Okay, since yon reader has endured my story, let me throw in a bit of Women’s Lib just to add some balance.
This is the last entry on this matter, thank you for indulging me.
So I give my daughter $150 out of my windfall. Lookit, I gave it to her, right there, outta my hand, just gave it to her, yes I did. Well actually I transferred it into her account cause she’d just moved, she gets up at 4 am every day to take her license-less husband to work, must also take kid, works hard....and she’s my daughter.
$150 bucks folks, out of my $42K.
Well it’ll be more than that but I digress.
Husband chances to see the transfer on bank statement, asks what is, I tell truth.
Argument ensues...I shouldn’t give her money, don’t get my nephew a gift for Christmas, so Kaitlyn got straight A’s (Kaitlyn is granddaughter)...in his home getting straight A’s was the norm.
You know, it’s how arguments go, one thing to another to another. My daughter is NOT my husband’s child though he helped raise her since she was 12. They had a falling out long time ago, goodness when she was 15 she shouted to him that he was NOT her father....all of 15, imagine that...and still he holds it against her. She’s now 35.
Whatever....finally I pulled out the big gun. And women’s lib or not, go to hell....here’s the facts. I worked at ersatz ALCATEL from 1968 through 1983 or so. I married my husband in 1988.
HUSBAND WAS NOWHERE AROUND WHEN I WORKED AT WESTERN ELECTRIC!
IT’s MY money, I told husband, though I emphasoze now that I didn’t initially think of it that way, I did consider it OUR money, such as it is, the thought of his and ours didn’t, at first, enter my head.
But he’s griping about me slipping my kid $150?
Oh yes I did, I pointed out how the hell he thought he had a right to tell me what to do with MY money, and further, if I wanted to I could give the entire amount to my daughter, a court of law would take my size for funds I earned some six years before I ever met the man.
HE, of course, launched into a litany of how much money HE brought in, which he had a handsome 401K but facts are facts, his 401K came from Sears from a matching program they had. AND HE NEVER PARTICIPATED IN THAT PROGRAM UNTIL....hold your breath folks, HE MARRIED ME!
In other words I was picking up the deducts from his salary through MY salary and he earned every dime of it while married to me...which was, of course, the plan. And I made, every year I worked, DOUBLE what he made, just so’s you know I sure did do my share, bringing home the bacon and y’all know I cook it up in a pan.
Not quite the same thing and I never took any of this 401K money and gave it to my daughter or would I without telling him.
Further, I was rolling over my pension and HE would be named my beneficiary (I am beneficiary of his money and I respect our marriage). I rolled over $35,000 and I won that argument about whose money it was and the stupid arguing about a minute $150.
Which is why I managed to get $1,000 cash out of the Alcatel check which husband does not know about, which I might give a big chunk to daughter for Christmas sorry I got to be so sneaky but I just want to share with my daughter, who was THERE the whole time I worked at WE, who got taken to the babysitter every morning so I could work there, sometimes at 3am in the morn.
Anyway, that’s my story.
It’s MY money and the big lug should have kept his selfish mouth shut.
I still love him and know that I can have money any time I want but he doesn’t like to give my daughter anything.
It’s an old wound but hey, again, it’s MY money.
Your personal choices of HOW you spend your money should have no conditions on it or it is not a free choice to spend your money.
In any marriage, there should be Our money, some his money, some her money. No questions.
Good for you.