Opinion: Mormon zombies are hard to find — is Halloween fit for LDS? [The OTHER World Series]

I need to find a good Mormon monster — one that seeks out non-tithe-payers or feasts on those who drink Diet Coke. A Zion zombie, perhaps, that eats the brains of, you know, the pure in heart.

“The Mormon Munsters — have you been invited to their family home evening?”

Or “The Addams Family with special guest Eve. The mother of all wants you to clean your room.”

How about a well-placed mummy — not the kind that makes you do laundry, but the dry, dusty Egyptian variety. After all, Egypt has ties to Mormon-dom through Moses and Abraham, as well as Joseph and his amazing coat. The angel of death and those spooky long fingers was very scary, and the look is not all that hard to re-create with dry ice and a fog machine.

The dilemma is that I am not trying to scare people. The other dilemma, more of a predicament really, is that I don’t know what place Halloween really has in Mormon-dom. As an LDS dad, one who is seeking the “virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy” (LDS Articles of Faith), Halloween leaves me in a seriously scary quandary.

Currently I am a father of teenagers who like pizza and texting. A scary night for them is a night without their cellphones. And spooky is them having to do their homework without their iPod while sitting at the table — very frightening.

As an LDS dad, Halloween leaves me in a seriously scary quandary. When my daughter was younger she asked me why we celebrated Halloween. I told her that we didn’t. She looked around at the colored lights, the black lights, the giant white ghosts floating in the yard, the spooky music being piped to the street, the table of cookies and popcorn and misty burbling punch and the Edgar Allen Poe's raven perched on my shoulder and said, “Okaaaay.”

Still, “celebrate” seems like a strong word. But based on results, I am defiantly celebratory on the 31st of October. So, why do I, a practicing Mormon, celebrate a holiday that seems to have base in the druid, the pagan and the pranks, the haunted and even the undead and all things seemingly un-Christian?

Yes, the imagery of Halloween has changed somewhat, even from Halloweens of the ’70s and ’80s when I was a participant and not a party planner. The holiday’s typical colors of black and orange have softened to include green and purple.

Witches can be cute, as can be vampires, scarecrows and zombies. Threats of mischief are to be taken as “adorable,” and we bribe the kids in costume at our door with candy or at my dad-the-dentist’s house, toothbrushes.

Originally, children in Great Britain disguised in costumes went from door to door. They visited homes and were rewarded with cakes, fruit and money. It’s all about the candy now. Try picking the “trick” when you are presented with the option. See what happens. My guess is that you will get some confused faces and someone will call you a grouchy old man. Hurt my feelings, it did.

They carried jack-o’-lanterns to guide the souls held in purgatory. True, these lanterns were first created with Irish turnips.

We use pumpkins now, both bigger and easier to carve. Just try to whittle something really scary, like a Ute fan, on a turnip.

Elements of the autumn season, such as fallen leaves, bare branches, corn husks and scarecrows are images we conjure for the season, right along with themes of evil, death and the occult, murder, mayhem and monsters, both mortal and mythical, without a second thought.

“It’s just one night a year” some Mormons say, and that it is. Many believe that Halloween is simply a fun excuse to get together. Often, “Trunk or Treats” are held in or around the neighborhoods LDS chapel with little or no negative significance to the practice. Others reject Halloween as a holiday, concerned that it trivializes paganism and is incompatible with their Mormon beliefs.

I took my children to the Trunk or Treat that was held in my ward building several years ago. However, there is no such church/ward sponsored celebration this year, and that is fine by me. In its place is a chilly chili fest, and I am in charge of the corn bread. It just seems a better fit for church. And anytime I can eat and talk and be in charge of something is a holiday for me.

Other friends believe Halloween is much like the Mexican holiday “Dia de Los Muertos,” a day to celebrate their loved ones who have passed. They light jack-o’-lanterns — not caring if they are pumpkin or turnip — to help guide their beloved dead.

I like the idea of remembering the dead. I rather hope someone will remember me. This predicament, like many other quandaries in my life, I have had to decide for my own, with my wife, what is appropriate for my family.

I have not found instruction by the leaders of my church concerning Halloween specifically, but I have discovered a whole lot of common sense.

I am starting to understand what Elder James E. Faust, formerly of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, might have meant when he said in the Ensign (November 1987, p. 33), “No good can come from getting close to evil. Like playing with fire, it is too easy to get burned: ‘The knowledge of sin tempteth to its commission.’ … The only safe course is to keep well distanced from him and any of his wicked activities or nefarious practices. The mischief of devil worship, sorcery, casting spells, witchcraft, voodooism, black magic and all other forms of demonism should be avoided like the plague.”

That is the direction I find myself to be heading with my family concerning Halloween. Maybe my fixation with lights of all color as a party planner is an attempt to “chase darkness from among (us).”

Personally I plan to celebrate this Halloween with my family by eating. Yes, there will be hordes of candy involved. And I may be dressed like Edgar Allen Poe, Gandalf or Elmer Fudd.

The "Caractors" are the only tangible evidence in existence related to Smith's story.

No gold plates, no brass plates, no peep stones, no Urim and Thummim...

only these "Caractors," not a single one of which is in the purported languages.

Smith's translation of the Caractors. According to Martin Harris (Joseph Smith - History, 1:64), "I went to the city of New York, and presented the characters which had been translated, with the translation thereof, to Professor Charles Anthon, a gentleman celebrated for his literary attainments. Professor Anthon stated that the translation was correct, more so than any he had before seen translated from the Egyptian. I then showed him those which were not yet translated,* and he said they were Egyptian, Chaldaic, Assyriac, and Arabic; and he said they were true characters."

Speak right up now in all truthfulness. Isn't it revealing how Smith started out making a stab at creating believable "caractors" but quckly gave up and produced nothing but squiggles, ending up wih a series of nothing more than crude little scribbles? Yet Professor Anthon supposedly translated them!

*Harris must have had two or three pieces of paper with him—one with characters and a translation of them (on the same paper or a separate one) and one with untranslated characters—quite likely the "Caractors." Some Mormon "scholars" have gone out on a limb, sawed it off, and knocked themselves out trying to translate from these true Egyptian, Chaldaic, Assyriac, and Arabic characters a segment that would correspond with a verse from 1 Nephi.

Modern-day experts in Egyptian, Chaldaic, Assyriac, and Arabic. In 1829, any knowledge of these languages possessed by U.S. scholars would have been rudimentary at best. Expertise in them has vastly improved since then. So go ahead, do it. Get any modern expert in these languages to identify which of these "Caractors" are Egyptian, Chaldaic, Assyriac and Arabic. Better still, accept the claim of Mormon apologists that Anthon did indeed so testify and that his appraisal of the Caractors was correct. (Op. cit, pp. 73-75)

Save your money! Samples of Assyriac/Aramaic and Arabic writing:

What say you? Which of Smith's "Caractors" resemble the Assyriac and Arabic ones? No need to pay experts for their analysis. A child could accurately check this out. These writing systems have remained constant for well over 3000 years.

“....Gidgiddonah, Lamah, Gilgal, Limhah, Jeneum, Cumenihah, Moronihah, Antionum, Shiblom, Shem, and Josh, had fallen with their ten thousand....”

What a veritable FEAST of names the BoM has provided! It’s the SHIZ that keeps on giving!

JS must have held “Name That Nephite!” contests among his followers. Otherwise, how could all these monikers have sprung from the head of just one fortunehunting storyteller?

;^)

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.