Posted on 06/20/2004 11:46:21 AM PDT by ijcr
The Americans now see us, apparently, as 'introverted, arrogant bores who whip children and live in perpetual rain'
All generalisations are dangerous, even this one. But the worst kind, it's often seemed, are those about nationalities.
The French as dogbreathy bed-hoppers; the Italians as pretty cowards; the Aussies as irritatingly upbeat simpletons whose definition of 'cultured' is someone who gets out the bath to have a pee; the Bulgarians as torn-faced miserly cut-throat scum who would sooner slice open their neighbour's first-born than pick up a bar of soap; the Swedes as a kindlier, sexier yet strangely more suicidal version of the Germans... lazy generalisations, pat and trite and unhelpful, unless of course you're ever planning to go, quite unaccountably, to Bulgaria.
The Americans now see us, apparently, as 'introverted, arrogant bores who whip children and live in perpetual rain'. Not just any Americans, not even Americans with a bizarre academic interest in extrapolating national characteristics from the study of 1956 postcards of Weston-super-Mare? No, these respondents, we are told by a new British Council study, are America's young 'high achievers', the coming royalty of commerce. They think David Beckham plays 'hockey', and fewer than 5 per cent of them will ever want to visit us.
This, then, is the special relationship. US ambassador William S Farish was going on about it again yesterday, in a valedictory piece after three short years in Britain. His impressions, he told us, were that normal Britons see George W Bush not as a caricature but 'as a plain-spoken man of principle who says what he believes', which shows Farish as a man not above actionably deluded poppycock in the same way the ocean is not above the sky.
He went on again, fairly cynically, about the special relationship. They throw this phrase at us so cheaply, like dropped popcorn; it means as much as an empty promise to a mistress. No, not a mistress, a 'stalker'; we are the ones who know, obsessively, their tastes, their plans, their favourite films, and they are the ones with a dim recollection of poking us once in a cabbagey attic and an even hazier recollection of our name.
There is, though, one forgotten group of all-American heroes, and it is time for them to be feted. Not the high-achievers, with their ignorance of a country they never intend to visit, the trim wunderkinds with their buttoned-down God, and the naked whumping greed they call ambition, and their deeply unsavoury attitudes towards such human delights as alcohol and laziness and failure. Time, instead, to cheer the real American heroes: their tourists.
For decades, we've smirked. Tittered at their gaudy stomachs, their mispronunciations, their soft, keen, strangely sad faces. Grinned to ourselves, and not that quietly, at their kindness, and their interest. We should have been cheering them. At least they came. At least they wanted to find out 'something' else, about 'somebody' else, and if they took a slightly skewed vision and 4,000 shots of blurred fat thumbs back to Rumpshuck, Ohio, then no real matter.
Every couple on every cloistered flatulent coach trip, every vapid trotted tourist cliche, every dismal teacake in the rain, has been, we can now see, a proud and determined little blow against ignorance: and this summer we must talk to them, or at least stop sneering quite so openly; and see them as one last hope for a better American future, and bless their little polyester socks.
Curring bump.
Proof of your insight is available to anyone who inquires what the writer would say about an internationally unsophisticated, Hindi-speaking wallah from Hindustan, or a Quechua-speaking citizen of Peru who doesn't know where Dulles International is, or how to get to Gatwick airport from downtown London.
Don't remember that one.
Semper Fi
David Beckham who.
Take that you futbol loving nitwits!!
It's the haggis.
I've been to the UK 4 times,and love it.
Even though I'm in my senior years I know who Beckham is.
I even have a passing knowledge of Manchester United.
This guy is really trying hard to be clever and is failing miserably.
'English Characteristics: Cold-blooded queers with nasty complexions and terrible teeth who once conquered half the world but still haven't figured out central heating. They warm their beers and chill their baths and boil all their food, including bread. An intensely snobbish group, but who exactly they're snubbing is an international mystery. Lately they've been getting their comeuppance world power-wise, as their shabby, antiquated, and bankrupt little back alley of a country slowly winds down like the ill-crafted clockwork playthings of which their undersized children are so fond. In fact, last year their entire government had to kiss the ass of the fat aboriginal nig-nog who runs Uganda to retrieve a single flit hack writer from the clutches of that august nation. They all have large collections of something useless like lamp finials or toad eggs, and they would have lost both world wars if it were not for us. They like to be spanked with canes and that's just what they deserve. LOL
This piece pissed me off so I wrote them this comment -
I read Euan Ferguson's " Let us cleave these plucky little Americans to our bosom " article/op-ed piece. I was unimpressed with his maybe they will learn attitude. As a citizen of the United States I find europeans (small e intentional ) quite filled with themselves. You will always be small "e" until you realize that the world doesn't revolve around what you think or say. We citizens of The United States of America threw you out long ago. We neither cared for your attitudes or your egotistical mindsets.
To be honest, you whine too much about everything. The cannot stand Bush crowd really has developed from the cannot stand Americans crowd. You love our American dollars however. You must think it a shame that we Americans had to save you from Germany some 60 odd years ago. Well we did, and it was the right thing to do at the time. We idiots over here saw something we thought was wrong and acted. Forget that though. We did that not only for europe but for the whole world. We thought you could handle your own affairs.Actually we don't like minding other peoples business, except when it interferes with what we are doing.
We support most of the world with aid in one form or another. Food to the hungry, money for the needy, protection for the abused, at quite some cost. And you know what we get in return? Whining about how stupid we are. Well perhaps you are right. Perhaps we should withdraw from the world and let it wither into anarchy and if any dare attack us again smother them with thermonuclear devices as a warning to the next.
I once considered notsogreat britain ( lower case intentional ) our friend and ally. Today my opinion is being changed.
The United States may not survive the coming ( or should I say current ) world war but I would rather die than to continue to support the false friends that the europeans have turned out to be. I hope that after the dust settles you enjoy your life of slavery that will be left if we STOOPID Americans fail. You will deserve it.
David Johnson
STOOPID, USA
(Hollsopple, PA)
As to author of this piece, he is sadly mistaken. MOST Americans have an impression of the British based on their TV exports. From his intellectual vacuity, he reminds me of this character...
I've met a few "in country" that don't fit P.J.'s description.....but for MANY of them....it does seem to be "spot on"!
Semper Fi
May I assume, by your 'fowl stench', that your parrot
just f***ed?
"...whose definition of 'cultured' is someone who gets out the bath to have a pee;"
LOL, yes, that was a funny line. This piece is not too bad as a rant, the guy has potential. If we sway him over to the RIGHT side, it might yield some coherent work from him.
"And everybody hates the Jews."
LOL, thanks for posting these lyrics. I really need to see if you can get Lehrer on CD, I recently realized hubby doesn't know him at all.
my fave:
Plaigerize!!
Let no one else's work evade your eyes!
So they got sophomores overseas, is that news?
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