[Dog Gone]

I wish I had saved all the letters I've received over the years which promised to help me find oil through the use of divining rods. "Underground rivers of oil", they claim.

I should have put them under glass next to all the patents I've stolen from widows. You know, the ones for the 200 mpg carburetor.

[Michael Barnes]

Sorry about the divining rod thing Dog Gone, I thought I had a winner on that one..

[SWake]

...which promised to help me find oil through the use of divining rods.

I had a water well witched on the farm a few years ago (very successfully, I might add), and as we were finishing up, he pulled out a rod with a butane lighter attached to the end. "Ya want me to see if ya got some gas under here, son?"

I said, "I didn't think there was anything around here. Didn't they try to drill a couple of gas wells over by {politically incorrect landmark} a few years ago?"

The dowser looked down at the ground for a second, then said, "Yeah. I didn't do too well on that one."