Posted on 06/13/2011 6:54:18 PM PDT by Gamecock
You Might Just Be A Calvinist If….
If you have a Martin Luther Jell-O mold… you just might be a Calvinist.
If your DVR has over 25 episodes of Wretched With Todd Friel recorded on it… you just might be a Calvinist.
If your child’s first word was “Westminster”… you just might be a Calvinist.
If your 4 year old can explain what the word “propitiation” means… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you send your mother tulips on Mother’s Day… you might be a Calvinist.
If your passion for evangelism blows away your Arminian friends… you might just be a (true) Calvinist.
If you hate rap music BUT you listen to Lecrea, The Cross Movement, Flame or D.A. T.R.U.T.H. because of the lyrics and theology… you might be a Calvinist.
If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur make up 90% of your Facebook statuses…you might be a Calvinist.
If you still remember the 8 speakers in order from the recent T4G conference… you might be a Calvinist.
If you cringe every time you hear someone proclaim “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life! Choose Jesus!”… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever wanted to attend a Benny Hinn crusade just so you could stand up and shout “Ichabod!!”… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you purposefully read a book to be convicted… you might just be a Calvinist.
If a free Bible or book has ever arrived in the mail to you from John McArthur… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have to order theological books online because no one at the Christian bookstore has ever heard of them… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you have ever purchased 100 or more copies of the same John Piper book to hand out to random people you meet …you just might be a Calvinist.
If you ever have found yourself thinking “My pastor’s sermon was particularly Spurgeonesque this morning”… you just might be a Calvinist.
If you read “The Purpose Driven Life” just to see how bad the book really is… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you go to your bookshelf in search of a particular John MacArthur book only to discover that your 14 year old son is reading it up in his bedroom… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you purchased an MP3 player with the sole purpose of downloading sermons… you might be a Calvinist.
If you were shocked to just discover that some people download MP3 files that are not sermons… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have adjusted the default passage setting at www.biblegateway.org from “NIV” to “ESV” … you might be a Calvinist.
If while visiting friends or family’s homes you hid their copy of “The Shack” (for their own good)… you might just be a Calvinist.
If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index… you might be a Calvinist.
If your teenagers are excited that your church’s youth group is learning Biblical theology and being spiritually challenged instead of playing stupid games and eating pizza…. you might just be a Calvinist.
If you think a 50-minute sermon is too short… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever heard a wave of groans sweep through Sunday School when you refer to Romans 9… you might be a Calvinist.
If you find yourself talking to the Lord Jesus more than to your family… you might be a Calvinist.
If you get irritated when you visit a Christian bookstore and ask where they keep the books on deeper theology and they point you to the Joel Osteen section… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you find yourself wanting to read your Bible instead of watching television… you might be a Calvinist.
If quotes from Pink, Spurgeon, Luther, Piper, and McArthur pop into your head at random times during the day …you might be a Calvinist.
If you can barely contain your laughter when someone refers to Joyce Meyer as a “minister”… you might just be a Calvinist.
If you are confused when someone uses the term “my Bible” as if they only have one…you might be a Calvinist.
If your Bibles must be replaced in less than a year due to pages separating from the spine…you might be a Calvinist.
If you smile, nod and hold your tongue with your teeth after a lively church service when someone says, “God showed up today”… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever shouted “YES!” when the pastor says to turn to 1st Thessalonians…you might be a Calvinist.
If you see 6:37 on a digital clock and think of the Lord Jesus’ words in John… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve muted a Thanksgiving football game because it’s interfering with your family discussion of Ephesians 1… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have bookmarked three or more preachers’ scripture index webpages… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
If your kids own more Bibles than televisions… you might be a Calvinist.
If your children never ask you “Where are we going?” on Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday night… you might be a Calvinist.
If you’ve ever read parts of “The Bondage of the Will” to children under ten and prayed that it would change their lives… you might be a Calvinist.
If your children argue and you require them to listen to a Piper Sermon as punishment… you might be a Calvinist.
If you visit spurgeon.org, desiringgod.org, and gty.org, more than once a day, yep… you guessed it… YOU, my dear friend, might just be a Calvinist!!
SOLI DEO GLORIA!
If you know what T4G stands for, you might be a Calvinist.
If your kid, who listens to rap music and dresses scruffily, prefers the Psalter and cleans up well on Sunday morning without prodding, they might be a Calvinist
“If you cringe every time you hear someone proclaim “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life! Choose Jesus!”… you might be a Calvinist. “
... or a Satanist.
Just saying.
ping...
Malachi 1:2 “I have loved you,” says the Lord. But you say, “How have you loved us?” “Is not Esau Jacob's brother?” declares the Lord. “Yet I have loved Jacob 3 but Esau I have hated. I have laid waste his hill country and left his heritage to jackals of the desert.”Just sayin'.
Don’t worry, you don’t have to know all of it!
I’m guilty of a few of these, lol. But I’m glad to say I’m an unashamed Calvinist. I consider myself to be a New Calvinist. My pastor is Matt Chandler who is very much a Calvinist!
If you enjoy reading the ESV Bible on your BlackBerry instead of playing “Kaglom”, you just might be a Calvinist
If the first theater movie you went too was “The Hiding Place”; and you weren’t quite sure it was O.K. .... You might be a Calvinist.
I rooted my Nook and the first app I downloaded was the free ESV bible
If you were ever asked to leave Dallas Theological Seminary and it was suggested you go to WTC instead; you might be a Calvinist.
So do Calvinist Christians believe they should love everyone?
“Just sayin’.”
Do you HATE you mother and father???
Just saying.
If you fall down the stairs and say “Thank God that’s over with” you might be a Calvinist.
Yup.
We are told to do so.
I am a Cumberland Presbyterian, which makes me a heavily modified Calvinist . . . I guess . . . but I am glad you all are spreading the jibes around, I don’t mind LOL
I have heard that “hate” in Biblical usage can mean “love less,” such as in the context you used.
i’m not a Calvinist. but i thought your list was delightful.
...and your Bible quote was interesting. i never thought about it that way before.
seems like God might not be too fond of Mohammad, and others who lead his little ones astray...
i interpret 1 Corinthians 12 broadly, and i’m happy to have Christian brothers like you.
(especially with almost 2 billion Muslims in the world, that object to our giving off CO2 on principle...)
thanks for posting this.
If you believe that Pope Benedict XVI is the devil, and that his followers are Mary-worshipping pedophilic alcoholics who hate Scripture and curse themselves with the sign of the cross,
Then you might be my Bible-thumping coworker.
;^)
Just sayin'.
My pleasure!
“Don’t be silly. Our love for Christ should so overshadow the love we have for our parents that we in contrast we appear to hate our parents.
Just sayin’.”
++++++++++++++++++
Now hang on there partner...
How do you distinguish between the HATE of the Esau verse and Jesus’ instruction to HATE our parents?????
One, you say is literal. The other comparative.
How do you make that distinction???
If you’ve never, ever uttered the words “I’ll be brief,” you just MIGHT be....well, you know. :-)
I guess I are one.
Sorry, I still like the NASB better than the ESV but the one that really gave me pause was “Pink”—my first thought was the celebrity with that color hair, and couldn’t figure out why she was being mentioned in the same class as Spurgeon :-)
Because if we insist on literally hating our parents, and yet we are told to honor them, we have fractured Scripture.
No such fracture exists with God hating x number of people.
This one:
“If you’ve never, ever uttered the words “I’ll be brief,” you just MIGHT be....well, you know. :-)”
________________________________________
Errr, I am not sure why I was pinged.
I had never seen this FR thread.
Does this mean that I have been marked, and should be
afraid..very affraid? hahaha ;)
If you have to order theological books online because no one at the Christian bookstore has ever heard of them… you might just be a Calvinist.
Ain't it the truth.
If you have ever purchased 100 or more copies of the same John Piper book to hand out to random people you meet …you just might be a Calvinist.
I have purchased cheap copies of "The Heidelberg" to give out. Think of it as an unusually large tract.
If you read “The Purpose Driven Life” just to see how bad the book really is… you might just be a Calvinist.
My copy of PDL sits on my "questionable to heretical" shelf, alonside Warren mentor Rob't Schuller's Self Esteem: The New Reformation, the Catholic Catechism, the Book o' Mormon, and some Marian apparition stuff. I'm keeping an eye out for Osteen and co.
If you purchased an MP3 player with the sole purpose of downloading sermons… you might be a Calvinist.If you were shocked to just discover that some people download MP3 files that are not sermons… you might be a Calvinist.
And, I have the Luther movie on my player.
If your preacher says to turn to Obadiah and you do not use the index… you might be a Calvinist.
If your preacher has ever given a sermon on Nahum, ... (Yes, back in the day.)
If you find yourself wanting to read your Bible instead of watching television… you might be a Calvinist.
Not too difficult.
If your Bibles must be replaced in less than a year due to pages separating from the spine…you might be a Calvinist.
You would not believe how beat up the covers of my RSB got. To the duct tape stage in less than a year. Interior's fine. Spend the money to get something that's not glued together.
If you’ve ever been banned from a Sunday School class for quoting scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
It's possible I'm viewed as a troublemaker.
If you have ever purposefully sung a different word in a hymn to conform to scripture… you might be a Calvinist.
< sigh>
Interestingly enough, Alice Cooper is reported to be a Calvinist.
tulip
Yes my ancestors were Walloons and Huguenots
If you have ever watched Joel Osteen on TV and you were just utterly speechless.....
“No such fracture exists with God hating x number of people.”
Oh “yes it do”!
“For God so loved THE WORLD that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
“The times of ignorance God overlooked, but now he commands ALL PEOPLE everywhere to repent, “
(Incidentally, my little son sitting here has told me to tell you to check on it in the Bible and you will find out that God loves everyone and He wants them to be saved.)
“For God so loved THE WORLD" does not say For God so loved everyone in the world, now does it? Rather is means there are those from every tongue tribe and nation.
"but now he commands ALL PEOPLE everywhere to repent"
And those who do will be saved. Those who don't, well, we know how that will turn out.
the Bible and you will find out that God loves everyone and He wants them to be saved
All men or all men whom He chooses? If He want all men to be saved, why dis he harden the heart of Pharaoh? Why does He harden those who he desires? If you hold that he wants all to be saved and yet he hardens hearts and creates some to be vessels of wrath, well, you have fractured Scripture.
Best regards to your son! 8-)
I've received two of them.
How many of those do you have to match to wear the badge (for some - of shame) of “Calvinist”?
If you argue for the hateful god...
“If your 4 year old can explain what the word “propitiation” means… you might just be a Calvinist.”
So many of those apply to me, but that one made me laugh. After church yesterday I tried to explain “propitiation” and “substitution” and “mediator” to my five-year-old daughter. I was proud when my eight-year-old chimed in and told her little sister that Jesus Christ is our “great high priest.” Apparently she listened to our sermon more than I realized.
““For God so loved THE WORLD” does not say For God so loved everyone in the world, now does it?”
In the broader context of John, the “World” is the unsaved, darkened masses - those who are not God’s people. That’s who God loved... the “World” that hated Him and didn’t recognize him. To artificially break the “World” as John uses it, into two camps, the loved and the unloved, is to miss the entire shocking point.
+++++++++++++++++
“And those who do will be saved. Those who don’t, well, we know how that will turn out.”
No argument from me.
++++++++++++++++
“All men or all men whom He chooses?”
It’s hard to miss this: “ALL PEOPLE EVERYWHERE”
+++++++++++++++++
“If He want all men to be saved, why dis he harden the heart of Pharaoh? “
According to Romans 1, God hardens or “give over” those who have gone so far in sin that they are set in their course. They have had their chance. Their fate, by their own choice, has been sealed in this world. The are, “dead men walking”. God hardens them in their sin to us them as an example to others of His judgment on wickedness.
Show me in the Bible where God turns a righteous man to sin and hardens his heart! And why shouldn’t God do something like that - to show the extent of His sovereignty!?!? Guess what... it isn’t there.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
“If you hold that he wants all to be saved and yet he hardens hearts and creates some to be vessels of wrath, well, you have fractured Scripture. “
Following Paul’s reasoning in Romans, here’s a salient question for you... can a goat become a sheep?
If they can then your theology in fractured.
I believe you are correct.
You can “love” everyone in the sense you “love all people”, but that doesn’t mean you can’t love some people more because they are closer to you, etc.
“Many are called but few are chosen.”
That’s the one that so many forget to keep in mind.
Thanks, sent to the whole session :>)
According to Romans 1, God hardens or “give over” those who have gone so far in sin that they are set in their course. They have had their chance. Their fate, by their own choice, has been sealed in this world. The are, “dead men walking”. God hardens them in their sin to us them as an example to others of His judgment on wickedness.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
We are only called to preach His Word...but God alone chooses whom He will save. I know this makes you angry but you have to understand that God runs the show...not us. I could not even WANT to know Him in and of myself, He had to supply that to. The first scripture God revealed to me when I was saved in 1985 was:
John 15:16
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.
It took me another 20 years to understand this.
Knowing and accepting that God alone is in control is the hardest and the most comforting truth He has taught me thus far. Our sin nature wants so much to believe that somehow we have some part in our salvation, but alas, we do not...lest any man should boast.
Notice the word HERITAGE means past and what it caused:
Malachi 1:2 was written long after Jacob and Esau lived on earth. This is hundreds of years later. I think it means after the fact of natural life. They are naturally died. After death God is talking about their judgement. Esau sounds like he is in hell. So are people in hell still loved? No! I believe if you only are alive and can enjoy life before you die no matter your character GOD still loves you to repent.
Remember the verse He allows the rain or sunshine on the good or the bad which shows his love. I believe this Malachi verse is an after the fact verse. Notice when the apostle JOHN writes God is love he is living in the natural world not the supernatural yet. Like two zones for the eternal soul. The Apostle John is addressing people on earth only "zone". The people who died and went to hell reject his love thus hate is hell? It's like a place because they reject God's love of repentence. Just looking at it from this angle.
“Show me in the Bible where God turns a righteous man to sin and hardens his heart! And why shouldn’t God do something like that - to show the extent of His sovereignty!?!? Guess what... it isn’t there.”
I’d really like to meet some of these righteous people you speak of.
Friend, I used to believe just as you believe. But then God taught me the glorious truth of His grace and it literally changed my life.
I may be wrong, but I bet your understanding of Calvinism is little more than a caricature. Despite a sound theological education from a top institution, for many years I argued against a system I did not understand. I relied on what I had been taught and my own logic and understanding. I shudder when I think of it because it was a flippant and dangerous approach to a matter of such eternal consequence.
I would point you to Romans 3:10-18.
10As it is written, There is NONE righteous, no, not one:
11There is NONE that understandeth, there is NONE that seeketh after God.
12They are all gone out of the way, they are together become unprofitable; there is NONE that doeth good, NO, NOT ONE.
13Their throat is an open sepulchre; with their tongues they have used deceit; the poison of asps is under their lips:
14Whose mouth is full of cursing and bitterness:
15Their feet are swift to shed blood:
16Destruction and misery are in their ways:
17And the way of peace have they not known:
18There is no fear of God before their eyes.
That’s the Apostle Paul’s Divinely-inspired description of the spiritual state of mankind. We’re dead in trespasses and sin. Unregenerate men do not seek after God and they certainly are not righteous. The Bible says even our righteousness, our very best, is as filthy rags in the eyes of the Lord. If God didn’t chose some, no one would be saved and the glory of His grace would never be demonstrated.
God will never harden a righteous man because that would go against His character. Only those born again are truly righteous. Once you are His, He has promised you are His forever. You will persevere in the faith. Christ said: “All that the Father giveth me shall come to me; and Him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out.” (John 6:37)
It’s important to understand that believers aren’t righteous on their own accord. There is no amount of work they can do to attain any measure of righteousness, let alone the righteousness required by God. A believer, a true child of God, has Christ’s perfect righteousness imputed to him. Thought the believer is a vile guilty sinner, he will stand in the court of heaven innocent and blameless because he is clothed in the Master’s perfect robes of righteousness.
A final point about the hardening of hearts. As Jeremiah said, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
I don’t believe God takes a righteous heart that might one day come to Him and turn it to stone. All He has to do is remove His restraining grace, His hedge of protection, and allow what’s already in that deceitful wicked heart to manifest.
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