Penis guy, Alfred Reed
Posted on 10/26/2009 4:29:09 PM PDT by Bubba_Leroy
Let’s get the boring stuff out of the way. Albert Freed (pictured) won a trip to Hawaii (not pictured). As part of the vacation celebration, Mrs. Freed bought her husband some new Hanes brand briefs. But Mr. Freed is a husky gentleman, and apparently the new trunks couldn’t contain all of his junk. He sued Hanes, claiming they made “defective” underwear.
(Excerpt) Read more at abovethelaw.com ...
Will...not...make...comment...
Girlene will go blind “ping”
Then do not wear them. Simple isn’t it?
If I was the Judge I would tell him to go Commando and get the hell out of my court.
Al Sharpton?
Now the whole world knows that his wife is too stupid to purchase properly sized underwear, he is stupid enough to wear them, he is also so stupid that he wears bun huggers while body surfing (he never heard of swim trunks?)
The world also knows that he is a fat slob who can’t see his own stuff.
Bwahahaha!
He should wear his wife’s underwear.
It always helps me with my “chaffing” problem...
Guy’s name is Dick Hertz no doubt...
If I were the judge, I would have awarded him the cost of changing his name to Dick Hertz.
Bathing would have eliminated the problem. Granted that beach sand gets into places you never knew you had, that’s what showers are for.
Sounds like a wacked out Brady Bunch Hawaiian vacation when they were cursed for taking part of the island. Wasn’t a Peter involved in that, too?
Why is he wearing underwear at all? He was on vacation, right?
Protruding? Was it dragging in the sand?
I’m pretty sure THAT would cause “chaffing”.
“But Mr. Freed is a husky gentleman, and apparently the new trunks couldn’t contain all of his junk.”
Translation: The guy is a fat ass and his wife bought him skivvies that were too small.
Nae sich problems wi a Kilt !
OH boy, I thought I heard them all!! ...chuckle, chuckle!
Somehow something about this story rubs me the wrong way.
Penis guy, Alfred Reed
Well, maybe not, but that was her name.
Judge Patricia Kinsey.
(I realize there may be some here that do not understand the Kinsey reference...but I won't explain.)
Any normal person would do this:
Rinse off and quit rolling around on the beach.
Get some underwear that fit or don't wear any at all for a few days.
Lastly, get a tube of A & D ointment--works great for diaper rashes and other irritations.
Scammers like him need to be tarred and feathered.
Reminds me of the skinny kid at the beach who wanted to attract women, so he asked a well endowed friend how he attracts women. He said, “I put a potato in my trunks”. So the skinny kids puts a large potato in his trunks, but later he runs into his friend and says he hasn’t had any luck. His friend looks down and says, “Try putting it in the friend”.
friend=front
The defendant wanted the guy’s videos pulled. Videos. No, I ain’t checkin’ Youtube for you guys...
Supposedly the guy couldn’t even look at his own “weebles” in a mirror or have his wife do it, but he had videos of his “weebles” because the defendant asked that all of them be removed.
Tee Hee
LOL... I was having hard time to understand this when I read your correction.
It’s seems funny that his last name is “ Reed “ ..
If the shoe fits...oh wait...it doesn’t.
I think they must be putting them on backwards ,,,,,,,, try putting the lable in the back .
Actually, I'm very sympathethic to this gentleman. I have that problem all the time, finding underwear to contain all my stuff (he says while sucking in his gut).
LOL, So this guy won’t have his wife look but he puts a video up on the internet.
I guess there was a hung jury.
parsy, who further sayeth naught
Apparently Kinsey was not a hanging judge.
What, no jokes about legal briefs?
This is so idiotic. Isn’t it obvious he needs a bigger size to keep everything in place?
Maybe his wife likes to look at form fitting undies, and didn’t realize they cause him discomfort???????
Anyway, where the heck are grounds for a lawsuit?
Poor feller - he got to walking real brisk-like, and he galded hisself.
to be a doctor (of unknown degree ... D.M.N.),
is a foster parent to at least three special needs kids,
claims that he reduced his blood sugar from 674 to 128 in three weeks with noni juice,
weighed in at 320 lbs, wants to start a church designed for the handicapped (but it is located on "Dog Track Road!),
and the title of his video was:
"Genital Infection Caused By Hanes Briefs! Three Handicapped Children Father's Dream Vacation Ruined by Hanes Briefs!"
Don't worry, the video was removed.
Genital Infection????
I, for one, would NOT advertise that little fact.
A REAL man would have rubbed more sand on it and said, “Look honey...”
Where are you from, lol? I've never heard that phrase outside of my dad's family. Wonder what the etymology is, galled, gelded, Gauled?
He took videos? He won’t look at it and he won’t ask his wife to look at it but he wants the rest of the world to see? No, thank you!
It's NOT a "doctorate!
Diploma In Microsoft Networking (DMN)
Oh, the possiblities THIS adds to the possible joke list!
Hanes makes very good socks.
You sayin’ he shoulda just put a sock on it?
It’s like suing a shoe manufacturer because you walked all day in the wrong size of shoe and got blisters.
Also, why does the defendant have videos of the plaintiff’s penis ON THE INTERNET at all??
Boxer briefs are the way to go buddy. They done hold in the junk real good.
Back in the early 1990s, before all the Clinton scandals, there was a story about a New York lawyer who suffered a bad streak of migraine headaches. He was in his mid-40's, had always been in good health, exercised regularly, and had rarely seen any doctors for anything. The fellow reported that during the onset of one of these migraines, he would literally roll on the carpet screaming, and praying for death that would not come. He feared suicide might be the only escape.
The young lawyer visited a GP and acquainted him with the recent bout of migraines. The GP referred him to a neurologist who immediately arranged an intensive series of tests -- blood tests, fitness exams, cat scans, MRIs, etc. The lawyer assured the good doctor that money was no object, as he has settled several big cases favorably, and had invested well. The doctor got to work.
The poor man was poked and prodded, x-rayed, magnetized, sonogrammed, imaged, balanced and blueprinted, medicated, steamed, baked, soaked, dried, tenderized, over the next several months, but still the migraines continued, night after night.
Meanwhile the neurologist consulted every medical resource at his disposal, searching for a solution for his wealthy patient. He finally stumbled across a possible answer in an obscure collection of rare case studies, and called the lawyer in to discuss his findings.
The neurologist told the attorney about the similar cases he had found, how the other patients had reached middle age, and the continuing abundance of male hormones at that age, in those rare cases, had caused severe nightly migraines, just as this patient had experienced.
The lawyer felt both relieved and excited at the discovery, and was anxious for the solution.
That, the doctor informed him, is the bad news. The only relief the previous victims could find was to undergo a full testectomy.
The lawyer's excitement dissipated rather quickly, and he expressed a sincere desire to seek a second opinion.
And off he went to the second, then a third neurologist, hoping for a better solution, one that might keep his manhood intact.
As each neurologist examined the patient, the test results, repeated some of the tests, and pondered, one after another reached the same conclusion. The poor guy suffered a few more months, then decided he must bite the bullet one way or the other. So he returned to the original neurologist, and asked to schedule the surgery, that he simply could not go on with these recurring headaches.
The surgery was a success. The migraines went away. The days turned into months. Then the lawyer returned to the neurologist for his six-month follow-up.
He reported no return of the migraines, had been sleeping soundly, and had been able to return to his previous hectic schedule. The only drawback he had to report was some occasional periods of depression, especially on weekends.
The neurologist informed him that some depression was to be expected. He suggested the patient pursue additional activities during those episodes, or go shopping, something to distract his thoughts and occupy his time.
The following Saturday, the lawyer decided to go shopping, determined to make the best of his new existence. He wandered into a men's clothing store down in the garment district, and announced that he needed a new suit, no, rather a whole new outfit.
The old proprietor said, "Let's see, you'll be needing a size 46 long jacket, athletic cut; size 40 waist, 32-inch inseam; shirt 17 neck, 35" sleeve; and shoes 10 and a half "D"."
The lawyer was amazed. "That's exactly right! How did you guess all that?".
The tailor replied, "I've been doing this for 57 years. You just develop an eye for size after all this time."
As the lawyer gathered his pile of threads and headed for the dressing room, the old tailor called after him, "Will you also be needing socks and underwear?"
"Yes," the lawyer called back, "black socks, and a package of size 42 briefs."
"Here are the socks, but you'll be needing size 44 briefs, sir," said the old tailor.
"Pardon me sir, but I've always worn size 42 briefs," said the lawyer.
The tailor replied, "Son, I've been doing this for 57 years. If you go with the 42 briefs, your privates will get all jammed up, and you'll get migraine headaches."
Hmm... "Gauled" - heh, you know, you might be on to something there. I'm from south Louisiana and heard that phrase from *my* dad's family... specifically, the Cajun aunts, uncles and cousins who lived in the river Parishes. I used to think it was some odd cross-over from the Cajun French that was more commonly spoken there years ago, but I think it's just *old*.
I remember being in Gatlinburg, TN and hearing a local TV host there in Sevier County use that phrase. Appalachia and Acadiana would seem to have little in common, but change used to come very slowly to those regions.
And whatever the interesting etymology of the word might be, the solution would seem to be talcum powder. :-)
:^D
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