Posted on 08/24/2007 12:15:06 AM PDT by beaversmom
A text message from a virtual stranger saying 'I want to have sex with you tonight' might, on occasion, be considered a compliment.
When it comes from the nanny you just hired to look after your eight-month-old baby, it's bad news.
Being a nervous first-time mother, I had done my homework to find Carole. I had interviewed her twice at length and spoken to her previous employer.
As much as it upset me to leave my baby to go back to work, we needed the money - but at least I thought I had done everything to make sure Lily was well cared for.
Now on my second day back at the office, I found myself staring at my mobile phone in total bemusement. Whatever the explanation, it was clear the welfare of my daughter was not high on the list of Carole's priorities that afternoon.
It crossed my mind that Carole was a closet lesbian, but it didn't take long for the truth to hit. Carole had been 'texting dirty' to her boyfriend - and sent the message to my mobile by mistake.
Somehow this incident sums up my nanny experiences. This week I will go in search of my ninth in five years - a guilty secret I almost never admit to for fear it reflects badly on me.
But frankly, why should it? Nannies have done a great PR job painting their employers as selfish bitches who push away their needy children for fear of getting finger marks on their Chanel suits.
Now two former American nannies, turned authors, will once again be making themselves and their ilk out to be the Cinderellas of smart society with the release this autumn of the film of their bestseller, The Nanny Diaries.
It stars Scarlett Johansson as a luscious lipped ingenue whose job it is to relieve neurotic Mrs X of the burden of parenting her four-year-old son.
As our heroine singlehandedly holds the household together, she realises she loves her charge more than his own mother does.
What utter rubbish. I have rarely met a nanny who didn't put the welfare of the children way down the list behind her social life, inflation-beating salary, and free car and holidays.
Forget toilet-training, tantrums and teething. The most difficult thing about having children has not been the kids themselves. It's been finding decent, reliable people to help care for them.
Most nannies are oblivious to the pack of cards that collapses around a working mother when her child-carer doesn't turn up - or worse leaves, let alone how the children feel when they flounce off for a better bonus.
Of course I have also had some lovely nannies.
I was heartbroken when Janie and Amanda returned home to get married. Both solved problems, rather than adding to them.
But it's the Nannies from Hell that haunt you - less Supernanny, more Mrs Blaylock from The Omen. They are the girls - I hesitate to call them women - who go into childcare for easy money and to avoid the jobs they so disdain working mothers for holding down.
Take Sabina from Argentina, who responded to my ad in The Lady. Naively, I was sold on the fact she told me she was a part-time yoga teacher. Calm, composed, I assumed.
There was nothing calm about Sabina's reaction when Lily refused to put her coat on to go to the park.
When I intervened (after the shouting match forced me to break off a conference call to New York) Sabina accused me of bringing up my daughter to be 'terribly behaved'. Lily, I had to remind her, had just turned three.
A few weeks later, Sabina sent me a text saying she couldn't work the next day. The following day, she still didn't show. The third day, I asked her at least to explain her absence. 'Depressed' was the one-word reply by text. At that point, I let her go.
My latest disaster texted me on holiday last week to tell me after less than a month that she had found a new flat to rent two miles away. The bad news is that she now considered it too far to make the job worthwhile.
She assured me she would wait until I had found someone else, but when I got back she announced this was her last day. When I pointed out she had landed me without childcare when I had several important deadlines, she breezily replied: 'It's OK, I've explained it to the children.' So that's all right then.
But Carole topped them all. Looking back, it was Carole who interviewed us for the job. She was an experienced nanny. We were virgin parents, vetted to see how well the role fitted in with her well-established daily round of shopping trips and nanny coffee mornings.
Nevertheless, with a young baby and a career to resurrect, I was terrified of losing her. It's a fear any seasoned Nanny from Hell smells a mile off.
If I voiced an opinion about Lily's care, Carole would sulk, only to summon me later for 'a talk'. I would be bludgeoned into submission: if I didn't like the way she did things, she would have to resign.
Carole was wasted in childcare. Her talents were more creative - she explained the text message incident by saying she had bumped into a friend in the street who had 'kidnapped' her phone.
Once when we were abroad, we left her with the only other set of keys to the family car. We were welcomed home by a £50 fine and a grainy picture of our car cruising down a bus lane. Carole looked my husband in the eye and said: 'Sorry, it wasn't me.' She implied a joyrider had taken it - and then returned it safely.
Despite our misgivings, when we moved to the U.S. for work, we thought Lily's stability was the most important thing - and invited Carole to come with us.
The final straw came a month later when Lily fell down a flight of steps in her pram while in Carole's care. Lily was taken to hospital with head injuries. I was several thousand miles away and my husband spent the day with her in A&E. Lily luckily sustained nothing more than cuts and bruises, while we sustained a 3,000-dollar hospital bill.
The problem was that when my husband needed to catch up with his work that evening, Carole made it plain she still expected to be paid for the extra babysitting.
Shortly afterwards, Carole informed us it hadn't worked out in the U.S. Before she went, she breezily mentioned she wouldn't need references because she could explain away the previous 18 months by saying she had gone travelling.
Anyway, she was certain it wouldn't take her long to find another job. Her best nanny friend had a position with one of Britain's top nanny agencies as a recruitment consultant.
I froze when I remembered this was the girl who, Carole had gleefully informed me, blackmailed her employers by threatening to tell the authorities they had not paid tax on her salary.
Maybe I have just been unlucky, but I don't think so. Every mother I know has a nightmare nanny story, ranging from the incompetent to the downright dangerous.
One friend, embroiled in a bitter planning row with her neighbours, was stunned when, completely unsolicited, her opponents' nanny dropped round to tell them every spit and cough of what was being said next door. There was no reason for it - she simply wanted to stir up trouble.
Thankfully, no one I know has had a full-scale nanny seductress on their hands - not a successful one, anyway. Two mothers I know say their nannys' doe-eyed flirtations with their husbands were so obvious they were the subject of amusement, rather than paranoia.
But there is a darker side. My friend Lynne was shocked when the nanny accused her ten-year-old daughter of stealing her CDs. Meanwhile, the mother's clothes were going missing.
Guessing the accusation was a smokescreen, the mother waited for the nanny to go out, searched her room and found the missing garments stashed under the bed. The nanny had altered them to fit her.
Worse still, a nanny I knew from the school run was recently fired on the spot after the parents discovered she had repeatedly told their four-year-old daughter she was ugly and stupid.
Nannies have traded off Mary Poppins for too long. There are two sides to this complex relationship - and it's the nannies who have the upper hand. A Mintel survey says there are seven families chasing each available nanny in central London - and don't the little madams know it.
We need nannies because the cost of living forces many of us out to work - not, as the nannies would have it, because we are at the health spa. With nanny bonuses to pay, how would we ever afford that anyway? Nanny Diaries? The Mummy Diaries make much more gruesome reading.
What utter rubbish. I have rarely met a nanny who didn't put the welfare of the children way down the list behind her social life, inflation-beating salary, and free car and holidays.
snip
Maybe I have just been unlucky, but I don't think so. Every mother I know has a nightmare nanny story, ranging from the incompetent to the downright dangerous.
But she keeps inviting them over and over again into her child's life.
I thought the same. If the nannies are so terrible with her child, why doesn't she just take care of her herself? The nannies aren't putting her child first - well, why not her?
in my day, it was assumed that MOTHERS took care of their babies....
If you are a good mother, you just KNOW that no one is going to love or care for your child like you do....
But if in your valueless world you actually think you can pay someone to love and care for your child as much as you do, then it says a whole lot about YOUR loving and YOUR caring...( it ain't very good).
A bit ironic considering this mother is putting her child in the care of stranger so she can pursue money...
Obviously, it's all about her. She should have said, "Every child I know has a nightmare nanny story..." (the ones that can talk and are aware enough that is).
And what kind of twit thinks that teaching yoga is a good recommendation for a nanny??
Now why dont I ever get text messages like that?
***The final straw came a month later when Lily fell down a flight of steps in her pram while in Carole’s care.***
And they KEPT this nanny on?
The unexpected has finally happened to me: I am at a loss for words.
The nerve of those nannies wanting to get paid for their job. They should love those kids like their mother and sub contract the job out and get a different one.
This is the part that I question. I wonder what is her definition of "living". Is it food and shelter and a stable environment for her child or is it something more?
This is in Britain, right? What's with the 3000-dollar bill for free health care??
LOL..................
Well, the husband did need to catch up on his work.
You don't seem to understand, kitkat. They are Very Important People, with Very Important Jobs. The mom has conference calls with people overseas for Pete's sake!
They are much too important to waste their time caring for their own children!
Even more ironic when you do an evaluation of what her extra income is actually doing for the family.
Just take the tax rate on her income. That second working person in the household is effectively taxed at a MUCH higher rate than the first earner. And then there’s the cost of daycare/nanny.
Now, factor in that the kids would be so much better off with more Mom and less “stuff”. A smaller house, used cars, fewer toys, garage sale clothes and LOTS OF MOM TIME are a good recipe for healthy kids.
***The mom has conference calls with people overseas for Pete’s sake!***
LOL! That one got to me. I have conference calls with people overseas, too. Darn banks can’t hire Americans anymore.
Add in the cost of Mom’s “working” clothes, parking fees, toll fees, gasoline, lunches, and the ever-present “We’re giving a shower for Sarah and you’re down for $50 for the gift.”
‘I want to have sex with you tonight’
I got the same message! High five!
You mean a total stranger doesn’t care about her kids as much as she does? Shocking!
Had a bud of mine whose wife insisted on working - and for not very much d’oh. I even worked up a spreadsheet for her with costs vs income - and it showed her working for about $0.20/hr after expenses.
Truth be told, I think she wanted to be anyway from the children. Quite the same.
I see this more and more - when the family could do with a little less and have a family life..... Blame the TV I guess.
One explanation why Ms. Carey might need the money...
Her children are obivously not her first priority, why should she expect them to be someone else’s?
Um. . .am I the only one who thinks this lady was 'amused' when she thought the nanny was hitting on her and only became truly upset when she found out the girl had actually been trying to text her boyfriend?
I had to re-read that part as well. I think they were in the States at the time.
LOL :)
Oh, Tanith Carey is a Very Important Person! She is the New York corespondent for London's Daily Mail. And she has a Very Important Job! She writes gossip about celebrities!
...and EVERY MOTHER SHE KNOWS has a nightmare nanny story!
You would think in today's world, she could do that crap from home. What an important job to neglect your child for.
As I read it, she may have been in the States at the time. She does say, though, that her husband spent the day with the baby at A&E, the British term for the emergency room.
This woman expects a stranger to give her child top priority, the poor child isn’t even it’s own mother’s top priority.
Now, how would she be able to attend the A-list parties, charity events, gallery openings and the various other social functions of the New York elite if she stayed at home with her bothersome children? This is what nannies are for!
it’s should be its, the ossessive form, not it is the contraction form
ossessive should be possessive AAARGGHHH! I am never going to get used to this keyboard!
This chick is dumber and more selfish than the nannies she hires to raise her children for her. Good luck with that. Why doesn’t your husband stay home and take care of the kids if you make more than he does and you need the money? Otherwise, you probably could get by on his salary, but just don’t want to.
You can’t pay someone to love your children.
I wonder if the husband's and wife's phones got mixed up? hmmmmm......
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