'Danger: Avoid Death' is wacky warning winner

south bend tribune via AP ^ | 12/12/07 | RON VAMPLE

[hoosierboy]

A warning on a small tractor that reads "Danger: Avoid Death" has been chosen as the nation's wackiest warning label by an anti-lawsuit group.The Wacky Warning Label Contest, now in its 11th year, is conducted by Novi-based Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch as part of an effort to show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

Kevin Soave of Farmington Hills, a Detroit suburb, won the $500 grand prize for submitting the winning label.

The $250 second place was given to Carrianne, Jacob and Robby Turin of Greensburg, Pa., for a label they found on an iron-on T-shirt transfer that warns: "Do not iron while wearing shirt."

Richard Goodnow of Lancaster, Mass., earned the $100 third-place prize for a label on a baby stroller featuring a small storage pouch that warns: "Do not put child in bag."

Contest organizer Bob Dorigo Jones says the silly labels reflect how broken America's civil justice system is.

"Predatory lawyers know they can file ridiculous lawsuits against innocent product makers and blackmail them into a cash settlement — even in cases in which a user has ignored common sense," Dorigo Jones said.

Those who oppose the contest say that while some warning labels may seem silly, even dumb warnings can do good. They have a warning of their own: Don't be so quick to laugh at labels that help save lives.

Honorable mention went to Cyndi LaMonde of Traverse City for a label on a letter opener that says: "Caution: Safety goggles recommended."

Ann Marie Young of Fillmore, N.Y., took the second honorable mention for a warning she found which cautions users: "The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents."

The group selected a list of finalists and listeners of WOMC-FM's Dick Purtan show chose the winners.

[hoosierboy]

All caused by trial lawyers!!!!

[ClearCase_guy]

Because I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The tractor held but just ourselves
And Immortality.

— Dickinson

[Eric in the Ozarks]

Reminds me of that silly first paragraph writing contest that comes around every year...

[girlangler]

A wacky ping for you.

[the_devils_advocate_666]

[Pontiac]

"Predatory lawyers know they can file ridiculous lawsuits against innocent product makers and blackmail them into a cash settlement — even in cases in which a user has ignored common sense," Dorigo Jones said.

Just my own observation;

Common sense is not as common as it used to be.

As an example I offer you our Federal Government.

[Tijeras_Slim]

[The SISU kid]

[Comstock1]

That has probably saved more lives than you would think.

[KarlInOhio]

When did Death get a tractor?

[SJSAMPLE]

The bad-Hemingway competition?

[Graybeard58]

You forgot to put a warning on this post that it might make you laugh.

[SJSAMPLE]

That writing has saved many a GI ;)

[Eric in the Ozarks]

It had a hyphenated name... Bullwer-google, or something like that.

[OldMissileer]

Oh MAN! You beat me to it! :-)

[Red Badger]

This one gets my vote.......

[N. Theknow]

The demise of the telephone “booth” and the addition of the automatic “stop” lever on power mowers are two urban legends that I wish I could find out if they are factual or fake.

[No.6]

“When did Death get a tractor?”

I’ve heard Death is a drag...

:)

[driftdiver]

“You forgot to put a warning on this post that it might make you laugh.”

You didn’t spill your coffee did you? You may have a case.

[CT-Freeper]

My favorite (I know, it's fake):

[LZ_Bayonet]

Just wondering, do today’s Claymores (”FRONT TOWARD ENEMY”) also have that written in Spanish?

[Hoffer Rand]

I have some little oil lamps that came with the warning:

“Use with caution at own risk”

[Hoffer Rand]

Now that would be a great bumper sticker: “Death drives a John Deere”

Of course, you’d probably get sued...

[L,TOWM]

That would be the Bullware-Lytton Award, a contest sponsored every year by San Jose State, in honor of the author that penned the immortal first line of “It was a dark and stormy night...”

[Madame Dufarge]

Take the story of William A. Bartron, a Lehighton construction worker who accidentally lopped off his hand with a power saw, then shot himself in the head with a nail gun more than a dozen times to kill the pain.

Bartron, 25, was admitted to a Bethlehem area hospital's trauma unit with at least a dozen 1-inch nails jutting from his scalp. A police officer at the scene said Bartron told her he reached for the nail gun "because he could not stand the pain from the amputation."

Now, I'm no legal expert, but it's painfully clear to me that Mr. Bartron's head wounds are the fault of the nail gun manufacturer, which failed to attach this label to its woefully unsafe product:

"WARNING: IN THE EVENT OF UNEXPECTED AMPUTATION OR OTHER INJURY, DO NOT USE AS A PAIN RELIEVER."

[Eric in the Ozarks]

Tnx!

[Cyber Liberty]

Is this it?

[RightWhale]

I have one of those, too. Still in box where it will remain forever.

[Billthedrill]

I dunno - that one seems like an awfully good idea to me...

[Pistolshot]

This is across the street from my office.

The plaque reads.

In Case of Detonation
Seek Shelter

j/k

[Scarpetta]

A cape that came with a set of child’s pajamas had a warning label that read WARNING: Cape does not enable wearer to fly.

[rawcatslyentist]

[Old Professer]

Twenty years ago, I bought a pair of jackstands for my car, a warning label said, “Do not get under car supported only by stand.”

[Old Professer]

Wet Paint; caution, touching this sign will render sign useless.

[Hemingway's Ghost]

Don't be so quick to laugh at labels that help save lives.

This is just another way of saying "it's for the children," which, as we all know, is bravo sierra. Just like when a professional athlete says it's not about the money, we know it's all about the money; when someone says it's for the children, we know it's for the continued enrichment of numero uno.

[LilAngel]

We should all have replicas of our school desks. In case of detonation, duck and cover.

[BenLurkin]

"Predatory lawyers know they can file ridiculous lawsuits against innocent product makers and blackmail them into a cash settlement — even in cases in which a user has ignored common sense,"

[Publius6961]

Those who oppose the contest say that while some warning labels may seem silly, even dumb warnings can do good. They have a warning of their own: Don't be so quick to laugh at labels that help save lives.

Only an idiot would make such a statement with a straight face.
He either believes that the average American IQ has plummeted, or is pandering to the bottom of the gene pool...

Totally reminds me of Idiocracy...

[BenLurkin]

Right before he made the pancake.

[Turret Gunner A20]

It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

[HeadOn]

From my home page:

---

Our main problem is that we stick warning labels on everything. If someone isn’t smart enough to keep their hands and feet out from under a mower deck, maybe they shouldn’t have kids.

We’ve protected the idiots from killing themselves for so long, they have multiplied and are filing lawsuits everywhere.

Some of them are high-ranking elected officials...

“If it’s stupid, more than likely, there is a lawyer or a tax man behind it.” - HeadOn, circa 1990

---

Thanks for posting. One of my favorite topics.

[real saxophonist]

The little packets of crushed red pepper you get from Domino's come in a cardboard carton about 8 inches square. The label says Domino's Pizza Crushed Red Pepper.

On top of the box it says Do Not Crush.

[CholeraJoe]

Or in Arabic that has it on the wrong side?

[DownInFlames]

Warning, Congress In Session - Idiots at work?

[Constitution Day]

::golf clap::

Very nice.

[CougarGA7]

The winner of this year's wacky warning contest is funny in text, but once you actually see this one, it's hilarious.

[LexBaird]

The Bulwar-Lyton Bad Writing Contest?

[null and void]

[CougarGA7]

If it’s not, it should be.

[Oatka]

Just wondering, do today’s Claymores (”FRONT TOWARD ENEMY”) also have that written in Spanish?

It would have to be a BIG Claynmore to accomodate all the foreign languages we kowtow to today.

Sidebar: Viet veterans told me the gooks used to sneak up on the perimeter and reverse the Claymores, then make a commotion so the Americans would fire them off. Dunno if they were joshing me, but it sounded like a good example of human intelligence at work.