Posted on 05/26/2015 9:21:40 AM PDT by Kaslin
So Memorial Day is over. You had a great time with whomever, but let me guess—it was not so great on the highway, when about 100 million others joined you on the asphalt jungle. In just about six weeks, we’ll get to do it again for Independence Day, an apt name for any day on the roadways when the morons amongst us demonstrate just how independent they can be.
My email inbox recently gave me the “Bill of Non-Rights” with stuff like (“You do not have the right to a free house…,” etc.), and so, here’s my stab at a few “New Rules for Some Drivers.”
Preamble
WE the people of the United States built vast ribbons of transportation variously called roads, highways, interstates, or turnpikes. Each of them is designed to move people and their vehicles from place to place efficiently, and accidents with injuries and death are low probabilities as long as each driver demonstrates a modicum of reason, safety, and courtesy while operating their vehicle. Toward that end, each state has devised a manual for operator survival. WE know everyone read it at least once. WE understand, however, that some have discarded these carefully written rules, instituting their own entitlement philosophy instead, simply because they are better than everyone else. For the special “some” of you, the rest of us would like to mention our decreasing tolerance for a few things—besides abusing drugs and alcohol—you may not do while driving:
You may not camp in the left lane, talk on your cell, or text, or engage in other intensely personal activities, slowing while doing so, even if your girlfriend is dumping you for being a self-centered piece of work. She is probably right. Unless you’re going faster than the rest of us (passing?), move over.
In construction zones, you may not pass all those who followed signage instruction to form one lane. Would you crash a bank line? A grocery line? Surprise—we have to get there, too. When a trucker moves to the empty lane, keeping pace with the turtle-like traffic, the rest of us do not honk or swear. Why? We’re glad they keep clowns like you from making the delay so much longer than it needs to be.
You are not entitled to treat the highway as your personal Dodgem ride at an amusement park. That means kissing the bumper in front of you at eighty miles per hour on I-Whatever puts you in the category of stupid, reckless, or crazy. Maybe all three? But remember: if you act like Putin, don’t expect everyone else to act like Obama with a fake red line. For the men who think highways are a high-definition video game, if after threatening everyone else’s very existence, you flip your car during one of these maneuvers, don’t expect cards or flowers.
You are not entitled to stand on your brakes for a turn you knew you were going to make, and then turn on your signal as you make the turn. The exercise you get in flicking the lever will be just as great if you do it as all states require: signal your turn well before you brake.
If your car has Bluetooth, you may not make left turns into heavy traffic while talking to the phone in your left ear, holding a cigarette, shushing your kids, and steering—scaring the living hell out of us. This is not brilliant multi-tasking, ladies (sorry, it’s nearly always you). Get connected!
Are there other “New Rules” I didn’t mention? Have I touched a nerve with the self-important practitioners of stress, injury, and death? I hope so. The rest of us want the next driving jaunt to be much more pleasant, with or without you.
If any Lynchburg/Campbell County, Virginia cops are reading this-—y’all REALLY need to do a better job of ticketing people for drifting along in the passing lane. Seriously, it’s getting ridiculous...they tie up traffic all over the place.
On a related note, I was driving home earlier, flying along at a good clip in the left lane, and some guy comes absolutely ZOOMING up in my mirror. I move over without delay, but the guy follows me over into the right hand lane and begins gesturing with his middle finger and riding my bumper.
Lunatic...
You should have hit the brakes suddenly and then told the cop you didn’t want to hit the cat or whatever small animal
LOL, yep
I do, I don’t want to ruin my brakes. I also stop at yield signs if necessary
Screw fluid dynamics. I pull over and take half the lane just to stop jerks like that.
Are you serious? They pass on the on/off ramps?
You ever been in a rig grossing 70-80,000 lbs? Can’t get that up to speed like you can a car. I know, I drove local for 6 years then long haul for 13. If every trucker just let the cars fly by them at lane closures they would never get anywhere.
I’ve been in plenty of backups where no one went anywhere until a couple of us truckers forced everyone to play nice. After the initial choke point cleared up, traffic moved right along.
Strange how people will do right when they have to.
Remember, that truck needs minimum of 120 feet of clear roadway before it can safely change lanes.
I’ve been stuck in lanes because car drivers can’t figure out why I couldn’t get an 85 foot truck into a 50 foot space at 45 mph.
And I’ve probably laughed at more single digit salutes than the average person has given. We drivers just chalked it up to the usual bad manners or lack of toilet training.
Police spelled with an s?
Wonder if that’s new age spelling, like that new math that takes 10 steps to subtract 13 from 21?
Oh, so you are saying that it is OK for truckers to get side-by-side and become the highway traffic flow police and deliberately block traffic flow? If that is not against the law then it certainly should be. Now I understand why truckers have such reputations for not being too bright! I remember the commercial on TV! “You, too, can drive a big rig!” I used to laugh my head off every time I heard that commercial!
Now I also understand why you find “police” spelled with an ‘s’, but missed the word “spel” with only one “l” AND the word “grammar” spelled with an “e” instead of an “a” and AGAIN the word “an” which should be “and”.
Please get back to me after you learn how to spell, perhaps take remedial English classes and quit crying about how bad truckers have it! Maybe you should also work on getting a sense of humor! And here is yet another one-finger-salute just to make you laugh! ROFL
Lane slitting is legal in Cali.
“Sport bikes are the same. Act like idiots.”
Idiots is too nice a word. I like “scu*bags” better.
(please forgive the expletive)
IMHO
slitting=splitting
Donorcycles. Everybody be safe.
I am laughing oh one of no toilet training.
Good night
Oh, I noticed YOU didn’t address anything about all the edumacated idiots in cars not realising the needs and limitations of trucks.
Good night.
Here's a reality check:
If you say "they can't stop"...then they're going to freakin fast.
Next question.
The whole world knows that truck drivers are not very polite on the highways.
Have you enrolled in spelling classes and remedial English classes yet? ROFL
Yep. Not the ramps themselves, but the lane leading to the offramp, or the merge-in lane from an on-ramp. Why let all of that lane space go to waste, right? It's very common to see cars pull out of line to go into the on/off lane, race to the end of the lane, and then turn their left-turn signal on as if it suddenly dawned on them that the lane was ending.
Not only seriously annoying those of us they're trying to pass, but frequently blocking the way of people legitimately entering or exiting the road.
I’m talking about the a$$wipes that go flying by at 80mph when the line is moving at 40 or 45.
You can call it what you want, but I call it line butts.
At 55mph it takes a loaded rig 100 yards to come to a safe stop.
The average car can do it in 45 yards.
I imagine some people would be happy with no trucks on the road.
If that’s your opinion then look around and see what your life would be like without trucks.
Everything from groceries to clothing to cars and car parts would be less readily available and more expensive.
There’s not one thing in your home that wasn’t delivered by a truck.
I know I’ll never change your mind or opinion so I won’t bother.
Have fun and be safe.
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