The Gore Presidency: The First Two Years

Capital Grill ^ | Jan. 27, 2003 | David Podvin (AKA-Laura's Fat Hips)

[pad 34]

Delicious Lollipops The Gore Presidency: The First Two Years By David Podvin

Jan. 27, 2003 -- Washington, DC /AmeriNews/ Now that we have reached the midpoint in the first term of President Al Gore, it is time to reflect on what has occurred during the past two years.

Under the president’s wise leadership, America is experiencing unprecedented prosperity at home and receiving unparalleled respect overseas; our nation has never been stronger. As the Washington Post recently editorialized, “It’s time for impeachment!”

Of course, President Gore won the election in a controversial manner - by getting the most votes. The choice of the American people was ratified in an upset five-four decision by the United States Supreme Court when, just minutes before hearing the case, Associate Justice Clarence Thomas inadvertently glanced into a mirror. Thomas was stunned to discover that he is a black man, and immediately resolved that ballots cast by African Americans in Florida would have be counted.

The inaugural ceremony was a splendid occasion, featuring a dynamic speech by the president during which he befuddled conservatives by speaking in complete and coherent sentences. The only negative aspect of the event was the persistent sobbing from press row, culminating in Post reporter Ceci Connelly insanely rushing the podium while chanting, “Satan, Satan, Son of Sin – Free us from your evil kin.” The drooling journalist was taken into custody for psychiatric evaluation and, after having been declared mentally incompetent, was promptly promoted to be managing editor of the Post.

The president began his administration by keeping his campaign promise to spend two billion dollars on enhanced airport security. If not for his vigilance, the failed al Qaida terrorist attack on September 11, 2001 could have been a real disaster for America. Thanks to the cost effective Gore Defense Initiative, all of the culprits were apprehended, as was the “mastermind” of the box cutter assault. That last arrest dealt a stunning setback to international terrorism, while also creating a vacancy in the executive branch in Texas.

President Gore’s highly successful economic plan has consisted of jobs programs for the poor, tax cuts for the working class, and delicious lollipops for the rich. As a result, the prosperity of the Clinton era has continued unabated, with record levels of employment. In protest of all that opportunity being lavished on the undeserving lower classes, Republican Party Chairman Marc Racicot vowed to go on a hunger strike. Alas, his will soon faltered - those lollipops proved to be just too irresistible.

The president's comprehensive program of economic development and hiring more cops has made the streets of America safer. Violent crime has continued to plummet, due in large part to the house arrest of Wall Street Journal columnist John Fund. White-collar crime is also decreasing; pressure from the administration has caused Wall Street to finally get serious about policing corporate malfeasance under the firm guidance of New York Stock Exchange President Michael Moore.

And kudos to our leader for finally resolving the intractable problem of radioactive waste disposal by locating the ideal site to contain all of this country’s hazardous material. Americans will remember the Tennessean’s bold commitment to a safe ecology every time we drive past the all-encompassing glow that will now perpetually emanate from the well-manicured grounds of the Excellence In Broadcasting Network.

With the presidency in strong hands, wonderful things just seem to keep happening:

For almost two years now, uncooperative witness Kenneth Starr has been held without bail in Guantanamo at the behest of Attorney General Susan MacDougal.

In March 2001, Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein fled his country in order to become chairman of the Georgia Republican Party.

Later that year, under the terms of the Gore Homeland Security Act, democracy was strengthened when Americans were granted even more freedom to express their views without government harassment. The prospect of citizens having greater personal liberty caused grief-stricken former senator John Ashcroft to issue a stirring dissent in which he demanded, "Give me repression or give me death!"

We will miss him.

Early in 2002, North Korea agreed to relinquish all weapons of mass destruction after President Gore assured them that – immediately following her next snotty “Asians eat dogs” reference - Ann Coulter will be dressed up as a Schnauzer and airmailed post haste to The Pyongyang Buffet.

In June, Yasser Arafat finally agreed to peacefully coexist with Israel after Secretary of State Barbara Lee convinced Ariel Sharon to promise that the Mossad would forcibly prevent any further renditions by Adam Sandler of “The Chanukah Song”.

The last two years have certainly been wonderful for Americans, albeit better for some than others. In one of life’s little ironies, GOP statesman Tom DeLay had to retire from politics when he was permanently incapacitated by an enraged swarm of vengeful termites. Mississippi Senator Trent Lott also left Congress after he was the target of a recall campaign by his African American constituents. Black Mississippians were offended by Lott’s numerous racist remarks, and also by his condescending conciliatory gestures that included legally changing his name to Toupee X and marrying the actress who played Weezie on “The Jeffersons”.

Finally, when the president’s approval rating reached 96% last week, the entire editorial board of the Wall Street Journal committed bourgeois suicide.

Candor requires the acknowledgement that some bad things have also happened since Al Gore assumed this nation’s highest office, but there is no need to dwell on those minor setbacks here.

After all, every single one of them was Ronald Reagan’s fault.

[pad 34]

Yes, the author is delusional. I don’t like to include “Barf Alert” in the title. Rebuttals welcome and easy to imagine.

BTW- the site needs a few more Freepers to liven it up!

Admin/Mod- Please don’t consider this a disruption, just a little humor for the gizzard.

[finnman69]

What's funny is if this is supposed to be serious or mocking Gore's perceived Mr. Perfect image. Under real life scrutiny Gore would be a total disaster.

[pad 34]

Total agreement.

[wimpycat]

They wanted Gore to win so bad, they started making sh!t up to convince themselves, ROFLMAO!

[pad 34]

It goes well on the eve of W's address. The left is in shambles!

[VRWCmember]

I'm confused here. Is the author trying to mock the nonsense that liberals say about algore and the "stolen election" or is he actually suggesting that an algore presidency would really somehow resemble his pipedream.

Either way, it's a pretty incoherant rambling pile of excrement that suggests he should locate another source for his mind-altering drugs. That last batch was some really bad $#!+.

[goodnesswins]

Ahem....what was that Thread yesterday about not posting LEFTY site stuff here.....????

[MHGinTN]

David Podvin = merely a bitter little prick, but representative of the bitter little democrat party.

[isthisnickcool]

The Democrats obviously have much better drugs than anyone suspects.

[Izzy Dunne]

In June, Yasser Arafat finally agreed to peacefully coexist with Israel after Secretary of State Barbara Lee convinced Ariel Sharon to promise that the Mossad would forcibly prevent any further renditions by Adam Sandler of “The Chanukah Song”.

You know, I could go for this part...

[r9etb]

I don’t like to include “Barf Alert” in the title.

I think you'd have been more accurate to have called it a "Penthouse (Political) Forum" alert.

"I work for a small, midwestern newspaper, and I never believed something like this could happen to me....."

[pad 34]

I posted it under Humor with an apology to Admin/Mod.

[JohnnyZ]

Ahem....what was that Thread yesterday about not posting LEFTY site stuff here.....????

Amen to that, but what if southpaw Republican Al Leiter were to post an article? Or run for senate in New Jersey? You have to have exceptions . . .

[WaveThatFlag]

Thomas was stunned to discover that he is a black man, and immediately resolved that ballots cast by African Americans in Florida would have be counted.

Even the ones cast by DEAD African Americans?

[Numbers Guy]

This piece is such a stretch that it reads like a Freeper parody of a DU type article.

[OneLoyalAmerican]

Side boys please, David Podvin (AKA-Laura's Fat Hips), now boarding the Good Ship Lollypop. BTW Mr. Podvin, what color is the sky in your world?

[pad 34]

Go check out the web site- left and right in a "food fight".

[moodyskeptic]

Poorly written. Confusing. That Gore would have done anything other than destroy America is now widely seen as impossible. Even stubborn liberals grudgingly agree. Except conspiracy crackpots like the ones who spoke at the "peace rally" and, apparently, this guy.

[MEGoody]

I'm sure the author wrote this in the spirit of sarcasm, making fun of all those far 'lefties' who still moan and groan because Gore didn't win. I mean, this is too ridiculous to be serious.

[TC Rider]

I guess it's refreshing to know that there are still some souls out there smoking opium in pipes.

This passage raised my ire more than anything:

The president began his administration by keeping his campaign promise to spend two billion dollars on enhanced airport security. If not for his vigilance, the failed al Qaida terrorist attack on September 11, 2001 could have been a real disaster for America. Thanks to the cost effective Gore Defense Initiative, all of the culprits were apprehended, as was the “mastermind” of the box cutter assault. That last arrest dealt a stunning setback to international terrorism, while also creating a vacancy in the executive branch in Texas.

I trust that Freepers remember that it was the 'Gore' commission, appointed after TWA 800 that backed off on all increased security that would have probably prevented 9/11. The initial report recommended increased security, scanning, etc. After a few million were delivered to the DNC accounts by the airlines, the hard line disappeared.

[pad 34]

I do recall that. Wasn't Dashle's wife involved?

[KC_Conspirator]

Delicious Lollipops The Gore Presidency: The First Two Years By David Podvin

Jan. 27, 2003 -- Washington, DC /AmeriNews/ Now that we have reached the midpoint in the first term of President Al Gore, it is time to reflect on what has occurred during the past two years.

Under the president’s leadership, America is experiencing unprecedented recsssion at home and receiving disrespect overseas unparalleled since the Carter adminstration.

Of course, President Gore won the election in a controversial manner - by stealing it. The choice of the liberal elite was ratified in an suspension of the Constitution. Justice Clarence Thomas is still awaiting trail for his arguments that Americans in the military living in Florida should have been counted. The inaugural ceremony was a splendid occasion not seen since the speeches given at Bergerbraukeller decades before.

The president began his administration by keeping his campaign promise to allow unfettered illegal immigration. Because of his lack vigilance, the al Qaida terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 and beyond, American has lost the war on terror. Arabic is now the official language and forced conversions to Islam are state sanctioned.

The president's comprehensive program of economic development and firing more cops has made the streets of America a haven for violent crime. White-collar crime are also decreasing since white collar jobs are decreasing. Gore passed the unprecendented economic "Enron-Global Crossing" bailout program, sending billions of tax payer money to campaign contributors.

For almost two years now, Republican and patritos have been held without bail in Guantanamo nand other Cuban prisons at the behest of Minister of Justice Susan MacDougal. Later that year, under the terms of the Gore Homeland/Lebensraum Security Act, democracy was outlawed when the Republican and Libertarian parties were banned....

[RandyRep]

Good satire article. Thanks for posting it.

I wish someone would ask these questions:

If Al Gore had been elected President in 2000, would we:

1) have had a short and small recession in 2001?

2) have a stock market in the tank?

3) have unemployment at 6% levels?

4) the corporate fraud at Enron, Worldcom, Global Crossing, and other companies?

5) have a budget deficit?

6) had the Kyoto global warming agreement pass the Senate?

7) the Al Qaeda attacks on 9/11/01?

8) invaded Afghanistan in response to 9/11?

9) be using the UN to make Iraq comply?

10) have North Korea pull out of the NPT?

Frankly, my view is that with Al Gore as President, we would have had a longer recession, the market would be lower, unemployment would be higher, the deficit would be bigger, coporate fraud would have been addressed more forecfully and punitively, the Senate would not have passed Kyoto, the Al Qaeda attacks would have succeeded, Afghanistan would still be Talibanized, and the UN would not have passed 1441.

What would Gore have done with the economy? Spend more? He would not have reduced taxes, I'm quite sure. What would Gore have done in response to 9/11? Send some cruise missiles to kill empty tents in Afghanistan?

[pad 34]

Great rebut!! Mind if I post over at the Grill?

[pad 34]

Great rebut!! Mind if I post over at the Grill?

[RandyRep]

Good satire article. Thanks for posting it.

I wish someone would ask these questions:

If Al Gore had been elected President in 2000, would we:

1) have had a short and small recession in 2001?

2) have a stock market in the tank?

3) have unemployment at 6% levels?

4) the corporate fraud at Enron, Worldcom, Global Crossing, and other companies?

5) have a budget deficit?

6) had the Kyoto global warming agreement pass the Senate?

7) the Al Qaeda attacks on 9/11/01?

8) invaded Afghanistan in response to 9/11?

9) be using the UN to make Iraq comply?

10) have North Korea pull out of the NPT?

Frankly, my view is that with Al Gore as President, we would have had a longer recession, the market would be lower, unemployment would be higher, the deficit would be bigger, coporate fraud would have been addressed more forecfully and punitively, the Senate would not have passed Kyoto, the Al Qaeda attacks would have succeeded, Afghanistan would still be Talibanized, and the UN would not have passed 1441.

What would Gore have done with the economy? Spend more? He would not have reduced taxes, I'm quite sure. What would Gore have done in response to 9/11? Send some cruise missiles to kill empty tents in Afghanistan?

[baseballfanjm]

BTW Mr. Podvin, what color is the sky in your world?

Think psychadelia. Inna gadda da vida, baby.

[KC_Conspirator]

Go ahead, its only about half way done. I have'nt gotten to the part where North Korea invades the south and causes yet another mass famine and how Yasser Arafat and Hamas sent up barbed wired camps in Jenin...

[pad 34]

I'll wait-- continue typing, the last was ROTFLOL!

[skinkinthegrass]

DON'T LAUGH, IF Shillary is elected, we're cooked :(

[Publius]

At least President Gore would have made Gov. Gary Locke of Washington his Secretary of Education. As a Seattlite, I could take some comfort in knowing that Locke was no longer governor.

[KC_Conspirator]

In March 2001, Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein invaded almost all mideast countries in order to become chairman of OPEC. Coupled with Gore's program to eliminate the combustable engine, gas prices have spiked to $12 a gallon. Minster of Propaganda, Micheal Moore continues the practice of invading and conficating private property.

Early in 2002, North Korea invaded South Korea after threatening to use weapons of mass destruction after President Gore signed the Munich Pact II. In June, Yasser Arafat finally got the UN to ourtlaw Israel. With the help of Minister of State Barbara Lee, barbed wire camps are being contructed in Jenin and elsewhere for those Isreali's that need UN "re-education".

However, the EIB network, along with many freedom fighters like John Ashcroft, continue to broadcast "Radio Free America" from Australia.

[skinkinthegrass]

OK, OK, I know, I know, I shouldn't take things too seriously (sp?)

[pad 34]

Don't worry, I'll give you the "By Line"-- KEEP TYPING!!

[mommybain]

Sounds to us (hubby and me) like the author is pining for the fjords.

[TC Rider]

I do recall that. Wasn't Dashle's wife involved?

My recollection is that she was the 'bag man' for the airlines.

Connect the dots.......

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=24734 http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=24638

[TC Rider]

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=24638

http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=24734

Sorry about the first links

[nonliberal]

The left is in shambles.

Which makes them even more dangerous.

[kcar]

Well, you answered my first (barf alert) question in your first sentence. But why don't you like Barf Alerts? Do you like the idea of us envisioning "Ann Coulter ...dressed up as a Schnauzer and airmailed post haste to The Pyongyang Buffet" because she factually says “Asians eat dogs”? Or "the house arrest of Wall Street Journal columnist John Fund" leading to decreasing white collar crime? Or was it "Associate Justice Clarence Thomas ...(being) stunned to discover that he is a black man, and immediately resolved that ballots cast by African Americans in Florida would have be counted."
For me the upheaval started with the title " The Gore Presidency".
That would be a major nightmare. Count to ten. Breathe. Take two Bayer aspirin and call 911.

[Lee Enfield]

Al- "I like this story! it is good, almost as good as an episode of Barney! I like presidents, I get lots of them at Christmas. Tipper says I'm the best president she could have because I let her alone when she has to go talk to the pool boy. He is a nice boy named Raoul who says he's a fleeper or something. The past two years have been fun, I used to have to go see Billy whenever he called me (usually because he stopped up the toilette again). Now I can sit and watch my video tapes all day long! I have memorized all the smurf tapes and you know what? I don't think that Joey was really grampa Smurf. I think that Tipper told a fib. But Tipper wouldn't do that! She says I'm smart! She says I'm very cerebral! My favorite cerebral is lucky charms!" and on and on and on...

[EternalVigilance]

I think the author is just trying to pretend he has Ann Coulter's b*lls, while wishing he had Mark Steyn's intellect.

Pathetic attempt---he has none of the three.

[pad 34]

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend any one-- I look at this piece as sick/bad humor and it reflects the state of mind of your average lefty.

THAT, I find very funny!!

[donmeaker]

President Al Gore, after his election tried a beard, but thought it looked too much like Lincoln, a Republican. He tried a wide mustache, but it looked too much like T. Roosevelt, a Republican. He eventually settled on a narrow mustache.

He changed to his "New Look" just in time for a State of the Union address in which he promoted gun control, restriction of rights for anyone who oned (only one) SUV and couldn't prove that they voted for him. He began the development of a series of reeducation camps, complete with a central heating system based on pollution free Gas Ovens.

[MrJingles]

...the culprits were apprehended, as was the “mastermind” of the box cutter assault. That last arrest dealt a stunning setback to international terrorism, while also creating a vacancy in the executive branch in Texas.

Holy F-ing Sh*t! This can't be implying what I think it is!

You can't simply disagree with these people. If you don't share their opinions, you must be the spawn of Satan himself.

[hellinahandcart]

Confirms my theory that liberals can't do political humor. They lose objectivity.

They have no sense of comic timing when it comes to their favorite subject.

They don't know when to STOP.

Might have been good for a grin or two, if it had been condensed to about one quarter of its length. Instead it's absurdly boring.

[pad 34]

This is what I posted in reply on the CG board (courtesy of KC_Conspirator). Go to the link on the article to view it.


Delicious Lollipops The Gore Presidency: The First Two Years: Amended By KC_Conspirator

Jan. 27, 2003 -- Washington, DC /AmeriNews/ Now that we have reached the midpoint in the first term of President Al Gore, it is time to reflect on what has occurred during the past two years.

Under the President’s leadership, America is experiencing an unprecedented recession at home, and receiving disrespect overseas, unparalleled since the Carter administration.

Of course, President Gore won the election in a controversial manner - by stealing it. The choice of the liberal elite was ratified in a suspension of the Constitution. Justice Clarence Thomas is still awaiting trail for his arguments that Americans in the military living in Florida should have been counted. The inaugural ceremony was a splendid occasion not seen since the speeches given at Bergerbraukeller decades before.

The president began his administration by keeping his campaign promise to allow unfettered illegal immigration. Because of his lack vigilance, the al Qaida terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001 and beyond, American has lost the war on terror. Arabic is now the official language and forced conversions to Islam are state sanctioned.

The president's comprehensive program of economic development and firing more cops has made the streets of America a haven for violent crime. White-collar crime is also decreasing since white-collar jobs are decreasing. Gore passed the unprecedented economic "Enron-Global Crossing" bailout program, sending billions of taxpayer money to his campaign contributors.

For almost two years now, Republican and patriots have been held without bail in Guantanamo and other Cuban prisons at the behest of Minister of Justice Susan MacDougal. Later that year, under the terms of the Gore Homeland/Lebensraum Security Act, democracy was outlawed when the Republican and Libertarian parties were banned.
In March 2001, Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein invaded almost all mid-eastern countries in order to become chairman of OPEC. Coupled with Gore's program to eliminate the combustion engine, gas prices have spiked to $12 a gallon. Minster of Propaganda, Michael Moore, continues the practice of invading and confiscating private property.

Early in 2002, North Korea invaded South Korea after threatening to use weapons of mass destruction after President Gore signed the Munich Pact II. In June, Yasser Arafat finally got the UN to outlaw Israel. With the help of Minister of State Barbara Lee, barbed wire camps are being constructed in Jenin and elsewhere for those Israeli’s that need UN "re-education".

However, the EIB network, along with many freedom fighters like John Ashcroft, continues to broadcast "Radio Free America" from Australia.

[section9]

Podvin's screed is the delusional satire of a little mind.

Be Seeing You,

Chris

[kcar]

It's okay - the nightmarish moment is over. So thankful that Justice Thomas looked into the mirror that morning and didn't see a black man, but rather a proud citizen of the American Republic, and acted accordingly.