Posted on 03/18/2011 8:09:08 AM PDT by twister881
Al Wilson
The Snake
On her way to work one morning
Down the path along side the lake
A tender hearted woman saw a poor half frozen snake
His pretty colored skin had been all frosted with the dew
“Oh well,” she cried, “I’ll take you in and I’ll take care of you”
“Take me in oh tender woman
Take me in, for heaven’s sake
Take me in oh tender woman,” HISSSSS sighed the snake
She wrapped him up all cozy in a curvature of silk
And then laid him by the fireside with some honey and some milk
Now she hurried home from work that night as soon as she arrived
She found that pretty snake she’d taking in had been revived
“Take me in, oh tender woman
Take me in, for heaven’s sake
Take me in oh tender woman,” HISSSSS sighed the snake
Now she clutched him to her bosom, “You’re so beautiful,” she cried
“But if I hadn’t brought you in by now you might have died”
Now she stroked his pretty skin and then she kissed and held him tight
But instead of saying thanks, that snake gave her a vicious bite
“Take me in, oh tender woman
Take me in, for heaven’s sake
Take me in oh tender woman,” HISSSSS sighed the snake
“I saved you,” cried that woman
“And you’ve bit me even, why?
You know your bite is poisonous and now I’m going to die”
“Oh shut up, silly woman,” said the reptile with a grin
“You knew damn well I was a snake before you took me in”
“Take me in, oh tender woman
Take me in, for heaven’s sake
Take me in oh tender woman,” HISSSSS sighed the snake
Almost happened to me once but I could not break the skin with my teeth. Whew, Glad to know the information...
Those were some of my first thoughts when I initially saw this story. Plus the fact that it was a non-venomous snake, so there wouldn’t be any venom injection nor any way for the snake to get any silicone into its mouth or system.
While the snake’s teeth may have broken the skin, there’s no way to get anything into it. Snakes jaws are hinged and they swallow prey whole, then digest it inside them. So nothing would have gotten “ingested” by the snake. The “fangs” don’t “suck” the silicone in while biting.
This whole story is a piece of krap(tm) made up by the media. And we all know just how smart, intelligent and knowledgeable the media is. Like a wise old guy once told me, “believe nothing of what you hear and only half of what you see and you’ll be OK.” I can only add to that “believe nothing of what you see OR hear reported in the media.”
I used to only watch the news for the weather reports and now I even go outside and check if they say it’s raining. What maroons!
you’re going to have to help those of us who are bench warmers.
Really?
It would have been spectacular.
Well, I suppose if you have to go....
you had the exact same take on this that I did. In addition, even if it punctured her implant, did would need a snake autopsy to prove the article correct.
We, members of the Ping List About Nothing, get style points for obscure Seinfeld quotes. For example, just the other day I was able to make a connection to culottes.
That being said, references to fake ones are very obvious. The below episode is almost 35% reference to real v. fake. The winner is in bold at the very bottom of this post.
From Episode 59 - The Implant
Season 4, episode 19
Broadcast date: February 25, 1993
Several lines are available.
First Candidate:
JERRY: Tremendous girl.
ELAINE: She's the one you went out with last night?
JERRY: Yeah. I really like her.
ELAINE: You know, uh...they're fake.
JERRY: What? Don't say that!
ELAINE: Nah! They're fake!
JERRY: How do you know?
ELAINE: I can tell. You know how you're always bragging how you can spot a lesbian?
JERRY: I'm not bragging, I happen to have a very keen lesbian eye. (A woman walks by Jerry and Elaine.) Hi, how ya doin.' (Jerry jerks a thumb at the woman to confirm his talent. Elaine is skeptical.)
ELAINE: Oh, right. C'mon, don't you think they seem a bit too perfect?
JERRY: Yes, they do!
ELAINE: I never knew you were so into breasts. I thought you were a leg man.
JERRY: A leg man? Why would I be a leg man? I don't need legs. I have legs. Have you ever seen her naked in the locker room?
ELAINE: No.
JERRY: Oh, well, then I can't accept your testimony. Maybe if you had seen her naked.
ELAINE: I don't want to see her naked.
JERRY: Well, I do.
ELAINE: Well, that's your problem.
Second Candidate:
JERRY: You're sure?
ELAINE: Positive! This chick's playin' with confederate money.
JERRY: Well then, that's it. That's the end of that.
ELAINE: What? Just 'cause of that?
JERRY: Just 'cause of that? It's like finding out Mickey Mantle corked his bat!
ELAINE: Oh, come on! You've dated women with nosejobs, what's the difference?
JERRY: You don't touch the nose! You don't aspire to reach the nose. You don't unhook anything to get to a nose, and no man has ever tried to look up a woman's nostril.
ELAINE: You've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you?
JERRY: Well, I take it very seriously.
ELAINE: You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.
(Kramer enters.)
KRAMER: Hey.
JERRY: Hey. You know, I do kinda wonder what fake breast feel like.
JERRY: Hey. You know, I do kinda wonder what fake breast feel like.
KRAMER: Well, I know what they feel like.
JERRY: You? How do you know?
KRAMER: Well, I lived in Los Angeles for three months.Third Candidate:
[New scene - Elaine in the sauna again. We hear her thoughts.]
ELAINE's brain: Boy, I'm gettin' a good sweat here. Great sweat, good beads. Nice beads.
(Sidra enters the sauna with a friend.)
ELAINE's brain: Ah, look who's here. "Silicon Valley."
SIDRA (to her friend): So anyway, we go out on one date, he asks me out for a second, then out of nowhere he cancels the date and says he doesn't want to see me again.
ELAINE: Uh...sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.
SIDRA: Oh, that's o.k.
ELAINE: Did he give you a reason?
SIDRA: Yeah. He's going back to his old girlfriend.
ELAINE: Really?
SIDRA: He said she's mentally ill. He's one of those guys who is obsessed with neatness and order? Everything has gotta be just so. He would have made a great Nazi.
ELAINE: Hey, does he ever talk about Superman?
SIDRA: Yes! How did you know?
ELAINE: Oh, I know the type.
SIDRA: So you can relate?
ELAINE: Oh, yeah.
SIDRA (sits across from Elaine and takes her towel off): You know, I've seen you around the club. My name's Sidra. This is Marcy.
ELAINE: Oh, hi. I'm Elaine. (Gets up to shake Sidra's hand, but stumbles and falls "right into them.")
ELAINE: So anyway, I stood up to shake her hand, then suddenly I lost my balance and I fell right into her.
JERRY: You fell on her?
ELAINE: I touched 'em.
JERRY: You what?
ELAINE: I...touched...'em.
JERRY: You touched 'em?!
ELAINE: I needed them to help me break my fall! If it hadn't been for them, I could have really injured myself!
JERRY: Wow.
ELAINE: Anyway...they're real.
JERRY: Excuse me?!
ELAINE: I think they might be real.
JERRY: Oh, what do you know, you have no breast touching experience.
ELAINE: I've touched mine!
JERRY: So have I.
ELAINE: Oh, right...I forgot. (smiles)
JERRY: Anyway, touching two breasts doesn't make you an expert.
ELAINE: Alright, well anyway, I think they're real. And if they are, I must say they are...spectacular.
JERRY: Aw, what are you doin' to me? (puts his head down on the counter.)
And number four:
JERRY: Good, feel good...you know that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts. Really big, huge...just coming out the top of her dress, they were like, chokin' her.
SIDRA: I hear that's how she died.
JERRY: Have you noticed that women today are, you know, they seem...bigger.
SIDRA: Well, a lot of women are having them done.
JERRY: Really?
SIDRA: Yeah.
JERRY: How do you like that.
SIDRA: A lot of people ask me if I've had mine done.
JERRY: Aw, you know people.
SIDRA: It gets a little tiring, it's really none of their business.
JERRY: Oh, the nerve. You know, some people have asked me if you've uh, done that.
SIDRA: What do you tell them?
JERRY: Whatever you want me to tell them.
SIDRA: Well, I think you'll find out soon enough. (They prepare to kiss. There's a loud bang on the door.) Aren't you going to get that?
//break// JERRY: Alright. It's in the top drawer. Hurry up. (Kramer goes to get the suit. Elaine enters.)
ELAINE: Hi, Jer.
JERRY: Oh, hi, Elaine.
ELAINE: Oh...hi, Sidra -
SIDRA: Hi...Elaine? (Kramer comes back into the living room.)
JERRY (to Elaine): What are you doing here?
ELAINE: I'm looking for Kramer.
KRAMER: Yeah, she was just showing me pictures of places I can visit when I go to Puerto Rico...you know, when you two went down there?
JERRY: Oh. yeah. Alright. (pushes Kramer and Elaine out the door, then sits next to Sidra on the couch.) So, where were we?
SIDRA: I was just leaving.
JERRY: Right, you were leaving.
SIDRA: I can't believe you sent a woman into the sauna to do that.
JERRY: That was an accident!
SIDRA: I think you're both mentally ill. (leaves, then opens the door again.) And by the way...they're real, and they're spectacular. (Sidra leaves.)
FWIW, Sidra is played by Teri Hatcher.
She was wearing a shirt?
LOLOL.
Our raison d'etre.
“They’re unreal, and they’re spectacularly toxic!”
lol Larry
Keep your damned clause off me!
I'll put you into a comma. Period.
That is entirely consonant with your previous remarks.
I take that as a complement.
Complement indeed! The complement goes here:
All I'm interested in is making the future perfect. Does this make you tense?
If you were not quite so absolutely ablative, I would be place the subject in agreement with number and gender.
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