Skip to comments.Chirlane McCray Speaks About Falling In Love With A Man After Being A Lesbian
Posted on 05/10/2013 8:45:32 PM PDT by nickcarraway
Chirlane McCrays 1979 Essence essay I Am a Lesbian, broke boundaries, marking the first time a Black gay woman shared her sexuality openly.
RELATED: Chirlane McCray Controversy Proves Its Time To Get Out Of Peoples Bedrooms
Today, McCray is married to N.Y.C. Public Advocate and Mayoral Candidate Bill de Blasio (pictured right), sharing with Essence how she transitioned into a traditional marriage. According to McCray, her shift to a heterosexual union was natural, happening by putting aside the assumptions I had about the form and package my love would come in. By letting myself be as free as I felt when I went natural.
Asked if it was strange dating a man suddenly, McCray said her relationship with de Blasio was simple attraction:
I came out at 17. I hadnt really dated any men. I thought, Whoa, what is this? But I also didnt think, Oh, now Im attracted to men. I was attracted to Bill. He felt like the perfect person for me. For two people who look so different, we have a lot in common. We are a very conventional, unconventional couple.
On the topic of if shes still attracted to women, McCray said,Im married, Im monogamous, but Im not dead. However, dont call her bisexual:
I am more than just a label. Why are people so driven to labeling where we fall on the sexual spectrum? Labels put people in boxes, and those boxes are shaped like coffins. Finding the right person can be so hard, that often, when a person finally finds someone she or he is comfortable with, she or he just makes it work. As my friend Vanessa says, Its not whom you love; its that you love.
McCray first met de Blasio in 1991 while working for the New York Commission On Human Rights. De Blasio was an aide to then-mayor David Dinkins.
I was wearing West African-inspired clothing and a nose ring, and Bill says he had the love-at-first-sight experience. I did note what a good-looking guy he was and that he was funny and smart and made other people laugh. And despite what others may say, McCray is confident in her marriage:
I know my husband loves me fiercely and passionately. I know he supports me and will always stand up for me.
MArried but still a lesbian go figure!
I wonder if women leave the homosexual lifestyle more easily than men do. I don’t know; I just wonder.
Kind of oblique, but it makes me think of scripture: “Time and chance happeneth to them all.”
But to answer your question, I think the answer is yes. Vive la differance.
That guy can’t outrun her?
(Your FR page has humor!)
I'm a lesbian. I just happen to be trapped in a man's body.
There, I did it.
I’ve had friends who were both sides of it:
Gay men are largely either victims of sexual abuse or porn. As a HS teacher, I see students that are convinced they are gay in 9th grade, then abandon it by graduation. On the other hand, I also see kids who are “recruited” by older men into homosexuality. Many gays are simply terrified of sex with women.
Lesbianism is very different. I’ve seen many women that have been married and have kids simply “give up” on men. There are also women that are just uncomfortable with men. Many of the lesbians I know still have desire for men but just have no desire to pursue it.
The problem with the gay community is the identification of sexuality as something you are BORN WITH. That is abject bulls***. Every time you get in bed with someone, you choose to do it. Saying that 1 or 2 year old children are gay is stupid. Children have no sexuality; it develops after the identity finding of puberty. I’m sick of all this “I’m born gay” bullcrap. No, you were born, you grew up, and you decided to be gay.
it depends why they are lesbian.
if they had too much male hormones in utero, to the other end of the spectrum, they are making a conscious decision to be a lesbian and reject men. it depends.
Couldn’t manage without lots of humor!
I came out of the pantry a little while ago.
These dayz we can't get enough. ;-)
I think some woman can swing both ways...the whole LUG thing...lesbian until graduation. That said I’ve seen butch woman during pride week that really seem to be born that way. 200 pounds..big shoulders ..thick backs...they look like construction workers. Nothing feminine at all...something is off. Many are Latin or Black
Even more so with men . Didn’t we all know some kid in first grade who was just ...gay...hung around with the girls..feminine mannerisms even before we knew what sex was.
One interesting statistic almost all woman hook up with another woman in prison. With men its pretty much the same as the outside.
He can mow her lzwn now.....
I’ve no personal experience, but everything I’ve heard about men in prison goes against this:
“With men its pretty much the same as the outside.”
She “came out” without ever having dated a man? Sounds to me like she was being heavily influenced by someone.
Don’t tell me these people don’t recruit. They prey on confused young people like this who lack enough experience and understanding of their own feelings to make a truly informed decision.
Pic by Ozier Muhammad/The New York Times
The hairstyle of her son---Dante de Blasio---called a "stupendous
Afro"---attracted attention when his father, Bill de Blasio announced his mayoral candidacy 1/28/13. One time lesbian,
Mrs de Blasio looks on.
Diff’rent strokes, for Diff’rent folks.
To me seeing a woman with an African nose ring ,and wearing African Clothing and touting her being a lesbian is a definite turn off, but then some people are into masochism.
Bill de Blasio better watch his back... she sounds nuts.
Insert bad joke here.
“I am more than just a label. Why are people so driven to labeling where we fall on the sexual spectrum? “
Maybe it was the “I am a lesbian” part?
“The Well Of Lonliness”, Radclyffe Hall. She called it “inversion”.
I'd like to find an older one to read it for myself, but I'm growing more convinced the earlier version was likely closer to the truth than where we are now.
To be honest, I don't know, but what I see looks more like adaptations to meeting mental/emotional/physical wants and needs where no acceptable/normal solutions exist, along with the rationalizations necessary to make the adaptations fit acceptably with the rest of one's metal emotional programming and the world.
Our current world seems to now aggressively push these adaptations to us and to children as being acceptably normal, yet "normal" is probably not accurate, as the earlier DSM editions likely described.
Where truth and agenda disagree, truth needs far better lobbyists. Agenda wins every time. "If it feels good, do it."
Now they are told that they must be attracted to the same sex. Once again they believe it.
Politics aside, this woman is doing a service to the growing number of (intentionally) sexually confused young people by speaking out. She’s a walking, talking implosion of quite a few leftist stereotypes. You know she got a lot of flak for it and continues to get a lot of flak. I’d imagine she and Camille Paglia would get on rather well. I wish her every success in her marriage. She chose the right path.
Many women, who are lesbians, were sexually abused as children. It appears that sexual abuse of children plays a large part in their future sexual identity and mental health issues if they don’t get help. And we know that many children who are abused do not tell anyone until they are much older.
You’re correct and it’s odd to see so many conservatives making fun of her because she decided to change her life for the better, no matter what her politics are. We need more testimonies like this in the mainstream so that young people know that the media message isn’t always the right message.
Agreed. We can be our own worst enemies at times.
putting aside the assumptions I had about the form and package my love would come in.>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Wel Chirlane finally figured out what a proper package was.
Its OK Chirline, it took you a while but you finally got the right peg in the hole.