Posted on 08/25/2009 7:12:29 PM PDT by OccamsRazor
Well, folks, I wish to send a bit selfish / maudlin post out to you. I apologize in advance if I have chosen the wrong forum, or if I offend anyone. I do believe that, although I will continue "lurking", this will be my final post here, although not by choice.
I have been on FR for over a decade, and seen ups and downs. The forum truly represents one of the basic principles that I hold dear, specifically "Question Authority". I turn to FR for the news that gets submerged in the spin; the large Christian component has also been part of the attraction
In April 2009, I was diagnosed with gastric cancer. I am a 40-50 year-old general surgeon, and was completely asymptomatic with no risk factors - no tobacco, no reflux, etc. We found this by accident - just some routine bloodwork, but I was anemic. The workup proceeded quickly, and by all the initial studies, it appeared that we had caught this in an early stage. No lymph nodes or metastases were evident on any of the multiple studies.
I was not reassured. I have treated this disease in patients, and know that these signs can hide. My mentors in surgery represent a who's who in the field; as always, they gave me advice and consolation, and helped me choose a surgeon whom I trusted and respected. My other doctors were hand-picked as well, and I have no regrets. They all have been wonderful and compassionate.
After a nine-week course of chemotherapy (which kicked my butt, but thanks to my amazing wife/nurse, overall was tolerable), I walked out of the chemo fog and got prepared for surgery. FR was a daily window into the world outside.
My wife and I had prayed and talked extensively, and when the time of surgery came, we unfortunately got the news that I had been fearing all along: the cancer had already spread to my liver and inside my belly.
I never went into surgery for the money, and our bank accounts surely demonstrate this. God gave me talents and abilities, and helped me acquire the skills to use them. Surgery has been a calling for me since the first time I entered the operating room. But wearing a white coat is not an impenetrable shield against any disease.
Having this cancer diagnosed has spelled the end of my practicing surgical career, although I still try to involve myself with the education of the residents and students. Just when we think that we know our place and purpose in the world, God calls on us to face new challenges; I firmly believe that there is a reason and purpose for everything, even this. I am still trying to learn how to face this challenge, and give thanks to God for every day.
My wife and I have truly been humbled by the prayers and support of the many people in our lives - old classmates, partners, students, residents, friends, and family. We have truly been blessed to have all these people in our lives, and to have been shown how much they care.
I would like to leave you with some thoughts and a recent posting from my blog on www.caringbridge.org. Of note, I have kept all of this anonymous to FR; I don't want or need the glory of seeing my name in print.
One saying that has become abundantly clear throughout all of this:
"There is the family that one is born into, and there is the family that one discovers along the journey. It is a genetic oddity that many of the discovered family have fur and tails."
What follows is a bit long and rambling (a very familiar style to my students), but I hope that its message helps, even if just one of you:
My prayers are with you and your family.
ping
Prayers lifted for you and yours!
God Bless you my friend. You are in our prayers for healing and for the strength to travel the journey of this life.
prayers for you and your family! Hang in there!!!
You and your family have my fervent prayers my FRiend.
I truly hope this is not your last post.
With God all things are possible.
Oh my dear, love and prayers to you.
Prayers up for you and your family in this journey.
As I am sure any of you who have owned pets have also noted in your critters, my cats each have their own personalities. This includes their favorite scritch-spots and activities. My six cats are not exceptions. F_ has a love for pens, particularly ones in active use writing; he loves to have his ears rubbed, and can be counted on for an affection head-butt. S_ loves to have her neck scratched, sometimes emulating Linda Blair as she twists around to help get the exact spot underneath my fingers. T_ prefers to be cradled like a baby and have her sides rubbed, all the while commenting on life and the world while simultaneously purring; the appropriate state of relaxation is unfortunately also accompanied by drooling, a small price to pay for kitty satisfaction. M_ is a slut for being brushed, and once the right level has been reached, cannot resist closing his eyes and rolling on his side. He also at that point is unable to keep his tongue entirely in his mouth - very cute. S2_ is happiest when he can cuddle up next to my wife and bury his head underneath her hair, nuzzling her neck. T2_ enjoys “towel-time”, waiting until the shower door is opened and then jumping up to the highest towel-covered zone (hazardous when my wife has wrapped a towel in turban-fashion around her head). T2_ then requires at least five minutes of complete body massage and petting. Any of you visiting are welcome to experiment; we will apply safety principles by cat-claw trimming on a regular basis to blunt the sharp-and-pointies!
With cats, the rewards of a vigorous purring and the kneading of paws (“making biscuits”) are usually a giveaway that the right scritch-spot has been found. Dogs may not purr, but they will lean into your hand when the right behind-the-ear spot has been found, will roll on their backs to allow their chests to be rubbed, and go into the spontaneous “can’t keep the back leg still” when the premier scratching spots have been found. And the enjoyment of a good scritch is not limited to cats and dogs. TV documentaries on bears may not identify their participation in the old “bear-Pope” joke, but will often show them using trees as convenient back-scratch posts.
Now, I view my job as a surgeon in the academic world as not just to operate, but to teach, motivate, re-direct, and hopefully inspire – the residents, the medical students, the nurses, the patients, and everyone else involved. As a behavioralist, I am thankful that these are learnable behaviors, and not traits or skills that one must be born with like Athena bursting full-grown from Zeus’ head. There is hope for all of us that we can learn and acquire these skills; I have to thank CGT for opening my eyes to many of these concepts.
For far too long, especially in the world of medicine, our interactions have been governed by an outdated mode of “leave-alone or zap ‘em”. On a daily basis, if no one hits you with an electric cattle prod, you assume that you are doing okay; but this just works at best to re-direct unacceptable behavior; where’s the reward? Where’s the carrot (or chocolate, etc)? Fifteen days of not being called to the chairman’s office for a “severe chastisement” is not a reward, it just says you were successful in staying off the skyline.
I have never wanted to just “do okay”, and I don’t want the people around me to accept that “doing okay” is where the goal should be set. I want to come in every day and enjoy doing work that I am passionate about, and to share that enjoyment and passion with the people around me. I think that with passion and enjoyment, it is inevitable that people will strive to improve and excel.
So, back to “what I have learned from my cats and dogs". Enjoyment of the right scritch-spot being addressed appears common in the animal kingdom. As I have gone through life, I have realized that humans share this trait. No, we rarely see the purring, paw-kneading, or rhythmic leg-jerking in our fellow humans, and it is socially and politically incorrect to try the scritch-behind-the ear for all but the most intimate partners (and even then, approach with caution and humor!).
Rather, the human scritch-spot is more abstract. The book “The One-Minute Manager” recommends brief but meaningful praise as a part of effective criticism; but I have come to realize that one doesn’t need to and shouldn’t wait for conflict and criticism to give this sort of human verbal scratching. Thanks and expressions of respect and appreciation are how we most like to be scratched, and seem to hit the right spot most often when they are immediate, sincere, and relevant. Most humans do not spontaneously purr, but a quick smile is often confirmation that your attempt to find and address one of the “scritch-spots” has hit the mark.
The biggest requirement is an awareness of the people in the world around you. It does not take much time. It can start with one of the principles from Dale Carnegie’s old book, “How to win friends and influence people” – try to learn and use people’s names. Express your recognition of people’s efforts, and include how they affect you. For the housekeepers who have to come in and clean up the ORs and the ED trauma rooms, I try to remember to thank them for doing this dirty job, because without them we wouldn’t be ready for the next patient.
I try to identify particular points that people have done well, and remark and congratulate them on these points, the more specific, the better – “your knot-tying has really improved over the past week in the OR”, “your operative dictations are getting clearer and addressing the appropriate details”, “I could tell that that irate patient was difficult, and I admire the way you kept your responses under control while under fire”. I also find that including how I feel about these particulars increases the effectiveness of the praise or thanks that I am trying to convey. And the side-benefits of this for me are tremendous – I ENJOY the people around me more, and feel like a better and more positive person – more like someone that I would like to be around and be friends with.
So, everyday I try to look for what I can compliment in the people around me. Sometimes it’s hard; I may be having a bad day, or the person I’m addressing has truly taken a wrong path. That is when I have to concentrate and observe even more, and work at catching them doing something, sometimes ANYTHING, right, and commenting upon it.
Now, while I have mentioned cats and dogs, students, and co-workers, applying these practices should not stop there. Who are the most important people in your life? Your spouse, your family, your friends. My grandfather used to say “Don’t make excuses – your friends don’t need them, and your enemies won’t believe them”. But sincere explanations, praise, thanks, and admiration ARE necessary to build trust and respect. It is even more important to try to practice these things with my friends and family.
Another saying I recall from growing up was a famous line from “Love Story” – “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”. What a crock! Love, which is built on trust and respect, absolutely requires that you learn to say “I’m sorry”, and say it in a meaningful way. That does not mean saying “I’m sorry … but …” – that is simply a further attempt to rationalize and excuse yourself. Learning to apologize includes acknowledging your mistakes, recognizing how they affected people, and pledging to try to improve. Trying to rationalize is just one way of selfishly complimenting yourself – patting yourself on the back just builds up your own pride and ego, and distances you from the people around you. So, concentrate on finding and addressing the scritch-spots of the folks around you; stop worrying about your own scritch-spots, trust the folks you love to address them for you.
Last night, my old fraternity brothers held a wonderful get-together for me over at MS’s house. Some of us have stayed in regular contact; some of us have been away from each other for years. The bonds between us are not based upon time, but rather timeless principles of Christian trust, respect, and love. We found that 20+ years apart were just as the passing of a single day in our relationships. I am humbled that I have been blessed by having all of them in my life. As I have traveled down this road of facing my cancer, I have realized that I have been given a unique blessing and opportunity; I have been given the chance to reach out and reconnect with people, and to tell them (and especially my brothers) that having all of you in my life has helped me to become who I am, and to be a better person. And I thank you.
And finally, I try every day to let my wonderful wife know that I trust, respect, and love her. I continue to be amazed that she puts up with me and my faults and eccentricities. Every day with her is a gift from God for which I give thanks. Having her in my life is truly the best part of every day for me.
So, don’t wait for tomorrow to tell the folks around you how you feel. Love takes work, but it gets easier with practice. What I wish for you today to reach out to the ones you love, and express to them what them mean to you.
Well, that’s the mushy rambling part for today. As usual, my wife and I will find something to laugh about, and something in the world to appreciate with joy and wonder. I pray for the same for each and every one of you.
Until we meet on the other side, may God hold each and every one of you in the palms of his hands.
Hang in there, my prayers are with you and your family.
Now, I ask that the Lord recognize one of His faithful, and extend His loving hand to guide, protect, and reassure you in this time of peril. Surely you are worthy.
Thank you for your post and God Bless.
Know that I am praying for you. May the Lord have mercy and heal you. God bless you. Stay strong in the faith knowing that He is God and ultimately in control.
Prayers for you and yours!
YOu have my prayers also. And your wife. And thank you for your service to all your patients and their families....,,.your life has had great value through the gift God has given you....so now it is time for others to give to you and I hope and pray you are truly having prayer “wash over you” and God’s strong arms upholding you as you go down this journey.
Prayers for you that the Lord will never leave your side no matter what happens.
Prayers up!
You are in my prayers.
My prayers to you.
God Bless you and your family..extended .
I will pray for your ease and comfort, you have a marvelous gift in your strength.
Thank you for sharing it with us .
We never know but folks like you give us hope and dignity.
Fight on.
God bless you! We will keep you and your family in our prayers. Please, never give up the fight.
I’m so sorry to hear about this... you are in my prayers and thoughts.
Prayers up for you Sir and may God bless you and your family!
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
God bless you.
Prayers for you and for your family. But why only expect lurk when you may be the one reading articles on Freerepublic who has clearer vision, through your ongoing experience, of what is truly important?
I have had cancer. But because of our awesome health care system I am a 6 year survivor. I am 65 so under the death panel in the new Obama death bill I would have been rejected for a 20 year old even though I paid for my own Insurance.
I will tell you that faith in God is rewarding in your fight. Do not give up. Do everything you can to bolster your immune system by exercise and diet. Pray daily (or hourly) but accept God’s will. Good Luck.
Prayers needed.
I am speechless.
I am reminded of being there when my father collapsed and died. I remember trying to put it down in a post after the funeral.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1138082/posts
I’ll pray for you. I won’t be alone in that.
Our prayers are with you and your family. Thank you for applying your God-given talents for the good of so many.
My prayers are with you.
Hang in there, Doctor. Miracles do happen.
My sincerest prayers.
Calling for a prayer ping.
Fight on!
GOD Bess you my friend..Dear Jesus you can do what MAN cannot do, you can heal and make all things new..LORD Jesus in your holy name we ask for your healing for our fellow believer in his disease of Gastric Cancer..We ask you in the name of the most Holy Christ our LORD AMen...
praying for you ...
Prayer said.
My prayers and best thoughts. You serve as an inspiration.
Godspeed, FRiend.
Many prayers coming your way from me and the FReeper ether.
Very important ping.
Prayers for you.
Prayers up.
Godspeed...
Everyone above me has said it all. Prayers up for you and your family.
Good doctor, follower of Christ, thank you for posting and sharing. I am edified by your faith and wisdom as you find the “joy” in the trials. I am so sad for your diagnosis.
My prayers are with you and yours.
God bless.
Sally
Prayers for you and your family.
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