Skip to comments.Divorce still damages children: Suffering goes on into adulthood and even old age
Posted on 11/09/2012 10:52:34 PM PST by Olog-hai
Family breakdown is as devastating for todays children as it was when divorce was a source of social disgrace, a state-backed report warned yesterday. Even though divorce is no longer considered shamefulas it was until the 1970sthe children of broken families continue to suffer destructive effects throughout their lives, the report said.
The paper, produced by a team of senior academics, found that the damage caused to a child by divorce continues to blight his or her life as far as old age. It said parental separation in childhood was consistently associated with psychological distress in adulthood during peoples early 30s. The report added: This seems to be true even across different generations, which suggests that as divorce and separation have become more common, their impact on mental health has not reduced.
It comes a week after figures were published showing that almost half of all children have now seen their parents break up by the time they are 15.
(Excerpt) Read more at dailymail.co.uk ...
No longer taboo, but divorce still damages children: Suffering goes on into adulthood and even old ageThe leftists, even in spite of the obvious evidence, want to continue the long march into the dirt . . .
>> the children of broken families continue to suffer destructive effects throughout their lives, the report said.
Shouldn’t require a report to know this.
People get over war, too, But a child is dreadfully scarred by divorce, as much as by the death of a parent. The evidence shows it. Of course, a bad marriage is also wounding, but on balance, in more cases, not as much as divorce.
When my son was in middle school, some years ago, he asked me out of the blue in the car one time if I’d ever been unfaithful. Fortunately, it was easy for me to tell the truth. What was on his mind was a friend of his whose parents were splitting up because of some kind of an affair. What I remember most was that he stated to me that it was his GREATEST FEAR that his mother and I would break up. You know, in my youth, such a thing never even occurred to me.
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I’m divorced, two kids...Even though my ex-wife asked for the divorce, there is not a day that goes by that I do not feel guilt for what my kids have had to deal with...divorce is a terrible thing, it is really a death, just the death of a marriage not a person....
Divorce affects you through your entire life. As a child you love your parents yet feel you need to establish a loyalty to one or the other. The battle of the parents is to win the loyalty of the child which really screws them up. Divorce is destructive. Always has been, always will be.
watching my grown grandchildren suffer through a broken home has been one of my deepest pains.
Our hearts have bled for our beloved daughter, their mom, who was put thru a tornado and destruction of abuse and affairs.
I went to a seminar on parenting teens, and the guy had written a book on adolescence. Scientific studies, etc. He said that adolescence is the time one spends “discovering themselves”. Back in Christ’s time there was no adolescence as since childhood the stories of their tribe had been told, and the kids KNEW who they were.
Nowadays with TV, numerous cultures, no discussion of family “tribes” adolescence doesn’t end until an average of 26 years of age!! (Some researchers say early 30’s).
One comment he made was that kids in a “nuclear family” don’t even see themselves as that - they see it as a set of parents ready to divorce and the family split apart. What a fear to live with! We have also had to reassure the kids that we aren’t getting a divorce a few times (back when they were younger).
“Yes, your mom and I WERE angry at each other. But we talked about it and will work things out. No, we are not getting a divorce. Marriage is NOT easy - do you agree with YOUR friends all the time? No - but they are still your friends. Life is tough sometimes. Get over it.”
My friend volunteers in a Kindergarten class. She said you can spot the kids whose dads are not in the picture - they are untethered, off kilter. At FIVE!
I understand completely. I was the child.
All I can say is after what I saw my dad go thru, I vowed I wouldn’t ever voluntarily go thru that.
I’m 61 years old now, and I can look back and see the damage my parent’s divorce caused. By the time it was over, it damaged most of the relationships in my life.
It’s not something I dwell on. It is something I can look back on and make assessments about. And in truth, as an adult, you’re responsible for your own actions. I still see negative influences in there. They are obvious.
One thing I determined as a child, was that I would never divorce my children’s mother. And so I proceeded to fight divorce when my first wife wanted out. My determination since my damaged youth, caused me to stay in that relationship too long and damage my own children’s lives.
And then my children carried over the damage from our relationship into their adult lives.
My present wife has an ideal family setting. Her parents remained very close. When my wife went through her divorce, her psychologist she went to see to help her through, once actually told her that her parents had a dysfunctional relationship because they never argued.
I believe that for many people, life is a minefield that you do your best to get through unscathed.
I believe that God laid down the best blueprint possible. People would be a lot happier if they listened to Him more, and themselves a lot less.
And you can thanks the government for making it worse, especially dealing with getting child support pymts to the other spouse on time.
” My friend volunteers in a Kindergarten class. She said you can spot the kids whose dads are not in the picture -they are untethered, off kilter. At FIVE!”
I believe it. My parent split up permanently when I was around 5-6 years old (and were divorced not too long after). I recall being “untethered, off kilter” at that age. And the people I was acquainted with, teachers fellow classmates, friends in the neighborhood, etc. all sensed it about me.
Moms arejust not the same, not wired the same, especially with boys. No amount of chemicals can make a boy behave like a girl.
Govt screws it all up, that’s for sure. My Grandmother (maternal) taught all of us to trust no one in the school or govt. Don’t talk about what goes on in the family, it’s none of their business.
I’m there with you. Only about 15 years younger, and still (4 years post divorce) without a 2nd wife. 20 years of marriage, 4 kids, stoic and idealistic determination to keep the “marriage” alive.
Disaster. Absolute disaster.
I agree, But we need to help adolescent boys learn how to find a good wife that will not lead to divorce after children are born.
Now see, I just don't get this. I'm not judging, as I'm in no position to judge, having many faults, and more to the point I have no predisposition to judge. 'nuf said. But this language of "relationships" etc. perplexes me. It's like they're alien invaders or something. "What could I do? The relationship went haywire."
In the words of the poet, "You can't rollerskate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you've a mind to."
And oh yeah, "It's my belief, pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives." I'm not judging! Ringo Starr is judging!
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