Why You Shouldn’t Sleep With Your Boyfriend

First, do NOT read this article if you can’t handle the cold, hard truth. Go back to your Vampire Diaries.

Second, Catholics love sex. If you don’t believe me, read a little European history. Oh, and look at your own family. (Nuff said? Okay.)

Third, why on earth is sex such a big deal? It would be far easier for Catholics to just relax, already, and do what everyone else is doing – guilt free! Right?

You can relax, because I am not going to deliver a lecture on your self-esteem. Actually, I couldn’t care less about your self -esteem.

What I care about is you spending your youth bouncing from one guy to the next. It’s called ‘serial monogamy’ – and it’s all the rage with people in the 20-40 age group.

After that, the men settle down and marry a younger woman, if they are successful enough. Women get fat, bitter and depressed. (Or, they spend jillions on cosmetic treatments, marry a guy who is years younger and settle down to life as a successful cougar. NOT. Does the name ‘Demi Moore’ ring a bell?) I am not going to deliver a lecture on your self-esteem. Actually, I couldn’t care less about your self -esteem.

Step One: Be honest. Admit that you want to get married and have a family. You don’t have to tell anyone this. Just admit it to yourself. (There, now doesn’t that feel better?)

Step Three: Learn what sacramental marriage material looks like. (See: “What a Catholic Husband Knows” below.)

If your answer is ‘yes,’ then you need to exercise some self-control for the sake of your future marriage. (See: “Re-Virginization”)

If your answer is ‘no,’ then what are you doing wasting your time like this? (See: “How To Get On the Right Track For a Happy Future”)

Step Five: You and your boyfriend need to decide about marriage. Go to church, and pray for strength. A good first step is to sit down with your parish priest and ask his advice, together. He will probably tell you to enroll in Pre-Cana classes, which are designed to help you discern and prepare for the sacrament. Take it one day at a time, but move forward steadily towards your goal of a true Catholic marriage. If you are playing the serial monogamy game, you should know that after a certain age, men settle down and marry a younger woman — if they are successful enough. Many women get fat, bitter and depressed. (Or, they spend jillions on cosmetic treatments, marry a guy who is years younger and settle down to life as a successful cougar. NOT. Does the name ‘Demi Moore’ ring a bell?) why youshould What a Catholic Husband Knows

For 2000 years, the Church has regarded marriage as a sacrament, an outward sign of God’s grace. This is in contrast to most religions, where marriage is a contract, which can be terminated when one or the other partner is unhappy.

Marriage was instituted – like all other sacraments – as a way to help you get to heaven. A Catholic husband knows what his job is: to help his wife and children get to heaven.

That’s his Prime Directive: He needs to do whatever needs to be done to help his wife and children be holy.

This is why he works hard to earn a living. Not so he can have all the latest toys. That is called selfishness – just the same as you blowing all your money shopping.

This is why he insists on practicing your Faith. Not because he’s weird. Because he knows that is the way to grow closer and stay in the state of grace.

This is why he helps you whenever he can. Not because he’s a fair-minded feminist. Because he knows you need help, and he wants to make your life better. Why? Because that will help you be holier—and get you to heaven.

This is why he avoids pornography, excessive drinking, gambling, drugs and womanizing. Not because he’s boring. Because he knows all of that is ‘sin’ — the road to deep unhappiness for you, for him and for your future children.

So, does your boyfriend know all this? Do you think he is capable of committing himself to this goal, for the rest of his life?

If your answer is ‘yes,’ then you need to exercise some self-control for the sake of your future marriage. (See: “Re-Virginization” below.)

If your answer is ‘no,’ then what are you doing wasting your time like this? (See: “How To Get On the Right Track For a Happy Future” below.) A Catholic husband avoids pornography, excessive drinking, gambling, drugs and womanizing. Not because he’s boring. whyyoushouldn't Re-Virginization

It looks like you have a great future husband! So, let’s say you do marry this great guy. How are you going to keep your love affair going? Through the jealousies, the stress, the diapers and babies crying at 4 am? Through losing your figure? Losing his job? Bad medical diagnoses? Sick children? Aged parents needing care? Money problems?

Seems impossible, and I have no doubt you have seen all kinds of relationships and marriages train wreck. So what’s the difference between those and the old couples you see who have been happily married for 50 years?

Well, science has now proven what we all knew: It turns out that sex is key to happy marriages. A slew of recent studies confirm that married couples who practice their religion have the best sex.

More to the point, all kinds of studies show that delaying sex makes for happier marriages. Here’s just one:

A 2010 Journal of Family Psychology study involved 2,035 married participants in an online assessment of marriage called “RELATE.” According to the study, people who waited until marriage:

rated sexual quality 15% higher than people who had premarital sex rated relationship stability as 22% higher rated satisfaction with their relationships 20% higher

The benefits were about half as strong for couples who became sexually active later in their relationships but before marriage.[i] A slew of recent studies confirm that married couples who practice their religion have the best sex.

Seems reasonable? But impossible? Because there is no such thing as ‘re-virginization’?

Take a deep breath. I know that you are already sleeping with him. And that stopping this seems like something you cannot do.

Actually, there is a chemical reason for this. It’s because your oxytocin level is very high. Oxytocin is called the ‘bonding’ hormone; women secrete oxytocin in lovemaking and breastfeeding. It’s the reason why your girlfriend can’t leave her bum of a boyfriend. It’s also the reason why battered women go back to the slimebags who beat them and cheat on them.

It’s not because women are stupid. It’s because of oxytocin. It’s the reason why your girlfriend can’t leave her bum of a boyfriend. It’s also the reason why battered women go back to the slimebags who beat them and cheat on them. It’s not because women are stupid. It’s because of oxytocin.

baumholderapr10-009aOxytocin levels rise when women come into contact with men they have slept with. The closer he gets, the more your oxytocin levels rise. The higher your oxytocin levels, the less able you are to think objectively about your loved one. You are bonded to him.

Hmmm, could this be why traditional cultures insisted that courting couples never be left alone?

Now you need to talk to your man. Tell him that you love him, and that you want a future with him. Assure him that there is nobody else in your life. Explain that you want to keep seeing him, but that your sexual relationship needs to stop unless and until you are married.

You will have a LOT of ‘splaining to do, but his reaction will tell you A LOT about whether he is, indeed, sacramental marriage material.

If he gets angry, sulks or tries to over-ride your wishes, see: “How to Get On the Right Track For a Happy Future.” Explain that you want to keep seeing him, but that your sexual relationship needs to stop unless and until you are married.

First, if your boyfriend has agreed to abstain from sex, stop right here and go to Step Five above.

However, if you have decided that this guy isn’t for you, you need to end this bad relationship and free yourself for a good relationship that will lead to a happy, Catholic marriage. This isn’t easy, but you have to face facts: you have already wasted enough time as it is.

Step One: No contact. Not even once. Do not try to be friends. Do not waste your time trying to make him happy. Soon enough, he will find some else and will have moved on – probably before you are over him. (You can pray for him of course.)

Step Two: Go to confession. Get this off your chest. Ask the priest for his guidance on how to get yourself on the right road. Establish a regular prayer routine whereby you focus your requests for help in finding a good, Catholic spouse. Pray for strength and perseverance.

Step Three: Focus your efforts on finding a good, Catholic man. Here’s a few ideas: Polish up a profile on Catholic Match or Ave Maria Singles. Research Catholic events or conferences you would like to attend. Find yourself a vital parish. (Hint: Latin Mass parishes are teeming with young adults.) Get involved with your parish doing all sorts of great religious and social events. You need to end this bad relationship and free yourself for a good relationship that will lead to a happy, Catholic marriage. This isn’t easy, but you have to face facts: you have already wasted enough time as it is.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010 How Do I know I love him? Ephesians 5, Key word: The Marriage series, part one

Many a teen is faced with that question. In today's promiscuous, easy going, everything goes society teens are not taught to wait for marriage, they are told, "it is ok, if you love someone". It isn't, pre-marital sex is wrong, it is just as wrong as adultery is. While neither are wrong in the eyes of the secular world, both are absolutely wrong in the eyes of God. Making love should be reserved for those who are married and then only with each other, one man and one woman, a husband and a wife, a dad and a mom.

So girls, how do you know you are in love? How do you know the guy loves you? How do you know you want to spend the rest of your life married to this man?

For girls, the answer is simple, just as it is for boys. All we need do is go to the word of God. Girls, you are in love, really in love, when you are willing to do for that young man all that Sarai did for Abram. For before she was Sara and he was Abraham, they were Abram and Sarai. And how did Sarai treat Abram? Let's look:

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord:... (1Peter 3:6) so, first, are you willing to call this guy 'lord'? Are you willing to; Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. (Ephesians 5:22) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. (Colossians 3:18) Do you love him enough to call him lord and submit to his every command? Think so? There are no loopholes, the Bible teaches you that you are to submit yourself to him in everything he says and tells you to do.

Many a liberal preacher will find things you do not have to do, but, there are no ifs, ands, or buts in the word of God concerning His order for you to submit to your husband. Look here at what Abram ordered Sarai to do: And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine was grievous in the land. And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, "Behold now, I know that thou art a fair woman to look upon: Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, 'This is his wife': and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.

Say, I pray thee, thou art my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee."

And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she was very fair. The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house. And he entreated Abram well for her sake:... (Genesis 12:10-16) Abram told Sarai to lie, but not only to lie, but to be willing to go to bed with Pharaoh so that he, Abram, might not be harmed. Do you love him enough to obey his every command? Do you trust him enough to obey his every command?

And as for young men, do you really love her? Are you willing to do for her what God tells you that you must be willing to do for her? Think so? Do you know what it is that the Lord God Creator of all things expects from you regarding your wife? Do you know how much He demands you love her?

Can you make her very bit as important to you as your eyes? So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. ... (Ephesians 5:28) For God commands that you do just that, that you love her every bit as much as you love your eyes, your hands, your testicles and your heart. For if you ignore God's word, concerning how you are to treat and love your wife, read here what He may do: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of Life; that your prayers be not hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)

Have you answered yes so far? Sounds like you may just really love her, but there is more: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; (Ephesians 5:25) Are you willing to do for her just what Jesus did for us? Are you willing to suffer torture and even death for her Just as the Lord did for us? And are you willing to do it without crying out or begging for mercy? Or turning to her and saying, "See what I am doing for you?"

So, have you both said yes to every question so far?

Young lady, have you looked into his eyes and into your heart and said: "I can be his Sarah and I believe he will do for me as the Lord did for us." And you young man, can you look her in the eye and say, "I love you so much, I can and will, if called upon, put your life ahead of mine, you are every bit as important to me as any part of my own body, and I will love, cherish and care for you as well as and even better than any part of my body." And can you look within yourself and tell yourself that you are convinced that she will obey you as Sara obeyed Abraham? If so, then you are more than likely truly in love, but let's see if you are really and truly in love, there is a way for each of you to prove your love one for another.

How, you ask? Now, that is rather simple as well. If you really love him, you will prove it by being chaste on your wedding night and if he really loves you, he will help you remain a chaste in all aspects till your wedding night. You likewise will help him to remain a chaste as well. For girls, if he will not help you remain chaste till your wedding night, how can you trust him with the power to order you to do all things? The test of love over lust is chaste behavior. If you cannot put your lust aside for your love, than you are not in love, you are in lust. No loop holes, none of this technical virgin stuff, none of this "it all depends on what the meaning of is, is".

If you love one another, instead of being sexually active before marriage, you will demonstrate your love for one and other, by praying together and working together to save any and all love making for the night of your wedding. . The Lord God, Christ Jesus, be with you all. Amen.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.