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Entire Nation of Israel Converts to Catholicism
BSNN.NET ^ | 04/23/2002 | Lazamataz

Posted on 04/23/2002 6:35:19 AM PDT by Lazamataz

As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese.  

JERUSALEM In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular. 

Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
 
The measure passed overwhelmingly. 
 
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
 
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States. 

"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
 
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
 
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.


TOPICS: Editorial; Extended News; Israel; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: catholiclist; fakeout; haahaa; heehee; hoohoo; lazhumor; nottrue; spoof
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To: Lazamataz
Just don't forget the lox & bagels, now known as donuts & fish!
21 posted on 04/23/2002 6:51:46 AM PDT by norraad
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To: Hail Caesar
"gay Jews"

A paradox if there ever was one...

22 posted on 04/23/2002 6:52:18 AM PDT by Windsong
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To: Lazamataz
So what you're saying is the Israelis will only be molesting the Palestinian teenage boys that throw rocks?
23 posted on 04/23/2002 6:52:53 AM PDT by Registered
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To: Registered
You said what I thought but didn't want to post...
24 posted on 04/23/2002 6:53:23 AM PDT by Corin Stormhands
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To: Registered
So what you're saying is the Israelis will only be molesting the Palestinian teenage boys that throw rocks?

oooo. I didn't think of the pedophilia angle.

The Jews cannot *buy* a break, huh? ;^)

25 posted on 04/23/2002 6:53:46 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
you gotta put a few more pounds on that new 'Israeli' cardinal there, though......
26 posted on 04/23/2002 6:54:38 AM PDT by AmericanInTokyo
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To: Rodney King; ironman; IronJack; IowaHawk; firehat
The only way out of this crisis is capitulation.
27 posted on 04/23/2002 6:55:13 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: AmericanInTokyo
you gotta put a few more pounds on that new 'Israeli' cardinal there, though.....

It's amazing ANYone can get fat on kosher food.

You ever try to choke down a kosher pizza?

Don't.

28 posted on 04/23/2002 6:56:35 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Archie Bunker on steroids; PatrioticAmerican; SLB; Trueblackman; STD; holdonnow; Doclim
There are solutions to every problem....
29 posted on 04/23/2002 6:58:37 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: dighton; Nick Danger; Senator Pardek; Nita Nupress; Askel5
Desperate times call for desperate measures....
30 posted on 04/23/2002 7:00:39 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Sounds like I am paying retail

Jews have a real aversion to the whole-cost.

31 posted on 04/23/2002 7:01:26 AM PDT by TheRightGuy
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To: Lazamataz
In a related story, the Basilica of St. Golda Meir reported that the Blessed Knesset Novena cards had been chosen by the Little Sisters of Hadassah in the US for a symbol of solidarity...
32 posted on 04/23/2002 7:02:25 AM PDT by Judith Anne
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To: Lazamataz
Funny you!
33 posted on 04/23/2002 7:02:29 AM PDT by technochick99
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To: TheRightGuy
Jews have a real aversion to the whole-cost.

Play on the word Holocaust? :o)

34 posted on 04/23/2002 7:02:49 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
lol... the Muslims will complain that the peal of church bells will drown out their calls to prayers. The Jewish prayer beads could easily be transformed into rosaries. And the sprinkling of 'Holy Water' would keep the dessert dust down. Now all that remains is a sighting of the Blessed Virgin in Jerusalem.

Good work Laz....lol and lol

35 posted on 04/23/2002 7:03:00 AM PDT by Stand Watch Listen
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To: Lazamataz
Reminds me of an old graffiti--"Jesus Saves--Moses Invests!"
36 posted on 04/23/2002 7:03:39 AM PDT by Judith Anne
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To: technochick99
Funny you!

Lovely you! ;^)

That's my second published article in as many weeks. :o) Maybe THIS is our third income... :o)

37 posted on 04/23/2002 7:03:45 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
It may not be necessary; maybe the Palestinians are one of those lost tribes...
38 posted on 04/23/2002 7:06:24 AM PDT by grania
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To: Lazamataz
Bust out the Christmas trees and Easter eggs.

Realistically this wouldn't matter to Muslims they don't seem to get along with Hindus in India, or Christians in the Sudan.

39 posted on 04/23/2002 7:10:28 AM PDT by NeoCaveman
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To: Lazamataz
..."there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"

Not until later in the afternoon when Yassir Arafat announced that all Palestinians were becoming Presbyterians.

40 posted on 04/23/2002 7:10:49 AM PDT by uglybiker
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