Politically Incorrect Domestic Violence

Townhall.com ^ | June 25, 2008 | Kathleen Parker

[Kaslin]

The words "domestic violence" typically invite images of bruised women and children -- and male perpetrators.

But the real picture of domestic violence isn't so clear-cut. And the solution to family violence is far more complex than our current criminal justice approach can handle.

For about 30 years now, we've been throwing money and punishment at domestic violence with not enough to show for it. Estimates are that more than 32 million Americans are affected by domestic violence each year, with many of those in need of help never reporting their abuse.

These are among the important findings of Linda Mills -- attorney, social worker, survivor of a violent relationship, as well as professor and senior vice provost at New York University -- whose new book, "Violent Partners," tackles the myths of domestic violence and suggests new ways of dealing with the problem.

One of the primary myths -- and the one that meets with the most resistance -- is that only men are violent. As I point out in my own book, "Save the Males," women and children indeed suffer the worst injuries and more often die as a result of those injuries. But women initiate violence as often as men.

[dangus]

The problem, of course, is that men do much more damage when they become violent... and are much less likely to seek aid when they are the victims.

[keithtoo]

If a woman beats a man and he calls the cops, the BEST thing he can expect is that they will BOTH be taken to jail. MOST of the time, HE will be taken to jail even though he was the one who was hit.

The cops and everyone else knows this is a joke, but the cops are forced to do what the politicians tell them to do.

[ClearCase_guy]

This is not really news. I pointed this out to an Anthropology professor 25 years ago. She was constantly going on and on about men beating women (apparently this is a key area of focus in Anthropology??) and it turned out that the NYT had published a story saying that women typically initiated violence and that men were victims at least 50% of the time.

I asked the professor if we could discuss the article. She sneered at me, "I think the men can take it. If they are so weak that a little woman can hurt them, then maybe they should run crying to their mommies."

An enlightening exchange.

[Kaslin]

I have no respect for men who beat women, though some might deserve it.

[henkster]

I’ve dealt with domestic violence professionally for many years. It is an exasperating problem, to say the least. Physical violence should not take place in the home. However, turning the problem over to the police and the criminal courts is a very poor manner of dealing with the problem.

Yes, men commit domestic violence, and for many reasons. Alcohol, upbringing, or maybe they are just jerks.

Women commit violence against their men and children, too. They instigate and “push buttons” just to get a reaction. Or they initiate it, usually by throwing objects (weapons are great equalizers). But, men don’t report being battered by women because it isn’t very “manly.” And in cases of mutual combat, when the police come typically the man goes to jail.

One area where we have seen improvement is in awareness of the problem. But we are still a long way from effectively dealing with it. If we really want to address the problem, we need to come up with a religious or private based solution. As with every other problem, turning it over to government will only create bureaucracies designed to perpetuate it.

[Damifino]

The problem, of course, is that men do much more damage when they become violent... and are much less likely to seek aid when they are the victims.

No, the problem is the propencity to commit violence and the violence itself. Doing damage and seeking help are effects of the problem.

[driftdiver]

looking at our culture women are getting even more violent.

[Oldexpat]

Women now routinely report domestic violence and ask for a restraining order when now violence has occured. It gives them an upper hand in the divorce and custody game and gives them free attorney’s via the VAW act.
It is all a scam which supports a lot of lawyers for the state.
If you want to know why men now avoid marriage, just ask them what has happened to friends who were.

[massgopguy]

They left out Same Sex Domestic Violence. Those Butch Dykes are vicious. I worked at the now defunct DEC back in the late 1970’s and God help the girl who got caught talking to a guy even at work by her girlfriend.

[SECURE AMERICA]

<> With few exceptions the typical images of domestic violence are correct. No amount of political correctness will change that.

[Tax-chick]

As with every other problem, turning it over to government will only create bureaucracies designed to perpetuate it.

For that incredibly perspicacious observation, you deserve a Guinness:

[SECURE AMERICA]

<> The telling line here is "about 30 years now" In the 70's the leftists began push to change the US in their own image by drowning it in tax dollars subsidized programs that covered healthcare, schooling, criminal justice, social policy etc. When I say drowning it in tax dollars I mean around 8 TRLLION dollars of National Debt tax dollars. Thats DEBT. Not any of the actual budgeted dollars spent in each of those 30 years. This should tell any intelligent person that its not money that gets the job done. As to the punishment part the author aludes to I sure have not seen that. What usually happens is the Copurts issue a restraining order against the perp who then immeditely retaliates by killing the person the piece of paper was supposed to protect What needs fixed is not the money that is spent but attitudes. We need to make punishment firm and fast and certain. Our cuurent Justice system is a broken machine with worn out parts and operators who no longer care that it is not running right. We have Justices that believ child rapers getting the death penalty would be cruel and unusual punishment and more punishment then the crime deserves. Guess none of them have ever been raped.... We have Justices that beleive enemy combatanst trying to destroy America have the right to use American Courts. Guess none of them knew anyone that died on 9/11 or in the Military over the past 6 years.... Until we the people take back our Copuntry from the Politicians, the Courst, the Schools and make then start working for us as they once did nothing will get better it is only going to get worse.

[redhead]

"The problem, of course, is that men do much more damage when they become violent... and are much less likely to seek aid when they are the victims."

Yeah, but a woman will just wait until he's asleep, sew the sheets together, then set fire to the bed, or turn to with a baseball bat...

[redhead]

oops...left of the /s tag.

[LuxMaker]

There is a very important missing detail here that seems to be always overlooked. The major cause of domestic violence.

I am not condoning domestic violence or supporting it, but I believe the major cause of domestic violence is drugs. If I had to guess which drug holds the most sway, I would guess methamphetamines. I believe meth has a violent affect on the human psyche. I believe in some cases the woman uses and the exposure the guy receives is enough to send him over the edge. Also living near a meth lab is enough to cause people to act violently towards each other as well. Of course I only have anecdotal evidence to support my viewpoints.

[RobinOfKingston]

I agree totally with you, SA. I don’t believe, however, that anything will change until the house of cards collapses. It will take something akin to the Great Depression or an existential war to get most of to stop focusing on our navels.

[AppyPappy]

I have been struck twice by girls I dated. The first I slapped into a restraining hold. The other one I did something far worse; I married her.

[MissEdie]

Not so in my cousin's case. Her husband made her angry about something and she beat him unconscious with a cast iron frying pan. He was lucky to come out of with only a concussion.

[Integrityrocks]

Ok, I read all the posts here and while some valid points are made, there are a lot of arm-chair professionals here who don’t get it.

I come from the issue from every angle. Survivor of DV, live in Alaska, which has the highest DV offense state in the Union and I’m on the court bench, so I rule on these constantly.

Reasons for DV here? Highest alcohol/drug rate in the U.S., 5 months of darkness, high poverty & unemployment rate, cycle of violence passed through family generations.

All that said, the DV assaults are 50/50 men to women visa versa. Women are equal to and more violent than men; typically using weapons. Sentencing guidelines are harsh with mandatory minimums and both men and women go to jail a lot - NOT a simple protective order. Often the kids are taken away. It is taken very seriously and yet the cycle continues. Until the underlying issues go away, which I believe they NEVER will, the problem will not be fixed and no amount of money is going to change that.

[grjr21]

or turn to with a baseball bat....oops... left of the /s tag.

It happened to me 

[redhead]

Yikes! Glad to see you survived!

[rmlew]

Such violence is mocked in the media. How many commercials are there where men are not only the "idiots" but are physically assaulted for humor by women or children.
Misandry is the rule these days.

[hinckley buzzard]

With few exceptions the typical images of domestic violence are correct. No amount of political correctness will change that.

"The typical images of domestic violence" are created by political correctness. You sound very confused.

[hinckley buzzard]

All that said, the DV assaults are 50/50 men to women visa versa

The consensus of the research evidence (as opposed to dogmatic political speculations, wild-ass guesses and outright BS) has supported this conclusion ever since the original Strauss and Gelles work in "Behind Closed Doors".

A shame the issue was hi-jacked by the feminazis decades ago with the enthusiastic collusion of the media and film industry.

[RobinOfKingston]

Ok, I read all the posts here and while some valid points are made, there are a lot of arm-chair professionals here who don’t get it.

Ok -- first of all, I'm not sure this was aimed at me or the list in general. That said ... I have known 2 judges personally for whom I have much respect at all. From your writing here, you could be the third.

I come from the issue from every angle. Survivor of DV, live in Alaska, which has the highest DV offense state in the Union and I’m on the court bench, so I rule on these constantly. Reasons for DV here? Highest alcohol/drug rate in the U.S., 5 months of darkness, high poverty & unemployment rate, cycle of violence passed through family generations. All that said, the DV assaults are 50/50 men to women visa versa. Women are equal to and more violent than men; typically using weapons. Sentencing guidelines are harsh with mandatory minimums and both men and women go to jail a lot - NOT a simple protective order. Often the kids are taken away. It is taken very seriously and yet the cycle continues.

Until the underlying issues go away, which I believe they NEVER will, the problem will not be fixed and no amount of money is going to change that.

Your last sentence there is exactly what I was talking about when I wrote that "until the house of cards collapses" there ain't much hope on the horizon. I was born in 1947, after the depression. My mom and dad had 5 kids before and during the depression, however. It left such an impact on them and on the rest of their ultimately 9 kids that, to this day, I say, and thank my lucky stars for it, that the greatest legacy left to me by my family is the legacy of the depression. I can survive. I don't need a yard full of toys. I help my neighbor the best I can. I can get by nicely for a month on $5.00 pocket money. Our prosperity (among other things) has got us so blinded that, as a society, we have trouble recognizing good from bad, right from wrong. Not to get too long winded here, I will simply repeat ... until that house of unimportant cards tumbles, and we refocus on what is really important ... family is where it all starts, government can't fix broken human beings ... we are not even putting the bandaids on in the right places.

God bless you, IR, and keep your finger in the dike. Help's coming.

[dangus]

I thought from the context it would be obvious that I meant the problem of the politically correct disparity in reporting. I believed that senseless violence, and the predisposition to commit such violence, were problemmatic enough they didn’t need further comment on.

Another particular problem with husband abuse is that, since it is unreported, it often escalates to violence with weaponry, as in the case reported by MissEdie. Also, when the husband uses defensive force, because of his often huge size advantage, it’s him who ends up causing injury and being arrested... even if most of the violence is against him.

[dangus]

>> Yeah, but a woman will just wait until he’s asleep, sew the sheets together, then set fire to the bed, or turn to with a baseball bat... <<

>> oops...left of the /s tag. <<

If you start backing out of outrageous comments like that, people are going to think the red hair is just a die job. :^D

[dangus]

>> it’s him who ends up causing injury and being arrested... even if most of the violence is against him. <<

Just so no-one thinks I’d encourage this as an excuse for those degenerates charged with violence (”She hit me first!)... If a man is being abused, he needs to get out of that situation. If a man is injured in an attack, he needs to document it, even if he doesn’t go to the police. The phenomenon of husband abuse should not be used as a defense against wife abuse, but it IS important to point out so that courts end the practice of automatically awarding custody to women. I suppose that’s the primary reason men endure abuse: to stay in contact with their kids.

[redhead]

LOL! True enough. But I’m afraid it’s more white than red these days. The late Mr. Redhead was physically abused by his first wife, who subsequently wound up shooting her new boyfriend “because she loved him.” She was arrested, got out on bail, joined an Episcopal convent, went to trial in her nun’s habit, and got acquitted. You have to be CRAZY to be that cunning.