Posted on 11/25/2015 12:03:12 PM PST by SoFloFreeper
Happy Thanksgiving and thanks for publishing my column. I'm a big fan of this holiday because few things are more American than boozing up and chowing down 'til your ankles swell and your corduroys pop. In between, you get to watch some football and share your thoughts on the trainwreck presidency of Barack Hussein Obama (hint hint). I consider myself a knowledgable debater because I read up on the blogs and I'm typically one of the most "liked" commenters on the articles.
The reason I'm writing this is because my brother's dumb kid likes to get chatty with me. I've never seen anyone bring so many printouts to the dinner table. His "talking points," he says. Reminds me of my last divorce, all those friggin' printouts. This kid, my nephew, will never admit to being a communist, it's always this "moderate independent" crap. But his Facebook feed is full of Bernie Sandinista, if you know what I mean, and he recently tweeted some gibberish about riding the bus in Czechoslovakia and identifying as a "human being" instead of what he is, an American. He's been a "student" at some Ivy League circlejerk for the better part of a decade.
I think he's 29, who the hell even cares? If he's the future, this country's digging its own grave and I'm glad I won't be there when it finally kicks the bucket. When I was his age, I was flying Ranger battalions into Grenada in '83. I spent Thanksgiving there, and believe me, we didn't have any damn printouts. We had a war, son.
A lot of my buddies have similar situations in their families, and they're always asking me for advice on how to put up with this left-wing propaganda. Well, I'll give you a taste.
He's gonna be all like "you're just giving ISIS what they want."
I'll come back at him with something like: "You know, you raise an interesting point there, Brayden. I'll tell you what, why don't you invite one of your ISIS pals around the house and we'll see how much he likes it when I slash his guts out with the turkey knife. You think that's what he wants? They want us to crush them?
Tell me something, how did you feel when your Little League team got mercy-ruled by those country boys in the district finals? Is that what you wanted? Were you just phoning it in for the "participant" trophy? Is that why you're too afraid to shave that pathetic beard? Because that's what ISIS wants?
Am I bothering you right now? Did I carpet bomb your safe space? Maybe, just maybe, what ISIS really wants is a world with fewer people like me, who've looked evil in the eye and given a few titty-twisters in our day, and more people like the skinny jean cycle jockeys you pal around with at Yale, with your ska music and your websites and "fantasy" sports.
Maybe what ISIS wants is your dental floss forearms that can barely hold a selfie stick, much less a BAR. Do those Vox cards have a talking point for that? Oh, really?
Because I was under the impression that in A-m-e-r-i-c-a, the proper way to usher in the holiday season is with a stiff Rusty Nail, not a "dialogue" about small pox and genocide, unless you want to share your feelings about the mass murder ISIS wants to bring down on your ass? Is that a topic we can let marinate? I bet you had to print out the lyrics to our national anthem when you went to sing it in the quad the night we elected President Hopey Change.
No, you listen. You listen, Brayden. When’s the last time you got a blister on those hands? Don’t mention the time you tried eating the vegan hotdog at the WNBA game you made me take you to out of "fairness." You didn’t even watch the game. You just tweeted about sexism on your iPad. You know, that little computer screen made by Apple, which last I checked was a corporation, Mr. Occupy. Don't deny it, I was watching you. You only looked up when Taylor Swift came over the PA system. How do you think that made Brittney Griner feel? Remind me: What's the name of the union for people who Twitter all day from an air conditioned office? Because I don't think "amateur food photographer" counts as a real job."
I plan to say this to the little pansy in a firm but slightly mocking tone as I pour another bourbon while eating processed turkey and holding a lit cigarette. Email me at rawdawg61@yahoo.com with any questions. Carpe cibum!
I agree. It’s not worth being around people who you really truly at the crux of it, just don’t like.
What about talking to your liberal aunt?
You know, the perpetually menstruating, wine drinking, pseudo intellectual snob.....
Why would anyone let Pajama Boy eat but the card table with the rest of the children?
Wow...somehow gratifying...I love it!
I’ve come pretty darn close to wringing some nephew neck myself. The one who gave the family the pajama boy Obamacare talking points pep talk a couple years ago was very hard to take without busting a gut laughing. All his “facts” were DNC fudged numbers and total BS. It was hilarious.
Ask him if he likes the Eagles or Dallas, smile and hand him a beer
Conservatives are not ideologues conservatives are going ff of the constitution and also a proven way of life.
No need to convince anyone, and it won’t happen on a holiday
If they say something outrageous in front of the kids kindly say, no, that is not correct, to protect the sensibilities of the kids, if you’re there. When they say things to the kids when you’re not there, the kids know instinctively their assertion is untested
The best way to convert someone is to live it. The house is in order, the cooks are happy, the game is on, the food is good, the cars are clean (i always have a clean car when I visit or have visitors) and look your best. Clean and groomed. In style is even better
No sniping no griping no put downs no talk of politics sex or religion
In a few years if they convert they’ll know where to go for mentoring. When they’re ready
St Francis of Assisi said ‘alwaus preach the Gospel. Use words if necessary.’
Not bad
“Go take a bath, take out the piercings, get a hair cut and get a job. Grow up finally and quit being a whiny loser living in your parent’s basement”
You do realize the Archie Bunker character was a foil to make conservatives look like racist rednecks and bigots right?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zcDoyBvCyF8
Irwin gets washed.
Won’t help your cause, but it might make you laugh.
Here’s a fun topic for Thanksgiving: What will Obozo put in his Presidential Library. Since he’s sequestered virtually everything from his past, about the only thing one will find in his Presidential Library is an echo.
I’m fortunate that two of my nephews are God fearin’, church goin’ right wingers.
The third is in the Air Force.
And I'm sure they don't have a problem with getting the day(s) off from work though.
Or...do they work?
Ask him how much he paid in taxes last year and then ask why he didn’t pay more for the collective? Call him a fiscal hypocrite.
Pray America wakes
Bingo! Such discussions only create hard feelings, and are actually rude to others present. So deflect, then disengage.
Liberal relative: That Trump is a fascist. And Cruz is almost as bad.
Me: Who are you picking for the Super Bowl this season?
Liberal relative: But Trump...
Me: Pittsburgh has a shot if Roethlisberger stays healthy.
Liberal relative: Well, I like the Cardinals.
Grandma's happy. Everybody's happy.
My favorite nephew used to be a Pajama Boy but over the last 20 years of my quiet counsel, he has made a 180 degree turn and now sits way to my right. Unfortunately, he and a whole lot of my family lives in Atlanta, and we’re in S. Florida
They’ve been convinced the utopian “free stuff” promises is the way things should be.
I have one with the “everyone should receive a standard living allowance that can pay for a all basic living expenses” attitude. You look at them with disbelief - that they can be that stupid, but they are. I think it is a fear of not being able to be successful. They don’t understand that if that were the case NOBODY would be successful and the entire system would fall apart. They think money = wealth and that the government prints it, so it’s just unfair that more goes to some. They have no idea how wealth is created and that our system has generated the highest standard of living in history.
That said, they also think they have it “worse off” than prior generations. I’ll give them that college tuition and health care costs have increased at disproportionate rates (to pay) but many don’t pay anything toward health care and college tuition is something that is paid over time, which shouldn’t be an issue so long as you didn’t get some STUPID degree. Plus there’s alternatives to college anyway, it’s not required.
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