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Entire Nation of Israel Converts to Catholicism
BSNN.NET ^ | 04/23/2002 | Lazamataz

Posted on 04/23/2002 6:35:19 AM PDT by Lazamataz

As the elected leader of the newly-designated Roman Catholic State of Israel, Airel Sharon has assumed the position of Cardinal of the Israeli Diocese.  

JERUSALEM In an effort to confuse Palestinian bombers, the entire nation of Israel converted to Catholicism today. As the Knesset met yesterday, Shlomo Benizri submitted legislation that would formally change the official religion of Israel to Christianity in general and Roman Catholicism in particular. 

Speaking outside the Knesset chamber, Benizri told reporters, "If we just change religions, maybe the Palestinians won't really notice us any more."
 
The measure passed overwhelmingly. 
 
Alex Plotzker, of the news organization Ha'aretz, said in a commentary Monday night: "This brilliant move by our government will certainly lower our profile in the Islamic world. And now that we are no longer Jews, there is not so much reason to hate our freakin' guts, is this not true?"
 
As the people of Israel struggled to adapt to the change, airlifts of Crucifixes, Stations of the Cross, little Patron Saint cards and painted statues of the Virgin Mary were being planned from the United States. 

"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."
 
"Does that mean I have to change my name from Binyamin Chazan to Mark Masamacchi?" puzzled another.
 
In the Vatican, the Pope was informed of this recent development, but an ankle injury prevented him from commenting.


TOPICS: Editorial; Extended News; Israel; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: catholiclist; fakeout; haahaa; heehee; hoohoo; lazhumor; nottrue; spoof
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I'm on a roll lately.
1 posted on 04/23/2002 6:35:20 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: RaceBannon; Registered; dennisw; veronica; Sabramerican; Thinkin' Gal
Well, this is one possible solution.....
2 posted on 04/23/2002 6:36:36 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Too phunny. Even the Eurotrash will finally love Israel. This is cracking me uppp!!!
3 posted on 04/23/2002 6:36:51 AM PDT by goldstategop
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To: M. Thatcher; eddie willers; real saxophonist; dead; Sir Gawain
WHOOP dere it is... WHOOP dere it is...
4 posted on 04/23/2002 6:37:30 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Though clearly non-PC, this is truly funny. :-)
5 posted on 04/23/2002 6:38:40 AM PDT by Hail Caesar
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To: Travis McGee; Squantos; Poohbah; harpseal
Mudsucking Grunt Bump.
6 posted on 04/23/2002 6:39:31 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: CHICAGOFARMER;TheRightGuy;usconservative;GRRRRR;Redwing9;spintreebob;Chicagolady
Chicago Bump
7 posted on 04/23/2002 6:41:04 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: sistergoldenhair; facedown; cfrels; SpyderTim
Chicago Bump
8 posted on 04/23/2002 6:43:46 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Does this mean the gay Jews will have to convert, too? - oy vey, indeed... ;-)
9 posted on 04/23/2002 6:43:52 AM PDT by Hail Caesar
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To: goldstategop
Are you kidding? The Euroweenies would all convert to Judaism and start a Catholic-bashing campaign.
10 posted on 04/23/2002 6:44:13 AM PDT by mseltzer
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To: pro2A Mom; technochick99; Saundra Duffy; dbwz; basil; PistolPaknMama; Hotline
2asisters.org bump!
11 posted on 04/23/2002 6:44:37 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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Comment #12 Removed by Moderator

To: Stand Watch Listen; HAL9000; LJLucido; patton; Interesting Times; Jethro Tull
This is *one* possible solution to the Mid East crisis...
13 posted on 04/23/2002 6:46:37 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: one_particular_harbour
Damn.
14 posted on 04/23/2002 6:46:54 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
Talk about "thinking outside the box." What an idea!!

Will this mean that the inhabitants of the US no longer have to fear the terrorists?

15 posted on 04/23/2002 6:47:53 AM PDT by syriacus
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To: abundy; Lancey Howard; Lancey Howard; Standing Wolf; NotJustAnotherPrettyFace; Southack
Desperate times call for desperate measures
16 posted on 04/23/2002 6:47:57 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Cincinatus' Wife; Sarcasm; Czar Chasm; seamole; sneakypete; mercuria; annaz
Thinking-outside-the-box bump.
17 posted on 04/23/2002 6:50:27 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz
"Oy vey," lamented one unidentified man. "Now I should no longer atone for my sins once a year on Yom Kippur, but instead I should go to this 'confession' every week? Sounds like I am paying retail."

Oy vey! Now THAT is funny!!

18 posted on 04/23/2002 6:50:31 AM PDT by SuziQ
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To: Lazamataz
This is a joke, but Theodor Herzel, the father of secular Zionism, actually considered mass conversion of Jews to Christianity in order to get more widespread support for a "Jewish" homeland.

Years ago, somebody from the "Neturei Karta" (those wascally wabbis who always show up at anti-Israel demonstrations) told me this factoid. I didn't believe it, so he told me to go look it up in "any Zionist textbook."

"Founder of political Zionism. Born in Budapest, his education was German with little Jewish influence. He became a correspondent and later editor of the "Neue Freie Presse" in Vienna. For a while he toyed with the idea of converting and felt that mass conversion might solve the problem of anti-Semitism."

I'm not making this up.

19 posted on 04/23/2002 6:51:12 AM PDT by Alouette
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To: A Citizen Reporter; ABG(Anybody but Gore); b4its2late; Mozart Lover; Guenevere; Oneidam...
The only possible solution that I can see....
20 posted on 04/23/2002 6:51:15 AM PDT by Lazamataz
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