Report: Jesus Spoke With Spectacular British Accent

Eye of the Tiber ^ | 11/17/2013

[markomalley]

Lansing, MI––A recently discovered DVD found in the attic of the Williams family last night has shed light on the language and accent used by the Son of God while on earth, the Lansing family is reporting this morning.

After close to 2,000 years, the mystery of Jesus’ dialect and accent was answered after the Williams family’s stunning find while watching a DVD of the 1977 television miniseries of Jesus of Nazareth produced by the BBC.

The 2-DVD set, which many in the Williams family believed was “lost forever” showed Jesus of Nazareth speaking in English, a shocking revelation to many who long believed he spoke Aramaic.

“We simply couldn’t believe our ears,” Jan Williams, 54, reported to EOTT this morning.

“I remember, Jesus finally appears in the movie, ready to be baptized by John the Baptist, and John says something like, ‘It is I who needs to be baptized by you, and yet, you come to me.’ Then Jesus says, ‘Let it be so…we must fulfill all righteousness’ in the most spectacular British accent.”

19-year-old Wendy Williams reported that his british accent was not only ”stirring,” but that it also contained the dramatic inflection and timing of a “wonderful” stage actor.

“It was as though you were listening to the renowned British actor Robert Powell.”

At press time, biblical scholars from around the globe are investigating reports that Jesus yelled a lot, and that he did not bleed as much as portrayed in The Passion of the Christ.

[markomalley]

You've been warned.

[vladimir998]

It’s a well-known fact. /s

[rfp1234]

So did Moses, Ramses, Achilles, Agamemnon, Cleopatra, Caesar, Brutus, Seneca, etc.

[markomalley]

Thought you two might enjoy this...ping...

[ConservativeInPA]

Jesus was white?

[Conspiracy Guy]

I thought he spoke more like Sean Connery.

[Olog-hai]

Not when Moses spoke like Charlton Heston . . .

[Calvin Locke]

Well, there are those stories about Jesus studying in Britain...and since he is God, the could easily bypass all that pesky language development throughout the centuries...

[Argus]

Well anyway, I’m pretty sure he didn’t sound like Max Von Sydow.

[WildHighlander57]

My answer to satire

@#$% !!!

[cloudmountain]

Hahaha.

The Brits DO make so many movies, especially old ones, that when there ISN'T a Brit accent, I wonder.

[SkyDancer]

And Capt. Picquard of Star Trek fame who grew up in France and worked in a vineyard spoke with a British accent as well. Funny how it gets around. Which also brings up the question: People from England came to America but we don’t speak with an English accent but yet those that went to Australia do in a way along with some of their slang and idioms.

[Calvin Locke]

“The already proved that Jesus was an Ethiopian.” /George Jefferson’s B-I-L?

[Argus]

And was the holy Lamb of God on England’s pleasant pastures seen?

[cloudmountain]

Usually, it's "British scientists have discovered...."
It's almost a cliche.

[Gamecock]

Many her on FR will say He spoke English as spoken circa 1611. As a matter of fact they will say everyone in the Bible spoke King James English.

[AndrewB]

It’s real...and it’s spectacular.

[null and void]

Jesus was white?

Jesus is just all white with me, jesus is just all white, oh yeah
Jesus is just all white with me, jesus is just all white

I don't care what they may say
I don't care what they may do
I don't care what they may say
Jesus is just all white, oh yeah
Jesus is just all white

[Joe 6-pack]

There was a semi-tongue in cheek episode of the X-Files titled "The Lazarus Bowl," that was built on (what I thought was) a pretty cool premise: as Christ spoke the words resurrecting Lazarus, a potter nearby was forming a bowl and the words were recorded a la a phonograph...