because I encounter some random on the elevator, I have to waste precious moments of my day to talk about unimportant nonsense with them, just because THEY feel insecure?
With everybody glued to their d*** smartphones, who talks to other people these days?
+1
I do. My phone stays in a pouch in my purse until it makes one of its annoying noises. People my age (50s) and older tend to respond cheerful to sallies such as, “I come here all the time, so I know which cashiers are quickest,” while those in their 20s and younger get a hunted looks as if they’re seeing a vision of their mother saying, “And remember to smile at people and say something pleasant while you’re waiting!”
It figures the author is female.
Elevator tip—always enter an elevator with your earbuds on.
Whether you are actually listening to anything is up to you.
If you don’t want to talk to the person in the elevator smile at them and point to your earbuds.
:-)
The ability to have a conversation with a stranger is critical to being civilized. Among strangers the first message is, I am not going to hurt you. I am friendly. Among salesmen having a conversation is a critical life skill. If you are looking for someone to spend time with you can generally conduct a chemistry test with a few pleasant words.
I am 63. One thing I have noticed about younger people is they don’t know how to have a conversation. They aren’t necessarily unpleasant. They just don’t know what social lubrication or pleasantness is; let alone how to do it.
About the time I entered school they stopped teaching what they called “deportment.” In deportment they actually taught people how to have a conversation, set a table, welcome a guest, etc. I picked up much of it from my family. But four generations have now gone without basic socialization. Instead we are taught we are racists, bigots and the wrong sex.
Some of the companies I worked for began to realize how bad the employees were regarding communications and socialization. General Dynamics had to send one CEO to charm school so he could have dinner with political figures. He had risen up through the ranks. I heard him speak once and was appalled by what he said and how bluntly he put it. This was after charm school; so the younger the better.
The chat and cut is far more egregious than the stop and chat.
Libs must hate it because it slows them down in getting to the name-calling. Me, I can take it or leave it. I’ve definitely gotten better at it as I’ve gotten older. Practice makes perfect. I’ve heard some Brits live in mortal fear of small talk because he’s afraid if, say, he asks how Mary and the children are, he’ll be told they all burned to death in a fire this morning.
My teenagers are aghast when their father and I make conversation with strangers at the gym. Someone makes eye contact as he wipes his brow, and I’ll say, “Warmer than usual in here ...,” and the next thing, you’re talking about his exercise program or the fact that the a/c is off at his house and his HVAC contractor is so-and-so, and darn, I know him, he goes to my church ...,” and the teens look at you like you’ve suddenly levitated or grown a second head.
My 23-year-old son says that younger people “can’t” do this sort of thing because they interpret even the blandest statement, like, “That machine has been broken all week,” as a sexual advance.
Young women hate it when random men try to flirt with them. Then they get to be our age and miss those days...
“The ability to have a conversation with a stranger is critical to being civilized.”
Someone said probably ten years ago that generations have information at their fingertips, yet, they know nothing.
My husband and my best friend are masters of this art. Put them next to someone in a line or a public venue and within minutes, they’re chatting away and by the end, they have the person smiling. Later encounters will see the person acknowledging them as a *friend*.
I’m horrid at chit chat. I avoid it. Thing is, my girlfriend, who, as said, is talented at it, actually despises what she calls “meaningless conversations.” It’s just that she is a natural at it. She leaves parties early to avoid all this. I have to be dragged, literally kicking and screaming. It may be why we’re friends.
OTOH, I love deep conversations about ‘Life, The Universe and Everything’. I sometimes find younger people in their 40’s who are hungry for this. They will seek out us elders and ask questions about what life was like in the past, who do we think was the greatest POTUS,what do we think about the state of the world, et al. These are not high achievers, but farmers, truckers and housewives, people who have time to ponder such things while doing hard work. I get the feeling they are starving for intellectual stimulation.
I agree that asking personal questions of strangers right off the bat is rude i.e. “Where are you from?” and “What do you do?”.
“What do you do?” in particular usually is a liberal’s question when asked of a woman. I’d be standing there with a baby in my arms and answer, “Stay at home mother”. Liberals always looked down at that answer.
My parents modeled small talk - all 7 of us could carry on a conversation - and not shy from it. It is an art that is going by the wayside - and our country is suffering for it. I try to comment on the skill when I see it in teenagers at church - letting them know that they have a lifetime skill that WILL do them well.
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