they loved us and took care of us when we were defenseless, and as men we didn't back down when it was our turn to repay them
Posted on 11/19/2012 6:06:55 PM PST by Timber Rattler
In May 1964, Nels and Irene Highberg bought their first and only home. It was a modest, brick rancher -- no garage -- on a pleasant cul-de-sac on the edge of East Petersburg.
The Highbergs raised two sons there. They entertained neighbors there. They grew old there. After 48 years at 6312 Miriam Circle, the Highbergs -- Nels is 92, Irene is 89 -- figured they could manage a while longer. Family and friends agreed.
But the county Office of Aging stepped in last summer, saying for safety reasons the Highbergs must move to a nursing home.
"I ain't going to go," Highberg said, according to Erick Highberg, the couple's 54-year-old son.
When a van arrived Aug. 2 to take the couple to Oak Leaf Manor in Millersville, Highberg sat in a chair in the driveway for many long minutes. He got in the van only after a police officer showed up.
(snip)
Now that the Highbergs are at Oak Leaf Manor, a new worry for the Highberg family is the possibility of another move to a less expensive, state-subsidized facility because their money is running out.
Several years ago my wife’s grandfather tripped, hit his head on a bathroom sink, and died. He was 96 and for the most part was able to provide for himself. The family wanted to move him a nursing home/retirement community. He wanted no part of if. My mother-in-law wanted to go to the Dept. of Aging to have something done. I was one of a few that took his side in this family argument. He died before anything could be done. His death could have happen the same way no matter where he lived.
For years he was a hunting and fishing buddy to me. He was conservative to the core and fiercely independent. I had a frank talk with him one time in which he made it clear that he would rather die than, “be put out to pasture”.
I briefly mourned his death until I woke up and recognized my selfishness in focusing on my loss instead of celebrating his great life. He lived his life on his on terms, and that was what was most important to him. He was at ease with death.
There should be no Dept. of Aging. Agencies like these are formed out of fears and laziness. Families, churches, and communities need to take care of their own, not a government bureaucrat. There are many lessons to be learned by caring for our elders. Passing that responsibility onto the government forgoes those lessons, often times out of our own fears, e.g., death.
My wife’s grandfather taught me about life and the importance to live it on my own terms. He also taught me not to fear death, especially if I live my life on my own terms.
1. Never let anyone from the government into your home without a search warrant or a court order. These days you should also deny entry to "off-duty" government workers. Be careful who you associate with. Private helpers may also pry and denounce.
2. If possible, have a Durable Power of Attorney in a trusted associate or family member. Once again, choose very carefully-a hostile party with a DPA can literally destroy you. But if a DPA exists it is much more difficult for third parties (like the government) to assert guardianship over you.
3. Don't ignore anything, especially not court proceedings. If you are unlucky enough to be targeted, get your own lawyer pronto. The court appointee will NOT be on your side.
4. You can't be paranoid enough these days. Anticipate and prepare early. If you must trust, be doubly sure to verify-even if it is a family member. There are going to be a lot of desperate young people soon.
they loved us and took care of us when we were defenseless, and as men we didn't back down when it was our turn to repay them
Most likely the son just can’t wait for his parents to die so he can do whatever he wants to his parents’ house, plain and simple.
But Uncle Sugar knows best.
Considering what home care costs, it's probably a good deal.
My proposal for older people on fixed income who can not afford to pay their property taxes is just to leave them alone and place a lien on the property. It will eventually be sold and the government can collect their money then. But there is no reason to throw those older people who have paid their taxes for generation out at this point.
Leave them alone to live out their days.
Bless you.
I hope people understand that knowing your way around your own place and things has inherent value. People live longer because of just that. Uproot them and they are immediately without their bearings.
We moved in with my mom when it was clear she could not live alone. She almost fell down the stairs trying to get upstairs to the bathroom and her bedroom. She signed the house over to us and we were able to build on an addition with a bedroom and bathroom so she would not have to climb the old farmhouse stairs. There was no way we would put her in a nursing home. She died 9 years later, after enjoying a good meal and strawberry shortcake for desert. She died, peacefully, in her own bed in the middle of the night. Our parish priest had been in a few days before to visit and bring communion. What a great way to go!
This is exactly why I thank the good Lord above for giving me the strength to take care of my mom who will be 86 Wednesday and has dementia. She lives across the driveway on our property. Her and my daddy moved up here 30 years ago (he passed 20 years ago). I will fight tooth and nail to be sure my mom passes away in her own home. It’s hard sometime but I’ll stand over her grave with no regrets. I’m truly blessed that I can do this for her.
<Hospitals are a big part of this. As part of admissions now, there is a standard question: “Do you feel safe where you live?” If they answer “No”, then the government owns them.
We have a wellness program at work and it has questions like the above, as well as ‘what can you do’ kinds of things - like moving furniture, dressing, bathing, cooking, etc. At first glance, you think they are trying to determine your general health (a lot of people will say they are ‘fine,’ when they have to crawl to the bathroom each morning, for example), but when you think again, who knows what your answers will get you? Maybe older workers should think twice about answering questions like this.
Jeez. You can’t even be sick anymore without some government agency trying to mess with you.
My parents are liberal to the core. If the office of aging shows up at their door...
They will have to go through me to carry um away. I might go down, but it’ll take an army.
It’s what kids are suppose to do. If they can’t stay in the house alone, I’ll move in.
However, I suspect that office will try to show up for my disabled wife first. Lord let the kids be at school when that happens.
All those surveys you might take.......
I asked my doc once whether any diagnosis goes into ‘the data.’
Short answer. It does.
I just read the whole article and it really makes me mad. The Office of Aging people obviously lied to the judge and are lying to the press. They didn’t try to find any other solution and didn’t ask the family what they could do to keep them in their home. They bulldozed this couple out of their house and put them in the most expensive nursing home around which they will be kicked out of for a state run home as soon as their estate is used up. The whole thing is a scam.
I believe what you say but it hasn’t happened to my 96 yo still-driving mother yet (Praise the Lord and knock on wood). In fact, she is generally healthier and has a better sense of well being than many of us juniors. But, I know, one day things will suddenly change...
God loves our mama. He sure looked after her in her later years.
I think things will not go so well for me. This much villainy and the callousness of people will simply end up dumping people for any reason into some gulag somewhere.
There will be a lot of mysterious house fires if that ever comes to pass.
Thanks for sharing your touching story. I have a similiar one. It is almost 16 years and I still miss her so much.
Even though we quarrel all the time (my nature), I would also fight "the last fight" to stop them from taking my wife, disabled or not (she isn't).
Social workers would rather check on elderly people who rarely fight back over inner city single parent families in the ghetto. I’ve seen social workers assigned to wander the nursing home. In some cases, like having to be there to witness someone signing a power of attorney while in a nursing home, is reasonable. In most cases, like the one in this article, it is not.
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