Wedding-day kiss will be couple's first

SeattleTimes.nwsource.com ^ | August 9, 2003

[ican'tbelieveit]

I think those ridiculing this behavior are doing so out of a recognition they don't have the same will power. Intimate contact is a form of "foreplay" for arousal of your partner. So maybe a slight kiss on the cheek, etc, may not lead to more desire. But snuggling on the couch will lead to the desire to do more than just "snuggle."

And for those commenting on the hugging/kissing with family being viewed as incest, etc., the article clearly discusses the contact the partners have with family, such as the man saying the only woman he has kissed was his mother.

[SouthernFreebird]

"I did have some emotion for her, not a lot," said Burwell, who owns a custom-cabinet business in Maple Valley. "But I knew deep down that this was the person God wanted me to have." They agreed to date, and they both admit the first month and a half was something of an effort.

This is what I find incredible, they decide God wants them together and actually had to force a relationship. Now, I don't know but I would be very cautious about this, what if they are actually trying to please God by convincing themselves they are in love and marry only to find out later there is no sexual attraction to each other then what?

Call me immoral if you want but before I stand before God and promise to love another person for the rest of our lives I want to know more than how their hand feels with mine. If they don't click sexually they are in for a loooooooong hard marriage.JMO

[ican'tbelieveit]

Pretty facinating that we base our whole idea of successful marraige on the amount of sexual attraction. Although that is a wonderful benefit, there is much more to marraige than
a few minutes of gratification every night. There are alot of people out there that have wonderful sex, but cannot have a wonderful marraige.

[Luis Gonzalez]

"And when he gave his own daughter away at her wedding, he felt sure he was placing her hand into her husband-to-be's for the first time ever."

This is lunacy, not holding hands a sign of sexual purity?

Does that mean that everytime this Pastor shakes a man's hand he is committing some sort of homosexual act?

How about if he shakes the hand of another man's wife?

Is that then adultery?

I uderstand wanting to be virgins at the altar, but no holding hands is way over the top.

[Luis Gonzalez]

"...there is much more to marriage than a few minutes of gratification every night."

A couple of observations:

• It should be more than "a few minutes", and

• Would it bother you if your spouse spent those few minutes with someone else?

[ican'tbelieveit]

Of course it would bother me, and he would no longer be my spouse. If a spouse is out satisfying their "needs" elsewhere, without recognizing what it is doing to their marriage (of which sex is only a small part, hence my comment about a few minutes), they shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.

And just as much as it would bother me after marriage that my spouse be with someone else; it bothers me that they would do so before marriage. Why is it not as important for a potential spouse to be faithful to me before marriage, as after?

Not to mention, there are many things that happen after marriage that reduce a partner's ability to "perform." If you choose to commit for better or worse, you better accept this as a possibility.

[ican'tbelieveit]

You are assuming that in speaking of this emotion he was not referring to some sort of attraction. Maybe this emotion he spoke of was a sexual attraction. The rest they had to learn about.

And I think our society places to much emphasis on sexual desires. One thing that so called "gold diggers" have is a sense of direction. They know what kind of life they want to live, and what kind of man or woman it will take to fulfill the requirements for that life and they pursue it. I am not endorsing this, just saying that these people have a set of desired goals, and work to achieve them. Just as these people had goals of sexual purity and worked to achieve them.

[Happygal]

``Minus the raging boner I presume.''

Damn that was funny!!! *LOL*

[sweetliberty]

"This is lunacy, not holding hands a sign of sexual purity?"

I think you are missing the point. By the pastors own admission, there are some couples who are not so restrictive in their expression of affection. I suspect that he counsels them to set their individual boundaries on physical contact based on their ability to control their desires as well as on what they want to bring to the marriage. Holding hands can be very intimate, and erotic. While it might be easy for some to hold hands without having the overwhelming urge to do more, for others, it could be a powerful trigger.

Others may simply want to preserve ALL the touching for marriage so that their relationship, especially the earliest part of it, is full of discovery. Let's face it, by the time most couples make it to the altar these days, there is nothing new, nothing left to discover....at least in the physical and much of the emotiuonal sense, and I think that is really a shame. It cheats couples of the pure delight in one another that God intended for marriage, and that is not something that can be had before marriage, because that is outside of God's will, and it's not something that be recovered once it is lost either.

I admire this couple for their restraint and I expect it will pay off in an enduring marriage. And regarding your comments about shaking the hand of another man's wife being adultery, that is just silly and you know it.

[Scenic Sounds]

"We knew that if we starting touching, things were going to start happening."

Can't fault the logic! ;-)

[It's me]

I'd love to be a fly on the wall in their honeymoon suite. I'm sure the attempts at consumation will be hysterical.

"Honey, what should I do now? "I haven't a clue, dearheart. You tell me."

Why? Are you speaking from expierence? Is this what happened for you the first time?

[It's me]

Pretty facinating that we base our whole idea of successful marraige on the amount of sexual attraction. Although that is a wonderful benefit, there is much more to marraige than a few minutes of gratification every night. There are alot of people out there that have wonderful sex, but cannot have a wonderful marraige.

Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! You hit the nail on the head.

That is why there is a 50% divorce rate in our country. Or is the rate higher now?

Too bad that more people don't work on their marriage. It leads to great sex.

[Luis Gonzalez]

That trigger would be present without holding hands, if that was such a concenr, then beiong alone for any amount of time could trigger those emotions just as easily.

To each their own I guess.

"Let's face it, by the time most couples make it to the altar these days, there is nothing new, nothing left to discover."

Now there it seems that you are saying that marriage is all about sex. My wife and I did not "wait", but ten years later we are still discovering new things all the time.

[sweetliberty]

Many of these couples who wait also avoid being alone together before they are married. That issue isn't mentioned here.

It may not be impossible to build a marriage when things get out of order, but it does interfere with God's best for the relationship. There is a reason that sex is supposed to be reserved for marriage. It should take no more than an honest look around to see the fruit of wrong relationships and lack of commitment to either God or a partner.

Of course marriage isn't all about sex, but if sex is the first thing that occurs in a relationship, it effectively prevents the growth of other essential elements, including real intimacy.

[KneelBeforeZod]

salt peter in the scrambled eggs maybe???

(isnt' that suppose to be a myth?)

[Tall_Texan]

I would be offended if such a standard (no hugging, no holding hands) was taught as doctrine. But I have no problem at all if the individuals choose to have this agreement with each other. Couples *do* need to have some commonality and something to strive for together, even if it is restraining themselves before marriage.

Shame on all these folks who would judge them or snicker at them. The more you can appreciate each other for qualities apart from the intimacy, the more likely the partnership will find some true stability and a sense of belonging. Seems to me that, once you've got that foundation, the sex would just be icing on the cake.

[Tall_Texan]

If they don't click sexually they are in for a loooooooong hard marriage.JMO

I'm not going to say it.

I'm not.

I'm just not.

See? I *do* have some discipline!

[Luis Gonzalez]

"If they don't click sexually they are in for a loooooooong hard marriage.JMO"

"Difficult marriage" may have been a better choice of words.

[Allegra]

That's easy to say when I am not the least bit restricted in any activity I choose, with the exception of you know what and I do feel great!

Good for you! It's refreshing to see that there are at least a few people who realize there is more to life than sex. While sex is a part of life, it is only just that.

Since the Sexual Revolution of the (was it 60's? 70's?) many in this country have developed the collective obsessive mentality of a 14-year-old boys' locker room.

[LeprechaunAngst]

"when he gave his own daughter away at her wedding, he felt sure he was placing her hand into her husband-to-be's for the first time ever"
How in the world is holding hands sexual?