Damned Amish perps!
These young fellows obviously had taken a wrong turn after leaving Bible Study, and as this made them late for their Meals on Wheels delivery of hot breakfast to nice old shut-in white ladies, they stopped to ask this truculent private property maniac right wing gun nut for directions when he suddenly opened fire with multiple assault weapons with large magazines and bullet-laden clips and automatic revolvers all types which should be banned, as they are useless for duck hunting, which is the true purpose of the 2d Amendment.
Confused, because this assault would make them late for Nuclear Physics class, they were unable to make themselves understood to the "homeowner" who was not, BTW, sharing the premises with the homeless.
These outstanding young men had also been active in their community. They were registered voters and holders of the coveted EBT award. Together they voted 43 times for our President, whose initiatives on gun control will end this senseless violence.
They will be sorely missed. Except on Election Day.