I’ve always been one to look for God in the outdoors. There have been times in my adult life when I’ve attended Mass regularly, but it has always been those times when I found a Priest with whom I could relate... as a friend or mentor, not just as a guy who recites the words while on the Altar.
Those times that I’m not in regular attendance I’m still regularly contemplating God, Jesus and the nature of existence. I thank God every day for the gift of my sentience and free will, while also praying to be an integral part of Him again soon. I thank Jesus every day for being what I like to consider as my lawyer in the courtroom of God’s justice. I do not fear the sneaky words of evil — talk to my lawyer first. :)
Those times when I’m away from the Church, my favorite place to be close to God is on a mountain top or in the desert with my telescope. (I’m a fanatically avid amateur astronomer) It makes me feel just as fulfilled as after attending a great service with a full choir, honest to God pipe organ, and an awesome sermon.
But no matter how far I roam, and how many nights I spend under the stars, I’ll always be a Catholic and come back to the Church. I’ll always feel love and admiration towards the wonderful Nuns who taught me in school, and the Priests who were our spiritual guides. I dearly miss the grown-ups from when I was a kid. Those Priests and Nuns were selfless men and women doing God’s work every day. Performing the small miracle of making me who I am today.
Amen. God will guide you.
As will all the Angels and Saints.
Last year after our yearly no tv other than EWTN for the whole Lenten Season and my sons dedication to the Divine Mercy I woke up early on Divine Mercy Sunday with SO much energy as to pack him up in his WC and drive 8hr round trip to attend the Divine Mercy Mass at The Grotto in Portland Oregon and it was Divine. : )
So I can relate to your journey. Perservere.