Posted on 07/01/2015 4:46:52 PM PDT by Faith Presses On
Below are excerpts from a Salon article by Tracy Chabala, in which she expresses doubts about the "sexual revolution." She begins by talking about how a boyfriend was abusive during sexual relations, but, "For some reason, I pretended to like it."
Other excerpts:
You may wonder why I remained bewitched by him. There were the understandable reasons: He was brilliant, educated at a good college, ostensibly classy and a self-professed feminist. All of this was hugely attractive to me. And I was so used to his kind of sexuality — that rough and detached porn-style sex — I just figured there was something wrong with me if I didn’t dig it.
(snip - she writes that he wants them to go to a swinger's club)
I didn’t really consider the ramifications of the request in the moment. I told myself that he was just a free-spirited man who wasn’t shackled by societal conventions, a kind enough person who just wanted to have some casual fun.
Plus, what kind of ramifications could there be? As an empowered 21st-century woman, I should be able to screw five men at a time and a horse in between without any emotional fallout. Any emotional fallout is simply a byproduct of social conditioning, a tool to keep me sexually repressed. And the last thing I want to be is repressed.
(snip)
Eventually, I sent him an email: “I don’t want to go to a sex club, mainly because of diseases, mainly because I know it will destroy me, mainly because I’m not that kind of girl, mainly because I know I’d just be doing it to get your affection.”
(snip)
I used to party hard. I was often so wasted I could have all sorts of sexual liaisons with no emotional entanglements, like when I woke up one morning to discover I’d just had a threesome with my ex-boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend, and someone was getting strangled up in the mix. It was really easy to brush it off because I was only half-there at the time, if present at all. Plus, I could get drunk again, blurring both my memory and consciousness one more time for the next encounter. None of it hurt.
This kind of blasé sexual conduct seemed to be normal, expected even. As a fine arts student in college, everyone was having sex with everyone. These were moneyed kids at a prestigious university who prided themselves on their orgies and drugs and STDs. A friend in my photography class took portraits of all the random guys she slept with, something like 27, while another girl took a video of herself f---ing 100 guys in an hour. This was art. This was empowerment. This was feminist, or so they said. And I adopted that perspective as my own, without any serious critical inquiry.
(snip)
...Unable to work, and barely able to finish grad school, I realized I had to get sober. But it never dawned on me that when I kicked booze to the curb I’d have to rediscover what was OK for me sexually, because my entire sexual identity developed when I was wasted in my early 20s, and when I was wasted, nothing mattered...Now that I don’t drink, what I do or do not do sexually really matters...Now that I’m fully present in my mind and body, I can’t check out. It’s just not the same when I’m wasted. I don’t care. He doesn’t care. No one’s getting hurt.
(snip)
Just because I don’t want to be demeaned doesn’t mean I don’t have a sex drive or that I’m not insatiable. It also doesn’t mean I don’t like to mix things up and get kinky when I’m in a (dare I say the R word?) relationship. So when Adam asked me to go to a swinger’s club, I immediately said yes, mainly because I didn’t want to be labeled a prude.
And then it hit me: Why should I feel guilty and ashamed of not digging on orgies?
(snip)
But for now, I’m glad I could assert what was right for me. I am neither virgin nor whore, and I choose to hold that space proudly, which is not easy to do. I’ve always felt pressured to be one or the other to suit some man’s fantasy...
(snip)
And at 36 I can also admit that I can’t do casual sex. If I sleep with someone, I start feeling an emotional bond, even though some sex workers and sex writers tell me that attachment is a myth propagated by the patriarchy to keep me sexually disempowered. It doesn’t matter — I can’t do it. Maybe that makes me uncool, unhip and undesirable, but I just don’t care anymore. Do I have to be emotionally attached to sleep with someone? Hell no — if a guy’s got charm and brains and that indefinable sex appeal I’ll want to rip my clothes off. But today, I have to use discretion. Today, I have to be honest with myself, and if I think the guy’s going to bounce the second he gets in my pants, I have to turn him down.
bkmk
What a mixed-up whore. At least she’s finally making some limited progress.
That's for damn sure!
nor whore,
and that's a damn lie......unless she considers screwing everyone for free protects here from being called a whore.
AMAZING DEMONSTRATION OF THE HUMAN CAPACITY FORDENIAL
Amazing demonstration of the human capacity for denial. She’s whoring it up, gaying it up and she’s neither. Still. Wonder if the nickel will ever drop.
Used up.
They have been told that they must have sex all the time, with anyone and in any way. If they don't they are being prudes, repressed or (horrors!) yielding to the patriarchy.
The liberals have taken all the joy out of sex. It is just something to get through, usually when drunk or drugged to make the hurt a little less.
She is breaking my heart and no, that is not sarcasm.
Look, as conservatives, we need to think clearly.
Yes, this behavior is very destructive to relations.
However, if we truly honor individual liberty, we would not interfere in such things as they are the good-bad choices of the individual.
Don’t you see, just like the daffynition of marriage has evolved so has that of whore.
Nobody has proposed that, I think. We are criticizing, deploring, feeling sorry for the self-destructiveness and sorrow of it all, making an appropriate moral judgment,m helping each other think through what it means to be humanly decent, and what it means to be the opposite.
Did anybody say "lock 'em up"?
The liberals have taken all the joy out of sex.
It does not matter the issue. Liberals have to poop in the punch bowl.
Is this really what is going on out there?
No wonder people are living alternative fantasy lives on line.
I can’t feel sorry for anyone that talks Newspeak. I don’t care what tortures they suffer.
100 in an hour? I’d have to see proof of that...
This attitude has been pushed since the 60s. Women have been used to further the radical Left wing agenda. And many of the women who have followed this agenda , blindly and in the name of WOMEN, will vote for HILLARY! , no matter what she does. I am so embarrassed for the stupidity of many of my gender.
not a virgin?!!! hell no!!! sounds like she’s had more traffic than the Holland Tunnel.....but she still not a whore... you have to charge a toll for that
For us Southern girls it’s the thought of all those thank you notes which keeps us from attending such soirees.
I am so grateful I had parents who taught me differently.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.