Posted on 01/05/2015 4:44:31 AM PST by Kaslin
Nearly five years ago I got rid of cable television so I could get into a regular routine of reading one book per week. Because I read so much, I occasionally get into a rut and have to ask friends if they have read anything interesting lately. Last summer, a friend who we’ll call Larissa (because that’s her real name) recommended a particularly good book by Glenn Stanton. As you might assume by the title, The Ring Makes All the Difference is an overview of the deleterious effects of cohabitation.
Much of what Stanton reports in his short yet comprehensive book makes intuitive sense. But there are a number of ill effects of cohabitation that are, if not counterintuitive, at least somewhat unexpected. For example:
- In marriages, male-female ratios of violence are roughly equal – with women and men just as likely to initiate violence against their spouses. However, in cohabiting relationships, men are far more likely to initiate violence.
- Studies in both the U.S. and Canada show that women in cohabiting relationships are about nine times more likely to be killed by their live-in partners than women who are married to their partners.
- Married people typically earn more and save more than their unmarried counterparts – whether cohabiting or single.
- The poverty rate for children living in married households is 6%. It is 31% for children living with a cohabiting father and mother.
- A married man will spend about eight more hours a week doing household chores than his shacking-up peer.
- The numbers vary from 50 to 80% but it is clear that cohabitation before marriage significantly increases the chances that the marriage will end in failure. Marriages not preceded by cohabitation have a risk of divorce well below the average, which is around 40%.
This is all very important information because much of what women learn about cohabitation and marriage is patently false. If they have undertaken any formal study of marriage versus cohabitation it has probably happened in college – in a freshman Introduction to Sociology class or a sophomore Marriage and Family class.
Because these classes are taught in a sociology department, the professors who teach them are almost always radical feminists. Their only interest in the institutions of marriage and family is that they want to destroy them. And they don’t seem to mind destroying young lives as a means of advancing their agenda.
Thankfully, one of my recent graduating seniors made it through four years of college without being brainwashed into thinking that marriage is bad for women and that cohabitation is better. So when her younger sister decided to move in with her boyfriend she tried to talk her out of it.
When my student failed to persuade her little sister not to cohabitate, she came to me for advice. I just told her to give her little sister a copy of Glenn Stanton’s book. Unlike most of my students, she took my advice and just two days later gave her sister a copy of The Ring Makes All the Difference.
I’m pleased to report that her little sister devoured the book in a couple of sittings. I’m even more pleased to report that less than a week after she finished reading it, she packed up her things and moved out of her boyfriend’s apartment.
This short column should serve as a reminder that we all need to keep up on our reading. Because the formal education establishment has become so corrupt we must constantly seek out the rest of the story that we simply don’t get from unprincipled feminists in hire education. (For my not-so-Swift readers that ms-spelling was intentional).
It should also serve as a reminder that we must be prepared to offer evidence to back up our beliefs. God is the author of the rules of the game of life. He is also the creator of science. When properly applied, His methods always reveal the truth.
Postscript: Congratulations to Larissa Hall and Eric Melling who just happen to be getting married the weekend I am penning this column. I am looking forward to Larissa’s name change. Rooster Melling has a nice ring to it. And the ring does make all the difference.
” 50 to 80% but it is clear that cohabitation before marriage significantly increases the chances that the marriage will end in failure.”
Guess I’m the exception....cohabitated for 4 yrs prior to marriage and been married over 30yrs
This article sparks an interest when I reflect back on the lives of...
family, friends who were married and raised families (and how their children fared in their lives)…
or those who were married and had no children…
or those who married and divorced with children…
or those who married and divorced with no children…
or those who married, divorced and married again or 3x (with and/or without children in each)
or those who never married.
Fascinating life/lives BUMP!
I take the book’s point but I think you have to separate people who cohabitate into two groups — one are people who do it as a test run for marriage and one are people who never plan to get married. I agree with the book’s point for the second group. I think cohabitation is good for people in the first group. I have seen way too many marriages of people who get married young and then realize they made a bad mistake because they did not live with the person first. Just going on dates or being with someone is not enough to really get to know how you will live with them.
I don’t think it is the “ring” per se, that makes the difference.
I think it is nature of a person who will commit in that fashion to his or her partner.
In the “old days” we used to say,
“You need to take the car for a test run before you buy it”,
OR, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?”
One mistake does not justify another.
You are talking about two different mistakes - cohabitation is one, getting married prematurely or for the wrong, foolish reasons is another. Both increase the chances of failure.
God didn’t decree marriage as an arbitrary burden, He decreed marriage because He knows what makes good marriages and strong families - in other words, it is a “don’t play hop-scotch on the freeway” sort of rule.
Nobody should be surprised that marriage actually works for women.
Pray America is waking
Great insight. Marriage in and of itself shows the commitment level of the participants, while cohabitation shows the lack.
- The poverty rate for children living in married households is 6%. It is 31% for children living with a cohabiting father and mother.
- A married man will spend about eight more hours a week doing household chores than his shacking-up peer.
Did the statistician account for age and home ownership? I expect being older will correlate with being married and earning a higher income. Similarly both being older and married lead to owning rather than renting a home which means more chores of the manly type.
IMHO, Cohabitation is actually about a reluctance to commit.
Marriage is about “I will commit to you unconditionally, forever.” I am here for my wife, no matter what.
And, to paraphrase another perceptive observation, God's laws, like an anvil, have worn out many hammers.
I would like to see the demographics broken down by age, race, and whether or not the person is religious.
The ring is symbolic of that commitment, commitment being the point of the column.
One data point does not make the statistical rule.
If you crash the car during that test run, you have to pay list price.
And the odds of a crash are high. And so is the list price.
Great article. We were at a wedding last weekend where the couple did not co-habitate and most likely remained chaste until they were married.
For their honeymoon, they are going on a mission trip. In actuality, the mission trip was planned before the wedding so they took advantage of the timing.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.