Posted on 02/28/2008 8:28:50 AM PST by Kaslin
Politics and the street fight between Hillary and Barack Obama aren't the only games in town. A bachelor acquaintance of mine, a prosperous man in his 40s, was new in town and wanted to meet the love of his life, to marry, and become a father and citizen (and voter). So, I organized a small cocktail party and invited several attractive women in their late 30s who are still looking for Mr. Right (and might be willing to settle for Mr. Good Enough). They're women with professional careers but want marriage and family, too.
They feel a mild panic that motherhood might pass them by. The single men they meet seem determined to remain bachelors. The men are having too much fun to give up their freedom. This is the dilemma of millions of young women, an "issue" more important to them at the present moment than what to do about health care, tinpots in Tehran or Pyongyang, or the reform of NAFTA. You might hear them mumbling, "No, we can't."
As it turned out, my party was cordial, even mellow, and maybe two or three telephone numbers were exchanged, but it failed. The gentleman didn't meet anyone he wanted to call the next day. Because he had chosen badly in the past he was cautious. "Picky," my grandmother would have called him. Several of the women found him interesting enough, but were not about to make the first move. Some things haven't changed.
My party was ground zero of the phenomenon that worries the demographers (and the more astute polls). Several young women tell me they at first liked the trend toward marrying late, but they never thought it would mean never marrying at all. Now, melancholy has replaced the prospect of marriage and they're terrified they're at the point of no return. A husband and children are still possible for women, even in their 40s, but the fear of fear itself is the more likely prospect. Parents no longer tease them about waiting impatiently for grandchildren. The generations feel the other's pain with the not-so-silent lament: "We're not getting any younger."
Having put careers first while seeking the passionate Mr. Perfect, they've overlooked Mr. Good Enough. This sensibility was captured in a brief encounter on the television show "Sex and the City. " The oh-so-hip Carrie Bradshaw runs into a man she had dumped for the exciting Mr. Perfect, who had subsequently dumped her. The jilted suitor carries his infant son, and the picture is worth a thousand words about the what-ifs.
Lori Gottlieb, a real-life woman of 40, writes in Atlantic magazine about withdrawing the necessary DNA from a sperm bank to give birth without the benefit of a husband. She tells women they should learn from her experience and settle down with Mr. Good Enough instead of going at it alone in a futile search for the man of their fantasies.
This insight comes only a year after she preached in the same pages of Atlantic how it was better to have a baby without a father if a woman couldn't find a man to turn up the heat. Hindsight suggests that the steady glow of a back burner can give simmering satisfaction with a less than perfect husband: "Not only does he contribute financially, help with the dishes, and share in the child care, but as his wife, if you want some companionship or physical intimacy, you don't have to shave your legs, blow-dry your hair apply lipstick. ... "
Of course, such gritty pragmatism isn't exactly a selling point for men. It echoes the depictions of domestic life that Playboy magazine warned bachelors against in the 1950s. The Playboy of today is a beast of a different order, but a bit of a beast nevertheless. He's a young man in his 20s, refusing to grow up, with access to ATMs for instant money to spend on himself. You typically find him in the pages of Maxim magazine with movie heroes such as Ben Stiller, Jim Carey and Will Ferrell, indulging in grossed-out adolescent "Animal House" humor. He's uncultured, uncouth and unkempt, preferring beer to fine wine, skateboards to sports cars and teenage toys to higher status symbols of maturity. Kay Hymowitz calls him the "Child-Man in the Promised Land."
"In 1970, 69 percent of 25-year old and 85 percent of 30-year old white men were married," she writes in City Journal magazine. "In 2000, only 33 percent and 58 percent were [married], respectively." These statistics suggest it will become even more difficult for single young women to find suitable mates in the next decade. That's something Hillary, Barack Obama and John McCain can worry about later as the new demographics affect politics and policies. Never-Never-Land is no longer mere fiction.
The reality of the radical femnist movement.
Empty beds, empty homes, empty hearts, empty wombs.
A gnawing loneliness and despair.
Sad. Depressing.
I may be wrong but at least in my circle of friends and acquaintances it seems when career minded women hit their late 30s and begin looking to settle down, the men in their late 30s have decided they’re going to be bachelors. lol
This guy was looking for a green card and the women were too picky?.Maybe he was still moist from swimming the Rio Grande.
Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social (and sometimes nostalgic) aspects that directly effects Generation Reagan / Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1981) including all the spending previous generations are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.
Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details and previous articles.
A prosperous man in his 40’s doesn’t swim the Rio Grande....
Looks like the Goddesses may have overplayed their hands.
Women who settle for Mr. Good Enough wind up leaving him later on because he simply wasn’t the right one. Certainly the expectations come into play here but when someone decides that they are worth a certain amount they don’t like marrying below the bar.
Ping for another look
AaaaaHH! Spinster remorse.
In 40 years they’ll be chasing any man in the retirement home till he succombs.
Unintended consequences. If any group deserves it, it’s the feminists. I’m shedding tears! NOT!
As I mentioned in another post, women simply don’t want to marry down. As they have achieved more the pool of suitors has shrunken.
MBAs don’t marry blue collar dudes who carry a union card.
“men in their late 30s have decided they’re going to be bachelors”
I resemble that description unless a really, really great woman were to come along that wanted ME, not the man that she thinks that she can changed me into.
Good observation! Maybe a switch on the Russian mail-order bride scenario? Or perhaps an Asian computer engineer on an H1-B visa?
Plenty of room for a potential culture clash, like when his relatives come to visit and your not allowed to ask how long they’re staying ...
The twenty somethings are into the hookup scene and that often times will carry them into their late 20s and early 30s. They learn nothing about how to have a relationship with a man and by the time they hit their early 30’s they wind up with a smaller pool to choose from since the smart gals with something to offer grab the good men. Meanwhile what they have waiting for them are the guys who lived off of hooking up with their ilk and the bitter or damaged men who got screwed over by some broad and they won’t settle down again.
I married at age 25 in 1980 (still married to the same woman, by the way), and that was considered “old” for the time. Now, I look around at the 25 years old “men” around the city (Chicago) and I wonder at the immaturity on display. I refer to the ubiquitous baseball cap, often turned backward; the entitlement attitude; the misogynistic and often outright crude behavior toward women (thanks to Bill Clinton for that); the endless partying; the endless games and sports; and so on. I don’t know how this has come to pass, but it sure is demoralizing to me in that I fear for our future.
Oh yeah. There's a really attractive prospect. Nothing said about being a true wife, supportive of husband and family. Instead, it's all about sucking everything away from the husband.
So no thanks. With an attitude like that these women do not deserve a husband or family. All they have earned is a shriveling up like the old prunes they already are.
They have married their careers and the government. Now they can sleep with it.
You guys sound like bitter, damaged goods. Just because you got dumped when you were in high school doesn’t mean all wimmin are evil. LOL.
Cultural rot continues apace. This is a product of feminism.
‘liberated women’ means irresponsible wont-get-tied-down men.
Actually you can blame the Boomer generation for how they raised their kids. (If you raised your kid to be responsible, respectful and motivated this doesn’t apply to you)
It’s not easy for young people to find a good husband or wife these days. The culture is against it, especially in the coastal states.
The counterculture warriors and intellectual sophisticates have brought it on themselves, but a lot of good people are caught up in the mess, too.
Thx for the pingy...I think this one deserves the ‘Whiny Guy’ photo though.
;PaMom
Speaking solely for myself, I'm glad that I found Ms. Right. Mrs WBill is a wonderful woman, and I'm glad that we're together.
Most of her friends meet this article to a T. They're unmarried and still looking for Mr. Perfect. "No men are interested, what's wrong with all of them?" is a common complaint. Unfortunately, they're too narcissistic to see the irony in their comments.
There's one girl who chases skinny young rock and roll singers. Unfortunately, there aren't too many young rock stars who like women that are 150 lbs overweight and are nearly old enough to be their mothers. I'm not saying that the right man for her does not exist....they're just rare birds to find.
There's several other women that refuse to change...All of their friends are gay men. All of their social events center around gay culture. Again - I'm not saying that there are no single straight men that enjoy going to Drag Queen Bingo every Friday Night and dancing at the Gay Club on Saturdays....they're just rare birds to find.
I suppose that it's easy for me to judge their faults from afar and say "Well, just change". But it's sooooo painfully obvious that I'm not sure if anything else would work. Fortunately, I'm a "Republican" - although, I'm one of the "good ones" - so my opinon wouldn't matter a whit to any of them, anyway.
I just hope I can “BE” good enough in life. :~)
There is nothing more unattractive to me than people of either gender that sit around and bitch and moan about the opposite sex.
What the hell is wrong with this?
One point about dancing in gay clubs,
If you want to dance until you drop with friends (and yes, women like dancing with each other) it’s the way to go.
Could you please add me to your ping list?
Yep,
I’m just trying to keep up with my mortgage and keep the lights on....
You should see my almost 40 year old boss. He is married with child and is ready for his next frat party. He spends weekends at bars and strip clubs and lusts for this child’s “nanny”.
But, if you're a girl looking for male companionship, it ain't the place to find it. :-)
I guess it depends on where you look.
I see plenty of young men this age in my church that do not meet these criteria.
Love that pinger!!
Done!
You’re right—— I was getting all literal and nerdy on the topic :)
She is wicked cool, ain’t she??
Nothing spells "loser" better than your description above.
“Actually you can blame the Boomer generation for how they raised their kids. (If you raised your kid to be responsible, respectful and motivated this doesn’t apply to you)”
I agree. The Boomer generation, of which I am in the middle, has not done a good job compared to their parents. Peter-Pan narcissism is rampant, secondary to the self-esteem school of thought that arose subsequent to the 1960s and ‘70s.
We're married to our first wives. Some of our wives work, some of them don't. We're professionals and contractors with the means to live in pricey New Jersey homes.
We're coaches for our kids teams. We're volunteers for church, school and the poor.
We get together occasionally at a sports bar and pig out and drink but not in the same quantities as we did 20 years ago.
We have responsibilities and we live up to them. We don't have a lot of time for moaning.
In short, I would say we're plain ol' men.
It's not a bad life.
In my office in NYC, I know of some of these Sex and the City type women just a few years younger than me. Virtually all of them quite attractive.
They do lament about the lack of good men but then, why did their type give me the brush off 15 years ago.
Perhaps they get noticed more because they have time to write articles like this.
seems the author was dumped for being a “female dog” more than a few times.
Like a typical feminist, she blames men.
This article could have been written in any decade with only minor changes.
The author would have been a femal dog in all those decades.
Like your tag line.
Thanks for the ping and the list! LOL. Tell Darla I have dibs on Alfalfa.
Their is too much drama in dating today. I would rather to just travel and obtain an education and if I meet someone, fine, if not then that’s fine too.
He doesn’t need a woman to marry to become a citizen either.
Thanks!
Ladyjane, it’s not that you’re not bad... it just that you’re just not bad ENOUGH.
Women have forgotten the power they used to have, because the feminists convinced them that they didn't have any power, but that they every right to sleep around, 'just like the guys do'. It has made for a sorry situation, indeed.
ROTFL! Ain't that the truth!
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