Posted on 08/02/2010 7:04:25 AM PDT by NYer
the whole sperm donor thing is disgusting and dnagerous. You could end up married to your own sibling and not know it.
Not bitter at all; just blunt. I've neither adopted nor have been adopted. I have never contributed to the life of a child that was adopted.
But, I have watched friends with adopted children discarded and their feelings trashed while the kids quite literally told them to 'f-off' while they went searching for their parents. The adoptive parents were crushed - but they knew they could do nothing to stop - they had to deal with it; and feel feel guilty.
Now, why they felt guilty for adopting the kids, I'll never know. They had fertility problems, and they gave everything to the kids, as if they were their own. What's more, they had far more hurdles to clear than a birth parent would have (legal, counselling, check-outs, wage verification, ect).
So, why would the kids do that to the only parents they knew? And it's not just an isolated case; we see more and more of this. It's rude, it's heartless, it's purely selfish and I'm going to stand up and tell them to their face that what they are doing is being cruel and vindictive to perhaps the only people on the planet who love them. And I fail to find a non-selfish, non-selfserving and non-judgemental reason for this.
What are the motives? Do they want to confront their birth parents and unload guilt on them? Do they want to insert themselves into another family and disrupt it? Do they want the drama, where they can play the helpless victim? Do they want to make their adoptive parents feel unloved, or somehow in competition with their birth parents? Are they going to abandon their adoptive parents and share their love, the grandkids with the birth parents? How can this, in any way, be anything other than an immature plea for attention; at the expense of both sets of parents? This reeks of ingratitude and self-indulgence.
That would dry up the supply - overnight. There are more than a few college kids who use this 'service' for beer money. If you take away the anonymity; what's next? Child support?
Hodar, I see you were called bitter.
I don’t think so.
If I’d adopted a child and loved and raised him/her as my own, I’d be a little ticked if the kid spent a lot of time fantasizing about their real (perfect) parents.
It seems self-absorbed and selfish to me. Get on with your life, kid.
If they keep opening records, it’s gonna kill the adoption thing. Some people don’t want to be found.
And sperm donors really don’t want to be found in most cases. Lots of possible legal stuff involved.
Too much meddling and too much dreaming that you are the spawn of royalty.
I know several people who have been adopted. Several of them have looked for their biological parents.
AND been very happy that they looked, and found them.
These folks love their adoptive parents no less than before; and the adoptive parents love their kids enough to let them explore the obvious nagging questions.
Love is supposed to be a little bit unselfish.
My parents are adopting three little girls from foster care. Their three sets of biological parents are some of the worst people I’ve heard of (well, one of the girls has an ‘X’ for a father but apparently none of the contenders are very good). If these girls decide as teens they want to reconnect with the abusive, neglectful pieces of human debris that just happened to spawn them I would think my parents would be right to be upset.
So what? You make a baby, you should be required to answer for it, if need be.
BTW, make the price high enough and people will take their chances. Supply and demand will find its equillibrium point.
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