Posted on 10/23/2014 9:15:24 AM PDT by wagglebee
For the second time in two weeks, a mother has given a shocking and heartbreaking interview in which she admits she would have taken the life of her disabled son in an abortion if she had it to do all over again.
Gillian Relf, 69, regrets having her son, Stephen, who is 47, because he has Down syndrome and requires constant and daily care. She worries about what will happen to her son when she dies.
Relf starts with an embarrassing anecdote about how her son refused to sit in his seat on an airplane as they prepared to leave London for a family trip to Greece.
The pilot had been very patient but, after an hour of the plane waiting on the Tarmac at Heathrow, with my son Stephen refusing to get up off the floor, sit in his seat and buckle up, our bags were removed from the hold and he was carried off the flight, my husband Roy and I walking, hot-cheeked and humiliated, behind.
Our family holiday to Greece would not be going ahead, after all.
And no, Stephen was not an obstreperous toddler when this happened. He was 45 years old. This embarrassing scene happened two years ago and the episode is just one of the many challenges we have faced since Stephen, our second child, was born with Down’s Syndrome.
“So difficult has it been that I can honestly say I wish he hadn’t been born,” Relf continues. “I know this will shock many: this is my son, whom I’ve loved, nurtured and defended for nearly half a century, but if I could go back in time, I would abort him in an instant. I’m now 69 and Roy is 70, and we’ll celebrate our golden wedding anniversary next month.”
Relf recalls how when she and her teenage sweetheart-future husband considered having a family, they wished for a perfect baby.
We were childhood sweethearts and married when I was just 19 and he was 20. I sailed through my first pregnancy with Andrew a year later, and both of us were really looking forward to a second baby to complete our family.
There were no antenatal scans or blood test to detect abnormalities in those days and although I had a sixth sense, call it mother’s intuition, that there was something wrong with my baby, the doctors and midwives insisted I was being hysterical and refused to perform an amniocentesis (where cells are taken from the amniotic fluid and tested). A healthy 22-year-old, with a thriving baby, I was considered very low risk to have a Down’s baby.
Stephen came into the world one Sunday in January 1967 at the Kent & Canterbury Hospital.
The following Wednesday, I looked at him in his cot: his small, almond-shaped eyes, broad, flat nose and the one crease on the palms of his hands.
‘He’s a mongol, isn’t he?’ I gasped to my mother. It sounds shocking now but that was how we used to describe people with Down’s Syndrome in those days.
Relf eventually got confirmation from doctors months later that he son indeed had Down syndrome. Them for a second time in the article, she admits she wish she had killed him in an abortion.
Perhaps you’d expect me to say that, over time, I grew to accept my son’s disability. That now, looking back on that day 47 years later, none of us could imagine life without him, and that I’m grateful I was never given the option to abort.
However, you’d be wrong. Because, while I do love my son, and am fiercely protective of him, I know our lives would have been happier and far less complicated if he had never been born. I do wish I’d had an abortion. I wish it every day.
If he had not been born, I’d have probably gone on to have another baby, we would have had a normal family life and Andrew would have the comfort, rather than the responsibility, of a sibling, after we’re gone.
Sadly, just last week, another mother of a son with disabilities said she too wished she had aborted.
In a heartbreaking article in the Daily Mail, Jill and Iain Kelly admit that if they had known that their five-year-old son, Dylan, would be disabled they would’ve had an abortion.
Jill told the Daily Mail, “I love my son. He’s changed our lives. But if I’d known everything that Dylan would have to go through, and will have to go through, there’s no doubt in my mind that, given the correct information, I would have asked for a termination. I’m adamant about that. And it makes me feel guilty just saying it because Dylan is my world. I love him, he’s an amazing little boy.”
Here is my list for genocide's hall of infamy:
Margaret Sanger: 46 MILLION+ deaths worldwide EVERY YEAR (AT LEAST 1.35 BILLION worldwide since 1960).
Rachel Carson (author of "Silent Spring" which resulted in the DDT ban): 50-80 MILLION deaths and rising every year.
Mao: 50-80 MILLION+ deaths
Stalin: 20 MILLION+ deaths.
Hitler: 12 MILLION+ deaths (not counting WWII military and civilian deaths due to combat).
Wishing your child dead is noble, Right? /s
“...walking, hot-cheeked and humiliated...”
“...they wished for a perfect baby...”
“...our lives would have been happier and far less complicated...”
“...we would have had a normal family life...”
“...Andrew would have the comfort, rather than the responsibility...”
More like petulant and selfish WITCH...essentially placing the blame on her son because her “dream” world didn’t happen.
but when she was very young, just past toddler-hood, when we noticed things about her, all confirmed by multiple tests and exams, it sinks to the bottom of your soul....its devastating...its your whole future in front of you...its no future weddings nor grandchildren..its no nice big family gatherings with happy grandchildren....
unless you have a "different" child, you have no idea.....
in our society, having imperfect kids puts you on an island by yourself....you and your child...because everything in society is aimed at normal children....
so having this in my life, even with my dtrs relatively mild dysfunction, I can empathize with her....
I think I know God enough to suspect that HE would not be calling her a "bitch" nor a "cunt" nor any of these words....HE would embrace her sorrow and put HIS hands around her....and yes, if you're going to be calling people bitches and cunts you might as well write it right out loud so every one can see your hateful , bitter mindset......Christian?...NOT!
I am walking in a similar pair of shoes. My husband had a massive stroke, leaving him with physical, mental and emotional disabilities. I worry every day about will happen to him if I become unable to care for him. I worry that he will be at the mercy of someone who thinks mercy is death.
When he was rushed to the emergency room while having the stroke, I had the perfect opportunity to kill him, legally. Just keep him off life support, and he wouldn’t have lasted the day.
Every day, I regret not checking on him earlier that morning, to catch the stroke earlier. I have never regretted not killing him. It’s been over six years, and no matter how tough it gets, I’ve never wished he was dead.
“...walking, hot-cheeked and humiliated...”
“...they wished for a perfect baby...”
“...our lives would have been happier and far less complicated...”
“...we would have had a normal family life...”
“...Andrew would have the comfort, rather than the responsibility...”
More like petulant and selfish WITCH...essentially placing the blame on her son because her “dream” world didn’t happen.
That is just a horrible horrible thing to say.
Sorry, a 100 years ago that comment might have withstood scrutiny...but not in the 21st century...society has made great efforts to accommodate "imperfect" children and their parents...sometimes at the expense of "normal" children...
All of God's children are "perfect" in His eyes...for any of us to think differently, puts us at odds with Him.
Bless you!
Quite true. Every parent figures that someday they’ll watch their child walk down the aisle in marriage, go off to college, get a home of their own, etc. Nobody wants to still be caring for a 40-something child like an infant, with absolutely no light at the end of the tunnel. Still, why did they try to bring him on a vacation to Greece? Was there no one who could have cared for him while they were away? Why didn’t they give him up for adoption or, when he reached a certain age, place him in a home for people with Down’s where they could have visited him? Though I feel real sympathy for people in their position, abortion is murder and simply never an option.
in our society, having imperfect kids puts you on an island by yourself....you and your child...because everything in society is aimed at normal children....
so having this in my life, even with my dtrs relatively mild dysfunction, I can empathize with her....
That's all well and good, but I am not about to accept the notion that it is okay to kill a baby just because a person thinks they have a valid reason. EVERY excuse is sufficient to the person using it.
I think I know God enough to suspect that HE would not be calling her a "bitch" nor a "c***" nor any of these words....HE would embrace her sorrow and put HIS hands around her....and yes, if you're going to be calling people bitches and c***s you might as well write it right out loud so every one can see your hateful , bitter mindset......Christian?...NOT!
I called her a selfish bitch and I stand by it. This woman has had nearly half a century to come to terms with things and the very best she can do is complain about not being able to take a trip to Greece and saying, " I do wish I’d had an abortion. I wish it every day." She makes it perfectly clear that she IS NOT grateful for her son, she wishes that she had killed him.
Well said. I know if the father instead of the mother had been quoted, saying the exact same words, the responses here would not be as harsh or profane.
Then she’s a liar.
She doesn’t love her son if she wishes every day that she could have killed him. She’s full of anger, bitterness, and resentment against the son of hers.
She could have given him up for adoption. There are families out there who welcome Down’s Syndrome people with open arms.
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Excellent point, miss marmelstein. Everyone has troubles and hardships. This woman really needs to give up her desire to control life to God. If she can do that, she will find the peace that he has been searching for.
Why didn’t they just give these children up for adoption ???
They children would have been happier with a chance to have a normal and good life...
It is one thing to be honest about the difficulty and self sacrifice required in caring for a downs syndrome child. It’s another animal to wish he were dead.
Can you imagine what it is like to live with her own self defeating and murderous mind?
Thank you for the most rational and intelligent post regarding this article. I too have a child with numerous disabilities(deaf/legally bilnd/etc) and you are so correct in how it totally changes everything about both your present and future life for you and your entire family. I agree that unless you have a “different” child you have no idea of what families like ours go through everyday..While my daughter has brought much joy and special people into our lives, at times the heartbreak is close to unbearable so I too can understand where this mother is coming from although I would never coming out and make this statement. Enough with the righteous name-calling and pontification, the lady is making a statement based on her life’s experince. All the pepole pouncing on her without actually “being ther” are the selfish ones.
Conversely, I would say that, if she had murdered her son, she would have regretted it more, every day of her life, and beyond...
What a ridiculous thing to say.
What makes you think that we would give the father a pass?
Do you have any proof of this or are you just another FReeper who wishes the pro-life movement would just go away?
and you would be wrong. Real principles don't change depending on the person or the audience.
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