"Leapin' Larry" Langford not even paying attention to his trial

TUSCALOOSA -- Larry Langford was por trayed last week as a serious clotheshorse whose love of shopping was like a heroin addiction, a man who couldn't pay his tai lors, was behind on his taxes and past due on a fat bank loan.

If that wasn't enough, federal prosecutors in Langford's cor ruption trial charged he used his power and influence as then-president of the Jefferson County Commission to trade millions of dollars in county business for cash and gifts.

Langford's own lawyers portrayed him as a victim of slick Wall Street bankers and as a man too trusting of friends who stabbed him in the back to save their own skins from longer jail terms and higher fines.

Yet none of that was what was bugging Birmingham's mayor as he stood outside the federal courthouse in Tuscaloosa, taking the last couple of drags from a ciga rette on the last day of his first week in the dock.

Oh Leapin' Larry! How I will miss you! He just wants to build us a 60,000 person dome and do all sorts of other crazy stuff, such as:

(1) Repave all the streets in Birmingham.

(2) Tear up the streets in Birmingham to show all the original cobblestone

(3) Hire a park consultant to evaluate parks and pay her $10,000 (she was 13 years old)

(4) Have a "secret" financial plan to fix Jefferson County's financial crisis (Isn't he on trial for taking bribes that led to their current sewer bond mess?)

(5) Introduce his own code of conduct for children by blasting parents for buying designer clothes and telling them that they "don't beat their kids enough" (not punish, BEAT).

(6) Tax the heck out of people, spend all of the increase in revenue, and then invent have "magic math" to create money out of thin air.

(7) Build an aquarium and bring in a Beluga Whale.

(8) Propose building huge fountains the size of Trafalgar Square and scattering them all over Birmingham

(9) Propose placing hats on the top of light poles because Birmingham is the "Magic City," and my favorite...

(10) Bring the 2020 Olympics to Birmingham!

Before there was Zero, there was Leapin' Larry. Tuscaloosa County residents like myself have been getting quality entertainment many years before Barry O even thought about running for public office.

If AL and, most importantly, Federal law would permit you to be a juror, we would be happy to have you. My guess is your ability to reason on your slowest day is probably ten times higher than any one of the fourteen in that courtroom during their best day.

The gist of the story goes like this: He was on the Jefferson County Commission before he was mayor when the sewer deal was going on. He accepted monetary bribes and gifts (including tailored suits) from businessmen (LaPierre and Blount) so said individuals could make commissions through the issuance of bonds as brokers.

Here's the kicker. Leapin' Larry asked for a change of venue so he could get a "fair trial"; I'm suspicious though because he's looking for a racial fight, and the current jury is 10 white, 4 black. Best guess if he gets convicted: appeal based on the "racial bias" of the jury and get a mistrial or even dismissal. It's a long shot still because the defense asked for the change of venue, not the prosecution.

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