A World Without Chocolate?

ABC News ^ | February 14, 2009 | Lama Hasan

[EveningStar]

It's hard to imagine Valentine's Day without chocolate, but some scientists say that it's possible that chocolate could one day be in short supply.

[Tax-chick]

some scientists say that it's possible

Translation: This whole story is made up.

[stayathomemom]

Rahm Emanuel will somehow find a way to use this crisis to his advantage.

[FourtySeven]

Time to start issuing chocolate vouchers NOW, before the transition to the non-chocolate world becomes a problem. Have we learned NOTHING from the switch to DTV? < /sarc >

[EveningStar]

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[DannyTN]

"Translation: This whole story is made up."

True, but it's so in vogue to be forecasting doom, you have to admire this writer for pushing the logical limits. After all what could be worse than a world without chocolate.

I just hope this means they've jumped the shark.

[girlangler]

Oh PLEASE don’t tell Diana about this (LOL).

[Kieri]

Women and children hardest hit!

[9YearLurker]

Is there nothing—or no holiday—they won’t scare-monger us about?

[EveningStar]

This whole story is made up.

Why do you say that?

[Tax-chick]

Because the statement “some scientists say that it’s possible that some day ...” (fill in eventuality) has no content. It is simply blather, because they wanted to publish a story relevant to Valentine’s Day (and advertisers of chocolate).

[Tax-chick]

Great picture!

[FrankR]

Are these the same “some scientists” who started global warming?

[Larry Lucido]

Peak chocolate! No blood for chocolate!

[FourtySeven]

It’s an era of “change”, haven’t you heard? Out with the “old” in with the “new”; don’t you feel the “hope”?

[Larry Lucido]

Wasn’t there a commercial warning that global warming would melt all the chocolate?

[tet68]

Chocolate closes at US 140 a bbl, prices at pump to skyrocket!

[norraad]

Great analogy, oil & coca will always be plentiful.

Presstitutes allow themselves to be used by interest groups in all areas.

"Hangin's 2 good 4'um"

[Entrepreneur]

It’s clear. We need Obama to step in and issue grants for alternative chocolate such as solar chocolate and wind chocolate. To add incentive for the production of brave new chocolate, we must begin to curb chocolate emissions. As we all know, there’s no such thing as clean chocolate technology.

We must move beyond chocolate to a chocolate free, post-chocolate society.

[EveningStar]

That’s just the lead paragraph.

[Larry Lucido]

Oh no!

[kalee]

Bananas are also supposed to be in danger.

[Larry Lucido]

[Tax-chick]

The rest of the article contains even more hogwash.

[EveningStar]

Not all conservation claims are liberal / communist plots.

[barker]

First thing tomorrow morning I’m going out and buying all the 1/2 price valentine candy I can find. Meanwhile I have part of a bag of chocolate chips I’d better finish ;-)

[Old Professer]

And climate change.

[Earthdweller]

Business analysts point out that chocolate may have reached it's peak. Shares of WWIII have been rising steadily seen 2006 when Democrats assumed control of the US House. Other analysts state that with Democrats in control, chocolate may become a soothing measure as evidenced by the new popularity shown by conservatives such as Glenn Beck who says he regularly consumes M&M's "to keep my head from exploding after hearing the news from the Obama administration".

Speaking off the record to a small group of lobyists, Chuck Shoemer stated, "The nearly inevitable shortage of chocolate will most likely put Willy Wonka III out of business. It's a regrettable situation but irresponsible business practices have hurt the poor by giving truffles to only the richest Americans.".

Shares of companies producing duct tape have seen a steady increase in the last quarter as well.

Beck, who may be a leading contributor to the resent chocolate balloon, uses duct tape as a prop on his new show airing on Fox news at 5PM.

In the case of an actual cranial explosion , duct tape wrapped around the head will insure that the ER doctors will be able to find all the fractures parts of the skull.

Medical experts agree that finding the all the pieces in time could mean life or death but caution that a chocolate addiction could delay the healing process and recommend intravenous chocolate therapy for a speedier recovery.

[cynwoody]

Chocolate closes at US 140 a bbl, prices at pump to skyrocket!

Pumping chocolate at Whole Foods Market

[LiberConservative]

Screw guns, ammo and gold. I’m stocking up on chocolate.

[McLynnan]

I have faith that the threat of a planet full of women with PMS and no chocolate will spur man on to solve this problem.

[JimC214]

Panic article Do’jour. Next up, widgets are slowly disappearing. World in a panic. We must do something to stop this. Think of the children.

[Snickering Hound]

"Mmmmm, the land of chocolate..."

[Balata]

http://www.GoodNewsAboutChocolate.com/

This article is about the down side. Now, here’s the up side to Chocolate.

[6SJ7]

Is there nothing—or no holiday—they won’t scare-monger us about?

Bada-bing!

Valintine's - chocolate shortages
Easter - the eternal Jesus-was-not-the-saviour "scientific" special (usually on PBS)
4'th - the "this country-is-euro-centric-racist" special (PBS, natch)
Halloween - candy-is-bad-for-kids special report (not so special the 42 time)
Thanksgiving - tossup between the "poor Indians" story and the "eat tofu not turkey" stories
Christmas - the "creche menace" and "kidnapped baby Jesus" stories on local news

[stayathomemom]

Your m&ms will be safe.

[truthguy]

Sometimes I read the comments before reading the article. From the scare stories that seem to be on the news daily I knew this story was going to be stupid. But this article is stupidity squared! What's significant is that it's another terrible MSM article. Many people are still not onto the scare tactics of ABC News and the other MSM outlets. It's almost like the scientists have never heard of supply and demand or anything about economics.

[Tax-chick]

Everything has to be about “climate change.”

[Ellendra]

Better get some chocolate trees started, when the shortage hits we could corner the market!

[King Moonracer]

Better get some chocolate trees started, when the shortage hits we could corner the market!

Spike Lee said DC will be "Chocolate City", so we should be able to get chocolate there...

[yazoo]

“If nothing was done, and the temperature was to rise, and the rainfalls were to change and drought became more prevalent ... without looking into new farming practices, then there should be a problem, and there might likely be a problem,” he said.”

And IF pigs had wings they could fly.

[FrankR]

"Not all conservation claims are liberal / communist plots. "

How sweet! Give Al my regards.

[Diana in Wisconsin]

I wouldn’t want to live... *SOB*

[EveningStar]

I know only one Al.

[death2tyrants]

I must get back to Dusseldorf und vorn zem!

[knittnmom]

Is there a variety that grows this far north?
Boy, the MSM will try to scare us about anything, won’t they?

[Ellendra]

“Is there a variety that grows this far north?”

We can put it right next to the orange tree and the palm tree :p

[ApplegateRanch]

Stamp out Chocolate NOW!

If it saves just ONE dog’s life, it is worth it!

It’s for the doggies!

If you don’t wish to go that far, then just send it all to me for safe, environmentally friendly disposal.

[Tolerance Sucks Rocks]

We're gonna need a chocolate stimulus.

"A chocolate shortage? Michelle's gonna be p!ssed!"

[Gabz]

"A chocolate shortage? Michelle's gonna be p!ssed!"

I'm more worried about Diana being p!ssed..............