CNN Opinion: Why it's ok to flirt your way to the top

CNN Opinion ^ | 11/13/2012 | Victoria Pynchon

[SeekAndFind]

When coupled with the word "business," flirtation brings to mind mythical Hollywood "casting couches" and Film Noir femme fatales whose brazen sexuality served as camouflage for evil hearts and small-caliber pistols.

Our near universal distaste for women who use their feminine "wiles" to reach the corner office rather than the marriage bower is more a testament to the power of movies and cheap fiction than to lessons learned through our lived experience.

Because business remains stubbornly male, nearly every quality associated with femininity puts women at a disadvantage in the workplace. If we do not conform to the positive stereotypes of selflessness, tolerance, accommodation and, yes, purity, we are scorned -- and sidelined -- for being "mannish," severe, or shrill. If we conform to these stereotypes, we are deemed too weak, passive, sensitive and emotional to engage in commerce as the competitive sport to which it is so often compared.

Having entered the world of commerce as a litigator and trial attorney more than three decades ago, the futility of attempting to beat men at their own game became quickly apparent. They were combative, physically imposing, eager to intimidate and quick to anger. As long as they could save face, they backed down easily enough, returning to jocular, towel-snapping, frat house bonhomie. No one criticized them for deploying these masculine characteristics to achieve. You'd be labeled a spoilsport, unworthy of their company and barred from playing their games.

I was a slip of a girl when I first went mano-a-mano with roomfuls of crusty old defense attorneys. One of my primary tasks in those early years was to gather information from my opponents by eliciting pre-trial testimony in a process we call taking depositions.

Obstructing my attempts to unearth facts from reluctant adversaries was, of course, their job.

[SeekAndFind]

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Victoria Pynchon is the co-founder of She Negotiates Consulting and Training, a firm which aims to close the wage and leadership gap in business. After a 25-year career as a commercial litigator and trial attorney, Pynchon earned a legal masters degree in conflict resolution and has since published two books, "The Grownups' ABCs of Conflict Resolution" and "Success as a Mediator for Dummies."

[GeronL]

CNN only hates you if you EARNED your way to the top, then you are an evil 1%er

[ClearCase_guy]

It has long been the goal of feminists to turn women into outright whores. At this point in the struggle, they are “all-in” for promoting lady parts and the selling thereof.

[johniegrad]

Her last name is a treatment for premature ejaculation.

[tacticalogic]

They want to get paid for their smarts, and think with their “lady parts”. Then they get mad if you ask what’s the difference between them and a prostitute.

[Red in Blue PA]

Uh, no thanks.

[TwelveOfTwenty]

It has long been the goal of feminists to turn women into outright whores.

Wouldn't that make the men who reward this behavior with business favors "Johns"? Of course, men who do this would be stigmatized along with the women, if so many other men weren't envious of them.

[I cannot think of a name]

“Wouldn’t that make the men who reward this behavior with business favors “Johns”?”

It would be better to refer to them in proper business terminology: dumbass.

[TwelveOfTwenty]

You may not be able to think of a name for yourself, but you sure thought of a good one for them.:)

[GOP Poet]

What do you mean? Men have been charming and flirting their way to the top for centuries. Subtle flirtation and charm are often very similar.

Also men these days charm and flirt their way to the top all the time. This note is coming from a woman who one has been in very high position of power and has had the power to hire and fire anyone and has seen it all and also I have a family of highly successful men who are very charming. Charm and subtle flirtation is nothing new in the halls of business or any position of power.

[GOP Poet]

worked for Miss Kelly. lol.

[Trod Upon]

It’s ok because the girls don’t want to be bothered with earning promotions and doing all that icky, like, work. And whatever the girls want is what they must have, because we all owe it to them, somehow.