Posted on 06/03/2010 9:10:40 PM PDT by bkopto
Apparently, the box is locked: Al and Tipper Gore are getting a divorce.
The official word from the Gore camp is that the divorce was a mutual decision and that there was no hanky panky, no shenanigans, no side action, nothing on the schnide, no skullduggery, no nuttin’ — just a good ol’ American divorce.
While the spin doctors and nurses are acting like nothing went on, an air conditioner repairman who worked exclusively for the Gores said Mr. Global Warming has been inhaling too many carbon credits.
“First off, Gore isn’t fat — he keeps all the dough from his speaking engagements on his person,” said the air conditioner repairman who asked to be referred to as Mr. Tibbs. “Secondly, Al’s years with Bill Clinton were not wasted, as Bubba taught RoboBubba a thing or two about picking up women.”
According to Tibbs, while on a diplomatic trip to the Orient, Clinton introduced Gore to a shaman who schooled him in the ancient ways of achieving inner peace, understanding and how to pitch a woo that was slicker than boiled okra.
“When Clinton and Gore stopped at the Kinston airport in 1992, they were served barbecue from a local restaurant,” Tibbs said. “Gore took a shine to the woman who delivered the food; before the campaign stop was over, the delivery girl and Gore retired to the back of the campaign bus and they could be heard singing a filthy version of Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Don’t Stop’ until the wee hours of the morning.”
That delivery girl now works as an attrition specialist for The Free Press of Kinston. Her name is Paulette Burroughs.
“I was working as a waitress at a cocktail bar,” Burroughs said. “I was also working part time at Pete Smith’s Laundromat and BBQ, and the Clinton/Gore campaign ordered some food and I got to deliver it.”
Burroughs said her bosses — Sherry and Allison (now cable television experts) — warned her to be careful around Clinton, as it was widely known that he’d hit on more women than Rosie O’Donnell at Lilith Fair.
“I always kept a few hush puppies in my pockets for emergencies,” Burroughs said. “As I was taking the food up to their bus, some barbecue and slaw spilled out of the bag and got all over my clothes.
“As I turned to leave, I could hear Gore ask an aide to ‘Find the women in possession of that intoxicating odor.’ The aide pulled me aside and gave me a key to Gore’s room. Before I knew what was going on, Gore and I were in a deep embrace and he yelled out ‘MORE COLESLAW! COOK THE HUSHPUPPY! COOK THE HUSHPUPPY!’ ”
Tibbs said, “Tipper started getting suspicious when she kept finding empty bottles of Texas Pete under the seat of Gore’s SUV. Most of the time, Al was a normal guy, but when the lethal combination of fire-grilled pork and a sporty woman entered the mix — Katie, bar the door!”
Burroughs would not go into further detail, only to say that she and Gore did carry on a relationship for the next 15 years, and that she will reveal the full story in her new book “More Sauce Please: The Gore-y Details”
I guess the folks who used to work for the Onion are still around.
It has to be Phil Maher.
I don’t know, but does the validity increase in conjunction with the intensity I feel to toss my cookies? If so, the report must be quite accurate.
What an image, that beluga whale and any half-way decent female. Gag me with a pitchfork... or even one more line on this topic.
It can’t be if the LSM isn’t saying anything.
Then again, I don’t watch or read the LSM, so what do I know?
Aw, poor baby. Algore is the one who initiated the Florida mess.
Not only that, it COULD be true, even if it’s not. That’s what we should all take away from the story.
Fake funny and accurate as heck! Ben and Jerry’s name an ice cream for him, “Tennessee Tuxedo Fudgesicle”
Or if you’re in Atlanta.....A SlawDog and an F.O. at the Varsity.....
F.O. = Frosted Orange drink
As defenders of Dan Rather and Mary Mapes said during Memogate, the meta-analysis meshs with all the facts known from other sources. It isn't the truth or accuracy of the story that matters, it's the metatruth of the narrative. Of course it's true, mere facts notwithstanding.
“Who can resist hushpuppies and coleslaw?”
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Not me, that’s for sure!
That must have been King’s.
That was Cape Fear BBQ and Chicken in Fayetteville and the Freeper was dstarr!
She caught a lot of flak for it, but I was and am really proud of her.
What a great memory!
Wish I had been there with you. I was busy in Florida reporting the guy who was “eating” the chads that he had punched out, invalidating Bush votes by double voting.
The nights at Hillary’s House, just around the corner, were great too!
What a great memory!
Wish I had been there with you. I was busy in Florida reporting the guy who was “eating” the chads that he had punched out, invalidating Bush votes by double voting.
The nights at Hillary’s House, just around the corner, were great too!
The thought of Al Gore with any woman would gives me Climate Change sub Zero!!!!
[Mrs]T
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