Survey finds parental ignorance

The Boston Globe ^ | August 17, 2006 | Naila Moreira

[Sopater]

Survey finds parental ignorance Suggests presence doesn't deter drug use in the home By Naila Moreira, Globe Correspondent | August 17, 2006

Parents may be badly mistaken if they believe their mere presence at home prevents teenagers from drinking or using drugs out of their sight.

A third of children ages 12 to 17 -- and almost half of 17-year-olds -- said they had attended parties where drugs and alcohol were available despite parents being at home, according to a survey by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University. Half of those surveyed said they attended parties, with or without parental presence, where those substances were available.

The study suggested parents are ignorant of their children's party-going lives: Eighty percent of parents surveyed said they believed neither alcohol nor marijuana is usually available at parties their teens attend.

[Sopater]

half of 17-year-olds -- said they had attended parties where drugs and alcohol were available despite parents being at home...

Eighty percent of parents surveyed said they believed neither alcohol nor marijuana is usually available at parties their teens attend.

I take it 80% of parents were among the 50% who didn't attend parties where drugs and alcohol were present when they were kids.

I don't think that I ever attended one party after the age of 12 that didn't have drugs or alcohol present.

[Paved Paradise]

They might be able to hide alcohol from me but I'd smell pot for sure. I'm glad my son is all grown, married, and a productive citizen.

[brushcop]

Amen to that. We raised three and it was a constant vigilance program. Oh yeah, they were great kids but healthy skepticism goes a long way to deter things, also, some rules and guidelines that are enforced.

We told them that we love them greatly but we ain't their buddy, to think of us as a benevolent dictatorship. Now, they all have kids and things are starting to dawn on them, paybacks 'a comin' !!

[Sopater]

We've got to get the kids away from their homes and parents and give them to the state.

Yeah, it would be interesting to see how many kids that are wards of the state use drugs and alcohol.

[Asfarastheeastisfromthewest...]

I hear you on the constant vigilance program..... and a healthy application of Proverbs 3:11 My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth... AND Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

[Paved Paradise]

I hear ya. I remember once when my son told me that something wasn't my business. I think I found a note or something. I looked him in the eye and told him everything he did, said, thought, etc. was MY business because if he screwed up, I was the one that would be paying. I cringe when I think of the parents that are afraid to be parents to their kids.

[Exit148]

We raised 3 sons also.

One time, one (DS#1) went to a party (knowing what the rules were) He came home and went into the bathroom and started vomiting and called me. One of our guests, that night, was a police officer. He went with me and immediately asked "Son -- what did you mix with the wine"!! DS#1 was really retching away, so I put him in the basement on a sofa for the night along with a basin. The next morning he was all dried out and thirsty. He asked one of his young cousins (who was staying with us that week-ends) to ask me for a glass of water. I sent down an opened bottle of Vermouth. That got him retching all over again! LOLOL! Meanie me! There was also other punishment to come, but he grew up fine and he and his brothers, all in their 40s now are good family men and not big drinkers -- especially DS#1!

[pandoraou812]

I can remember getting a hangover and my dear mother gave me barely cooked eggs for breakfast the next day. I hate eggs to this day. I can also remember my older brother coming home smashed and she dragged him up to his room with his head hitting every single step. I have raised teenagers and one of the things I made sure of was making them account for their spending money. I see so many parents hand over money without asking where it is going to be spent. I had my problems with my 2 oldest ones, 27 and 28 who by the grace of God straightened their lives out and my other 3 boys, 24, 23 and 19 seem to be doing fine so far. We involve ourselves in their lives even if they dont like it. We also stopped drinking eight yrs ago and dont allow it in our home. As they have a 6 yr old sister they dont want her to see them drunk so if they do party they dont come home until the next day. So far as I can tell none of them like to drink much .

[Exit148]

There should be more parents like you and your mother! (dragging up the stairs! LOLOL!)

But involvement in their lives is really important. Know who their friends are -- know where they are going / what they are doing -- and so on.

I was a school volunteer for just about everything as my kids grew up. Be it library/scouts/band/wrestling -- I was in the middle of it, and the kids didn't mind. It really was a way to know them outside of the home. I see that they are doing the same with their own kids.