Man chops off his own penis after girlfriend told him he was no good in bed

Metro [UK] ^ | 23 Oct 2014 | Richard Hartley-Parkinson

[Slings and Arrows]

A jilted lover has chopped off his own penis after he was dumped by his girlfriend.

Oliver Ilic, 22, was told that he was no good in bed so it is claimed he mutilated himself then threw the remains in the bin.

He is alleged to have told doctors that he had a small appendage and cited that as the reason why his girlfriend was no use to him.

Ilic contacted emergency services when he could not stop the bleeding and was taken to hospital in the east Macedonian town town of Kocani.

Police searched his house and discovered the severed organ in a bin after it had been cut off with a single swipe from a razor blade which was also lying in the bin.

Doctors were initially unable to re-attach his penis but he was then transferred to the capital, Skopje, where it was reunited with his body following five hours of surgery.

However they said it was still too early to know if the operation would be a success and if it would ever function properly again.

Recently a 40-year-old Macedonian man chopped off his own penis then flushed it down the toilet.

[Veggie Todd]

Liquor in the front, poker in the rear. Well, one out of two ain’t bad.

[Darksheare]

LOL!

Moved as a cautionary tale?

[Darksheare]

Act, then think!
Hedwig and the angry inch.
Sooooo many bad jokes and beer nostril laughs to be had on this genius.

[Slings and Arrows]

Well, part of this site’s purpose is educational...

[Slings and Arrows]

Hedwig and the angry inch.

*spittake*

[Darksheare]

“Guys, meet Oliver. A great thinker he is not. Don’t be like Oliver!”
*solemn nods*

His man card is revoked, technicality.

[Darksheare]

Terrible movie, terrible premise, awful tie in to our current story...

[NoCmpromiz]

It was getting too smoky in the back room...

[tumblindice]

You can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd,
And you can’t go fishin’ with a two by four.
So you can do anything, if you’ve a mind to,
But you can’t fool around with a one-inch stump,
Unless your name is Rosie O’Donnell.
Or Ellen DeGeneris.

[BookmanTheJanitor]

I love Warren in the background yelling “He was masturba...g”. It makes the nightmare complete.

[Darksheare]

That was from the cigar laden laughing.

[Mr Ramsbotham]

It won’t be long now.

[Slings and Arrows]

Never read the book, never saw the movie. The title was all that was necessary for this thread.

[Darksheare]

I may have inadvertantly killed Slings by mentioning “Hedwig and the angry inch.”
I will wait while he reboots his lungs and dries his keyboard...

[Mr Ramsbotham]

I’m sure I would need at four or five hard whacks.

Why slice it off, when you can jerk it off?

[Darksheare]

“If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit.”

[Slings and Arrows]

[Slings and Arrows]

Word, bro.

[Darksheare]

Great.
“And knowing is half the battle!” just came to mind.

[Slings and Arrows]

It’s in situations like this that I usually try to summon Hastur, but think that even he’d want to give this one a miss.