Posted on 03/08/2004 10:14:22 AM PST by AAABEST
While the public's response to Mel Gibson's record breaking blockbuster "The Passion" has been overwhelmingly positive and most would agree (regardless of your religious background) that it has had a positive affect on those who view it, there has been a few negatives as a result of this cinematic hurricane.
One negative aspect is that some people have had to wait days to get near a theater to view even a matinee showing of this phenomenal work of biblical art. Another negative is that Mr. Gibson is going to have to work harder at scheduling mass times at his humble traditional Catholic chapel where he worships. This is due to the inordinate amount of time he's forced to spend filling out the extra zeros on his bank deposit slips.
Another downer is that there has been a new psychological disorder discovered during the making of this movie and its subsequent release.
Normally I’m staunchly against medicating physically healthy people, but with this particular disorder I’m starting to second-guess my position on the issue or at least considering making a calculated exception. I think heavy medication may be appropriate, if only to prevent those afflicted from going into the senseless and irrational shrieking fits that this movie seems to catalyze.
Remember those stories you’ve read about certain video games or media inducing epileptic seizures? Well this disorder is similar as far a the severity of the reaction, but far worse in regard to scope. The seizure phenomena were/are relatively rare; this media induced malady seems on its way to being declared an epidemic.
The disorder I’m referring to is known as "Passion Induced Stress Trauma" (or PIST). Although the vast majority of people who see "The Passion" view it as a source of enlightenment and inspiration, there is a sizable minority who for some strange reason get PIST as a result of this movie. It seems to affect primarily liberals, lefties and those with agendas that coincide with such. Be advised that actually seeing the movie is not a prerequisite to getting PIST.
The good News is that most of the symptoms and sub-maladies of PIST are easily recognizable and difficult for even the most clever of patients to conceal. If you or anyone you know exhibits the following symptoms please seek help. They are as follows:
Violence Induced Loathing Epidemic (VILE) – Many people who have previously hailed movies in which people are cut up with chain saws, women are raped with giant metal penises or victim's heads are blown apart, have suddenly discovered that they have a "line" when it comes to cinematic violence. Normally this line would be a positive development. However, many experts suspect that as soon as the hype surrounding "The Passion" ebbs, these same VILE subjects will revert back to hailing as geniuses such mindless cretins as Quentin Tarantino and lauding movies such as "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" or "Seven". If the subject normally defends gratuitous, graphic violence in the media as free speech, yet paradoxically is horrified by a biblically accurate account of Jesus being scourged at the pillar, they most likely are VILE patient who has gotten PIST as a result of seeing "The Passion".
Anti-Semitic Schizophrenia (ASS) – Despite the nomenclature, people with a case of ASS are not necessarily Jewish, in fact most are not. If the subject is loudly proclaiming anti-Semitism where none exists, they most likely have an acute case of ASS. ASS inflicted people can be identified either by their notion that any Jewish person depicted in an unfavorable light is a sign of anti-Semitism or by their refusal to recognize any Jews cast in a positive light as evidence to the contrary. Despite the fact that Jesus Himself, his mother, the twelve apostles, Simon and many other Jews in "The Passion" are shown to be historic heroes, ASS patients seem to focus solely on the small group of long-dead Pharisees who condemned Jesus. Fortunately, many cases of ASS that have been acquired by those who haven’t seen the movie have been cured once they view it. The absence of burning synagogues around the movie theaters also goes a long way toward ameliorating ASS. In some cases however, ASS seems to be incurable. It is especially virulent in cases where fundraisers of 501-c3 advocacy organizations are afflicted.
Studio Head Mogul Underestimation Kick (SHMUK) – As opposed to most symptoms being of a psychological nature, SHMUK is a physical symptom as the result of having gotten PIST. If you happen across a studio executive who is on his way to the bank, he will most likely be kicking himself firmly in his rear-end, in which case you will be witnessing a SHMUK. Although only afflicting a small yet elite study group, it seems that every studio executive in Hollywood is SHMUCK-prone, with the clear exception of the executives employed by Newmarket Films.
Renewed Affinity for Religious Expertise (RARE) – The Passion seems to have inspired countless experts on religion and Christianity to materialize in areas where few existed before. While there are many valid religious experts to be found, the RARE victim can be identified by his complete absence of interest in anything to do with religion and/or Christ prior to the release of this particular movie. Also, as opposed to the true expert, the RARE victim uses his newfound "expertise" and interest in the Gospels to cast doubt on the integrity of "The Passion" or even go so far as to attempt to undermine Christianity itself.
Bishop Unbecoming Malady Syndrome (BUMS) – This seems to have afflicted many Catholic Bishops, particularly in liberal urban areas such as Cleveland, Los Angeles and New York. BUMS is particularly distressing given that it renders the victim completely useless to himself and those under his charge. BUMS is usually found in conjunction with other symptoms of PIST, so the smitten bishops can potentially be classified as PIST VILE BUMS. The infected Bishop may have seen to it that flyers were handed out "warning" the flock of about the movie or they may state in press conferences that they have no intention of seeing the movie with the purpose of dissuading his followers from seeing it. If you see someone who is dressed as a Catholic bishop yet doesn’t act like one, there is a good chance he may be infected with this illness. BUMS often indicates a larger and more serious disease within the clergy known as SCUM (Sacrilegious Clergy Undermining Morality), which would cause the bishops in question to be classified as SCUM BUMS.
While serious and confounding, the good News is that PIST seems to affect only a small minority of the public at large and is in many cases curable in varying degrees. Also, as stated above it seems be be rare outside of liberal and leftist circles.
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Lots of ASS on FR. My bishop has the VILE BUMS. But if just one person gets the RARE, it is all worth it.
That would be SOREASS
Too funny!
This post has actually lightened my day!
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