Barack Obama's Statement on the Death of Margarat Thatcher (Satire)

Free Republic Original Content | April 8, 2013 | By Laz A, Mataz

[Lazamataz]

THE WHITE HOUSE

Office of the Press Secretary April 08, 2013

Statement from President Obama

Michelle and I noticed that Margaret Thatcher died this morning. While we were not terribly surprised -- she was, after all, rather old -- we were gratified to learn it was quick.

Thatcher presided over the darkest years of England, in which a white-centric ethic caused the horrible oppression of blacks and Muslims. I remember the time, I believe I was in college, and I was studying the issues of the time. My grades were pretty good, if I remember correctly, and my relatives offered me a trip to England at the time as a reward for my hard work. I declined, politely, because I could not support the Thatcher regime and her oppressive hatred of freedom and communism.

Her friendship with Ronald Reagan was strong. It is similar to the friendship Nancy Pelosi and I have. Nancy and I have been friends since 1982, when we met by happenstance in Indonesia, where she was negotiating a deal with an Indonesian arms maker to import rifles to Mexico. Nancy Pelosi is a wonderful woman, and a dear friend who has been my staunchest ally -- much as Thatcher was an ally of oppressive colonialism and capitalist excesses.

A tragic time in our worlds history has come to an end. Our world is relieved of a great leader who, with her mistakes, led by negative example.

[Little Bill]

I missed something, Laz has a peepee problem?

[Exit148]

“Noticed”? “NOTICED”?? An afterthought?

Probably more in line than the actual statement put out in his name, and which he probably had nothing to do with.

[Madame Dufarge]

Well, it is self-reported and we have no clear definition of "problem."

To further clarify, how did I WALK INTO THIS MORASS?

How 'bout them Sox, huh?

[Little Bill]

To further clarify, how did I WALK INTO THIS MORASS?

Having followed Laz's career for the last 12 or 13 years it must be a doozy.

[Lazamataz]

To further clarify, how did I WALK INTO THIS MORASS?

See, that's exactly what I want out of life.

MOR
ASS

[headsonpikes]

By some estimations, you’re half-way there!

[Lazamataz]

Yeah. But no matter how much I get, I want MORE.

[Madame Dufarge]

The LeBrea Tar Pits comes to mind.

Plus:

The pharmacy mixed up my prescription.

I fell and hit my head on a marble step.

Can you get a brain tumor on the outside, because I have this lump?....

What's that noise?

[Lazamataz]

Nice try.

You owe me a date, chicky, and it's gotta be a hot one.

;)

[Little Bill]

Laz, you might follow the weight reduction formula that I suggested last Summer I think that would improve your chances.

Remember quantity is not quality.

[Lazamataz]

Remember quantity is not quality.

"Quantity has a quality all of its own." -- Josef Stalin

[Madame Dufarge]

Well, you may have spelled "MOR" correctly but you're pretty much doomed to failure on the rest of it.

I think your model might be wrong.

Think, man, think!!

[Madame Dufarge]

You can't handle the truth.

[Lazamataz]

*sigh*

That means I ain’t gettin none, huh?

*****siiiiigggghhhhhhh*******

[Little Bill]

A quantity of Bapcis may seem great as opposed to the quality of a few 20 year old Polish girls. The getting to the end point is the same but in the morning the you don't run screaming from the room.

[Little Bill]

Three Nuns, if you remember the joke.

[Lazamataz]

Same as in town.

[luvie]

*boop*

[TheOldLady]

Thank you, darlin’! That’s a very good one.

I promise not to crop out your credit. [smiles]

[Madame Dufarge]

Of course you are.