Bum Deal: Environmentalists Seek to Wipe Out Plush Toilet Paper

Washington Post ^ | 9/24/09 | David A. Fahrenthold

[llevrok]

ELMWOOD PARK, N.J. -- There is a battle for America's behinds.

It is a fight over toilet paper: the kind that is blanket-fluffy and getting fluffier so fast that manufacturers are running out of synonyms for "soft"

It's a menace, environmental groups say -- and a dark-comedy example of American excess.

The reason, they say, is that plush U.S. toilet paper is usually made by chopping down and grinding up trees that were decades or even a century old. They want Americans, like Europeans, to wipe with tissue made from recycled paper goods. Toilet paper is far from being the biggest threat to the world's forests: together with facial tissue, it accounts for 5 percent of the U.S. forest-products industry, according to industry figures. Paper and cardboard packaging makes up 26 percent of the industry, although more than half is made from recycled products. Newspapers account for 3 percent.

But environmentalists say 5 percent is still too much. "It's like the Hummer product for the paper industry," said Allen Hershkowitz, senior scientist with the Natural Resources Defense Council. "We don't need old-growth forests . . . to wipe our behinds."

Big tissue makers say they've tried to make their products as green as possible, including by buying more wood pulp from forest operations certified as sustainable.

But despite environmentalists' concerns, they say customers are unwavering in their desire for the softest paper possible.

"That's a segment [of consumers] that is quite demanding of products that are soft," said James Malone, a spokesman for Georgia-Pacific. Last month, Greenpeace announced an agreement that it said would change this industry from the inside. That part could be difficult, because -- in the U.S. market, at least -- soft is to toilet paper what fat is to bacon, the essence of the appeal.

[llevrok]

It's not change we can belive in. It is change WHAT we believe, commrade.

[domenad]

I wipe with the NY Times, so it’s not really an issue for me.

[Unassuaged]

Scott brand single ply all the way!

[indylindy]

Okay, its war.

[Drango]

This is war!

[ZULU]

These people really ARE a pain in the @$$!!!!

[Grumpybutt]

LET THE REVOLUTION BEGIN.

[dancusa]

They should use themselves. They are a bunch of liberal a$$wipes.

[Pox]

The “Environmentalists”, also known as Communists, Socialists, Liberals, Progressives, Marxists, etc, need to be put down like a rabid dog once and for all, IMO.

[llevrok]

Okay, its war.

I don't scrimp on my TP, Miracle Whip or gin. There are somethings sacred in the llevrok home.

[jongaltsr]

This is what happens when you have a “Butt Wipe” as President.

[Sacajaweau]

That basket of leaves in my bathroom isn’t for decoration!!

[Tublecane]

Of all the things we produce, why go after toilet paper? It’s just weird.

[indylindy]

The first time it was tea, this time it’s TP. LOL

[uncitizen]

OK, now wait just a minute here! This is going way over the line!!

[KarlInOhio]

I wipe with the NY Times, so it’s not really an issue for me.

I tried that for a while until I found out that it was putting more #$#( on me than I was on it.

[tom paine 2]

Next thing you know they’ll go after the Sears Catalogue.

[Grumpybutt]

Guess it’s time to stock up - just like with the lightbulbs.

[mirkwood]

[indylindy]

Funny, they can threaten us with all kinds of loss of liberties.

But by Gawd, do not mess with our toilet paper.

[Disambiguator]

"We are not amused."

[Bobalu]

They can have my toilet paper when they pry it from my cold dead stinky hands.. :-)

[IamConservative]

Here I sit in fetid vapors.

Some econazi outlawed my paper.

while congress debates, shall I linger?

Or just give up and use my finger.

[CodeToad]

Luddites. Liberals are Luddites. They are too stupid to keep up with innovations so they want to destroy them. Toilet paper blows their mind.

[indylindy]

Yeah, I never thought I would have a closet stuffed with boxes of incandescent bulbs and Angel Soft.

[TChris]

"We don't need old-growth forests . . . to wipe our behinds."

Sure we do!

New growth makes for healthier forests anyway.

Support logging!

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

Greenpeace announced an agreement that it said would change this industry from the inside...”

All Greenpeace and enviros should be legally required to wipe with old corncobbs dipped in turpentine.

[AU72]

The greenies can wipe their hienies with sandpaper if they like, not me!

[Jim from C-Town]

So what, nobody cares what you use on your a$% and that is the entire point. The damn statist busy bodies can't even let you have a little comfort in the toilet.

These idiots won't stop until we are all living in mud huts and wiping with pine cones.

By the way, Scott tissue is so non absorbent and poorly made that you probably use significantly more paper than if you used a better brand.

[Overtaxed Patriot]

I wipe with the NY Times, so it’s not really an issue for me.

How do you deal with the ensuing rash?

[domenad]

Touche! I love it!

[KarlInOhio]

How much wood do we use for toilet paper compared to newspapers? If you are relatively typical in your toilet paper usage, you might use a square foot or two in a day (4 inch wide by one or two yards). That's less than one page of the newspaper. Now add the dozens of other pages in the newspaper plus the ads and you see that the unfluffy newspaper might use one hundred times the number of trees you use for your newspaper.

[Grumpybutt]

Well you know they’ve been pushing the compost toilets - I guess next they’ll insist on outhouses.

If it’s toilet paper today, then it’ll be diapers and feminine products after that, then what?

These people would have us back in the 1800’s in a flash if they could.

[Ruy Dias de Bivar]

***Next thing you know they’ll go after the Sears Catalogue.***

Too slick anymore. Use old Telephone books!

Flushing them is still a problem since slick paper is clay based.

[wolf24]

I know the kind of trouble I’m in when I bring the wrong kind of TP home.....

these people have no idea the kind of fire they are playing with here.....

[KarlInOhio]

one hundred times the number of trees you use for your newspaper -> one hundred times the number of trees you use for your toilet paper.

Oops.

[fso301]

[indylindy]

I like how you worded that.

They will have US. Exactly. They keep all the good stuff for themselves, like Algore does, and mandate misery for US.

[MEGoody]

Obviously, these so called "environmentalists" don't have a clue how much energy is required to recycle paper. But oh the emotionalism they feel over an old tree.

Of course, I should expect that. Liberalism is based on emotions, not facts.

[indylindy]

Nah, they will outlaw that. The lefties need corncobs for gasoline in their SUVs.

[Unassuaged]

Apparently somebody DOES care what I use on my a$%, and we are talking about it right?

We dislike the ‘lint’ factor on the puffy paper, thanks.

[The Comedian]

Charmin Czar

[ASOC]

Look, Liberal don’t care about sex and drugs - anything goes.

But they will try to control every other aspect of your life, and they don’t care that happens - taxes, fines, jail time.

[AngelesCrestHighway]

It's a menace, environmental groups say -- and a dark-comedy example of American excess. Yeah?... the real comedy follows when these idiots replace t.p....

[jacknhoo]

Never shake the left hand on an environmentalist.

[fredhead]

I agree with you on the Scott tissue thing. I spent 20 years in the Navy, where all that was on ships was what we called “John Wayne toilet paper,” rough, tough, and don’t take s##t of nobody. You’d fill the bowl with the amount of paper needed to clean your hairy derriere.

Give me Charmin or give me.......well, something short of death, but you get the idea.

[MediaMole]

There is almost no way they use old growth forests for toilet paper. The paper industry has worked for decades to develop fast-growing pulpwood trees.

Paper comes from commercial forestry. Trees planted for the purpose, fast-growing and renewable.

[SampleMan]

Trees are as renewable as it gets. These people are tremendous idiots.

[lack-of-trust]

David A. Fahrenthold is an incompetent moron. If I were his editor he would be fired for this story.

We do not turn old growth forrests into paper of any kind.

paper is made from farmed trees and logging waste.

[BlueLancer]

Paraphrasing Charleton Heston ...

From My Cold Dead Hands --
When I'm finished with it ...