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satire USS Gabrielle Giffords Christened As Navy’s First Gun-Free Warship
DuffelBlog ^ | 6/13/2015 | Ted Heller

Posted on 06/14/2015 1:57:54 PM PDT by RightGeek

MOBILE, Ala. — Seeking to honor a retired congresswoman and 2011 shooting victim in the most considerate and respectful way possible, the Navy today christened the future USS Gabrielle Giffords (LCS-10), a first-of-its-kind, gun-free warship.

Designed to hold a core crew of 40 sailors, the Independence-class littoral combat ship has been stripped bare of its Mk 110 57-millimeter gun, all four of its Mk2 .50-cal machine guns, its Evolved SeaRAM 11 cell missile launcher, and its entire cache of small arms, which are typically issued to boarding teams and watch standers.

“Having this mighty warship be 100% gun-free not only helps to honor its heroic namesake, Gabby Giffords, but it also helps the Navy to steer clear of promoting a culture of violence,” said Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus, who reportedly lobbied hard to get Congress and the Secretary of Defense on board with leaving the Navy’s newest addition to the fleet completely defenseless.

“Once commissioned and put into service,” Mabus continued, “this vessel will truly embody the Navy’s new motto of Semper Modestis— always considerate.”

The Navy Secretary went on to say that he hopes Giffords sets a new trend Navy-wide, and that it’s merely the first ship of many to go weapons-free.

“We have this whole new generation of millennials joining the Navy and becoming sailors on a daily basis, and most of them don’t even like guns,” he said. “So it’s important we listen to their concerns and do what we can to adapt to them.”

Mabus also said that going gun-free with the Giffords was a huge cost saver, and that much of the money saved on armament for the vessel was able to be redirected to a vegan-friendly galley, unisex uniforms for the whole crew, and [snip]

(Excerpt) Read more at duffelblog.com ...


TOPICS: Government; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: giffords; guns; hgass; satire
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It's satire, although it is hard to tell these days.
1 posted on 06/14/2015 1:57:54 PM PDT by RightGeek
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To: RightGeek

and most of the crew are from the mental asylum.


2 posted on 06/14/2015 2:00:36 PM PDT by max americana (fired liberals in our company last election, and I laughed while they cried (true story))
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To: RightGeek

Self Identifying Warship..
No one on board is normal..


3 posted on 06/14/2015 2:02:18 PM PDT by CGASMIA68
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To: RightGeek

The next ship will be the USS Warren.

It will be armed with bows and arrows and coup sticks.


4 posted on 06/14/2015 2:02:21 PM PDT by TigersEye (If You Are Ignorant, Don't Vote!)
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To: RightGeek

Couldn’t they have opened a rehab center for brain injured vets and others with her name on it, if anything?


5 posted on 06/14/2015 2:04:08 PM PDT by dp0622
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To: RightGeek
It's satire

Correct, yet you posted it in "News" without a satire tag.

Aren't things bad enough without having to make up fake-ass blog garbage?

6 posted on 06/14/2015 2:08:25 PM PDT by humblegunner (NOW with even more AWESOMENESS)
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To: RightGeek

When I didn’t see John Semmens name, I began to wonder!


7 posted on 06/14/2015 2:08:29 PM PDT by miss marmelstein (Richard the Third: "I should like to drive away not only the Turks (moslims) but all my foes.")
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To: TigersEye

now that’s funny!


8 posted on 06/14/2015 2:10:36 PM PDT by RitchieAprile (Go Blackhawks!)
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To: RightGeek

Why don’t the guns just identify as slingshots and be done with it? You know, on their journey to becoming transweapons.


9 posted on 06/14/2015 2:15:35 PM PDT by Lizavetta
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To: RightGeek
The real question is how much did all the Mil-Spec Pink paint cost?

Or did they give it the Rainbow (Rainbow Warrior? - naa, that name was already taken) color scheme?


10 posted on 06/14/2015 2:19:25 PM PDT by BwanaNdege
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To: RightGeek

Yeah, the navy is real peaceful, glad to know that there aren’t any Marines or SEALs guarding it, for anyone with an axe to grind with the navy.


11 posted on 06/14/2015 2:23:02 PM PDT by Morpheus2009
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To: RightGeek

That’s hilarious.


12 posted on 06/14/2015 2:25:40 PM PDT by moovova
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To: RightGeek

Yup, satire. go to Wikipedia and you will see that the ship is actually armed.


13 posted on 06/14/2015 2:28:10 PM PDT by Halgr (Once a Marine, always a Marine - Semper Fi)
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To: RightGeek

Twin 50 inch rubber bands with water balloons as ammo.

Or thousands of cream filled cupcakes dropped from drones..

I bet the armorymaster would still find a way to get the job done.


14 posted on 06/14/2015 2:30:39 PM PDT by NormsRevenge (SEMPER FI!! - Monthly Donors Rock!!)
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To: RightGeek

I’m glad you told me it was satire; was getting ready to email my congress critter.


15 posted on 06/14/2015 2:33:25 PM PDT by The_Media_never_lie (The media must be defeated any way it can be done.)
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To: TigersEye

Not Quite.

It will be armed with souvenirs from Wisconsin Dells.


16 posted on 06/14/2015 2:34:42 PM PDT by neocon1984
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To: RightGeek
much of the money saved on armament for the vessel was able to be redirected to a vegan-friendly galley, unisex uniforms for the whole crew, and [snip]

The latter is probably painful.

17 posted on 06/14/2015 2:46:09 PM PDT by Greysard
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To: RightGeek
Please put "satire" in the title and the post in humor.

Just speaking personally, I find these "gotcha" satires to be quite depressing, since they are believable as actual news stories and as awful as things are getting, simply serve to raise anxiety with no relieving chuckle. No laughs to be had, and no truth either.

18 posted on 06/14/2015 3:02:20 PM PDT by Mamzelle
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To: humblegunner

I agree with you except I hate the satire tag. It used to be funny to see how many people fell for it (satire) before they realized they’d been had. Who were the cry babies who came up with the sarcasm tag in the headline? John Semmens satire is not near as funny now.


19 posted on 06/14/2015 3:06:07 PM PDT by BBell (Pacifists are the parasites of Freedom)
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To: BBell

The forces of evil portrayed that stuff as
“real” FR material. Made us look bad.

Plus, bloggers who think they are hot stuff need all the spankings they can get.


20 posted on 06/14/2015 3:09:03 PM PDT by humblegunner (NOW with even more AWESOMENESS)
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