Posted on 04/09/2018 4:57:45 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks
>> The studies of grandparents ... raising children — it damages the child...
Not to dismiss your 2-Parent point, but the generality of “the studies” is BS. And you’d admire those I’m defending against “the studies.”
I could have worded that better. The general point is that mother/father homes are the place where children do best (regardless of income). Everything else produces varying degrees of lesser outcomes. I have no idea what your last sentence is saying.
Oh! So THATS how it works? Hmmm...
LOL! good one!
“some people who shouldn’t even be allowed near chldren, let alone raise them. Self-centeredness at its finest, “
If you consider not wanting children to be self-centered what about someone who wants only one-—or two?
Where does it end?
If someone doesn’t want children and doesn’t have them that is,IMHO, not a selfish decision——it is just good,common sense.
.
The hearing went as expected. The attorney for the dead beat dads parents spoke with our attorney before we were called before the judge and showed her the texts we had told our daughter to save between her and dead beat daddyDBD, showing where my daughter had offered supervised visitation at a neutral place time and again only to have the DBD say sure and then cancel out because he wanted to ride ATV’s with his friends or because and he admitted this, “it might hurt his court case”. Their attorney started backpedaling like she stumbled upon a mamma bear and her cubs and started saying this is not what I was told.
It came down to them asking for visitation instead of custody. So we are in negotiations as per the judge for that. At one point the judge asked my daughter if she was in school and working? Yes, I have all A’s and work two days a week at a local restaurant. He then asked the dead beat daddy the same question. “I’m 17, I have a 4.0, but working interferes with my sports” The judge scowled and said you have a son to support, it’s time you made a choice and support your son” Dead beat daddy admitted he draws a government check and our attorneys eyes lite up and his guardians indicated they could support the baby if given custody in their initial motion so that is on the table now, pending state law.
Long story short prayers were answered and the judge heard and saw some lies being told. Thank you all very much!!!
I’m so glad this worked out well for your family. Perhaps the DBD and his ancestors will disappear from your lives after missing some scheduled visitation appointments.
So happy for you! But it’s a long road ahead, and this was just the first skirmish, so keep praying. God bless the little boy! and committed mom and grandparents (you).
Thank goodness someone saw fit to take care of and raise the two of you. I hope you consider yourselves blessed, because you are blessed beyond compare, whether or not you realize it. You both were once children. You were infants, then toddlers, then youngsters, then tweens, and then teenagers before you ever were adults.
Someone, once upon a time ago, nursed you. Someone once spoon fed you, and changed your dirty diapers. You were screaming at the time, yet that person saw your pain, and changed that diaper, because you could not do it yourself. Someone put up with you during both your good and precious moments as a baby and child, and also loved you right through your really draining and difficult moments. Even if you were abused, someone LOVED YOU, our Maker.
You should kiss the ground they walk on to thank those who gave you life, and raised you. Don’t give me this cr@p about not being cut out to do the job.
It IS a hard job, and many, many times, thankless, but parenthood is the BEST JOB and the MOST MEANINGFUL JOB that God ever gave anyone to do.
I’m done trying to convey to you the preciousness of babies and children. There are so many AWESOME moments to go along with the difficult ones. I hope one day you truly understand that.
When people are self-centered, they lose out. In a big way. Trouble is, they usually don’t see it until it’s too late.
Yes they did...and now I, in turn, have been taking care of them. One year ago, they both had to go into a nursing home, as they both now require 24/7 skilled care. For years before that, though, I lived with them and cared for them. So don't give me any crap about not being willing to change a soiled diaper. I've done so countless time for both of my parents.
In the meantime, I'm power of attorney for both medical and financial purposes, and visit them at least three times per week, with multiple daily phone calls. So I know a thing or two about responsibility.
but parenthood is the BEST JOB and the MOST MEANINGFUL JOB that God ever gave anyone to do.
I've been single my entire life, and am almost certain to remain so. Please tell me....do you think I should have kids, given that?
I’m done trying to convey to you the preciousness of babies and children. There are so many AWESOME moments to go along with the difficult ones. I hope one day you truly understand that.
The last thing I need in my life is a child to take care for the next 20 years.
When people are self-centered, they lose out. In a big way. Trouble is, they usually don’t see it until it’s too late.
Yeah, that's me....selfish (insert graphic of rolled eyes).
“I’m done trying to convey to you the preciousness of babies and children.”
Oh for heaven’s sake,I had five children and have a bunch of grandchildren, but as far as I’m concerned someone who doesn’t want children shouldn’t have them.
Babies that are born to parents who don’t want them usually don’t end up well and anyone wise enough to make that decision does not deserve to be considered self centered.
.
Pardon me for thinking that you were self-centered based on the following, all things you posted in previous comments. Those were the comments that made me think about self-centered individuals. I am only mentioning them because it was my frame of reference on a thread about a young lady who gave up her baby for adoption.
“I don’t hate them, but I have absolutely zero desire to ever have to care for one.”
“On what basis do you conclude that I would enjoy taking care of a baby? Let me assure you, I know myself pretty well...and I haven’t the slightest yearning to be responsible for a baby for an afternoon, let alone for years.”
“Not having children lets me devote my time and money to myself...and I like it that way.”
Perhaps with your choosing those words, you might understand why I had an ill-informed view of you. I do apologize for having misunderstood you. I hope that you and I can come to understand each other better.
I applaud you for treating your parents with the compassion and dignity that they deserve. When they are older and in their demise, they do revert to childlike behaviors in many ways. I’ve been there and done that with my own two parents and father-in-law. We are currently dealing with the (physical, mental, and financial) issues of our only parent still alive, my mother-in-law. Taking care of our parents in their declining years has also been an honor and a privilege. It is not much different than caring for a child at whatever age from infancy through adulthood.
My personal experience with adults who don’t want to have children, is that they don’t have them, and instead spend all their money on themselves, their desires and wishes. They travel, have lovely (empty) homes, and have seemingly “wonderful” lives. They keep trying to remind me how terrific everything in their lives is, but somehow they seem miserable and complain quite a bit. Yet, they tell me how imperfect my children are and how I should do things differently. It’s a facade. I think they really are miserable.
So forgive me, please, for attributing these things to others who tell me that caring for children is a burden. It is only a burden if those are the glasses you’re wearing.
Fair enough, and I'll dial it back a notch.
Perhaps with your choosing those words, you might understand why I had an ill-informed view of you. I do apologize for having misunderstood you. I hope that you and I can come to understand each other better.
Bereft of full context...again, fair enough. But I do stand by my statements regarding my lack of desire for children. Even once my parents pass away (many years from now, one hopes) I will still won't want to have kids.
Ever.
Children are a joy to many, but they're not for everyone. Respectfully, the message I got from you was "You'd love having kids, if only you were wise enough to understand."
It seems a bit condescending.
Hey, I can play this game too! I could say;
My personal experience with adults who have children, is that they have miserable homes full of screaming brats, but still speak of their seemingly “wonderful” lives. They keep trying to remind me how terrific everything in their lives is, but somehow they seem miserable and complain quite a bit. Yet, they tell me how imperfect my childless life is and how I should do things differently. It’s a facade. I think they really are miserable.
I could say that, but it would be a gross over generalization, wouldn't it?
So forgive me, please, for attributing these things to others who tell me that caring for children is a burden. It is only a burden if those are the glasses you’re wearing.
It is a burden, of finances, time, and responsibility...and that's a burden that millions of people bear joyfully. But that doesn't mean every single person should have kids. BTW, I freely admit that one of the "perks" of not having kids is being able to indulge my hobby of international travel. I'm going to London next month to see some shows.
And that's a sign that I'm secretly miserable?
My mother-in-law said the same thing this was the opening skirmish in this fight be prepared for a long battle. She went through this with one of my wife’s brothers and his small child. We are prepared for the long haul.
BD only wants the child for show and tell time, otherwise he is disinterested like his father was with him, he abandoned him. What is funny is during the pregnancy he swore he was going to be a part of the babies life and not like his own father. Now its Xbox and riding atvs with his friends. I would rather he either commit or just go away. Thanks for the prayers and support!!!
We suspect that once he turns 18 he will fade away. Currently only his great grandmother really wants anything to do with the child and she doesn’t seem to do it out of love but out of spite toward my daughter to hurt her. Doesn’t make sense. We just have to document and be prepared to go back to court as needed. Once again, thanks so much for prayers and support!!!
I’m sorry that I still seemed condescending with my responses. I truly did not mean to be that way, but I see your point.
I hope that in future correspondence on FR, that we both can put aside this difficulty, and treat each other with mutual respect.
No problem——all is well as far as I’m concerned.
.
Not to worry, we're good.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.