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Married to the Military: Spouses Need Own Identity
American Forces Press Service ^ | Jan 19, 2006 | Samantha L. Quigley

Posted on 01/19/2006 10:19:35 PM PST by SandRat

WASHINGTON, Jan. 19, 2006 – Military life is full of ups and downs. But for it to be a more positive experience, military spouses have to know themselves, Amberlynde Graham said.

Graham has been a married nearly six years to a Navy fire controlman - he operates, maintains and repairs weapons systems' control mechanisms.

In that time, the couple and their four children -- the youngest is now 22 months old -- have had six changes of station in five states and gone through two deployments. They are currently stationed in San Diego.

Through the moves and separations, her enthusiasm for military life has not been dampened. She attributes this to sense of self beyond her role of military wife, she said.

"If you don't now who you are, you can't be a military wife," Graham said. "Not a happy one anyway."

Those with jobs or volunteer positions are much more likely to successfully weather deployments and separations than those who live only for their husbands, she said.

"If you don't know who you are when your husband's there, what are you going to do when he's gone?" she asked. "You're going to have (periods of separation), ... and you can't sit there eating ice cream and crying the entire time. You have those days, trust me. But you can't do it all the time."

While Graham stays home with her children, she has a clear picture of who she is apart from military life.

Her journalism degree from the University of Texas has served her well as an editor for an outdoor sportsman magazine, a job she does from home. She's also in contract negotiations with a publishing company regarding a novel she's writing.

She also wishes that others knew who she and other military wives are. People often believe that when a woman marries into the military, she's the "little wife" and will never be anything else, Graham said.

"It bothers me, the negative connotation (that) follows all of it: You can't be your own person," she said. "There's no reason why anybody has to let that happen." She suggested spouses seek help from service family assistance centers to further their education or find a fulfilling job.

Higher visibility of spouses satisfied with their military lives would go a long way toward dispelling stereotypes and misperceptions, she said.

"The spouses everybody sees are the housewives dragging four kids to the commissary screaming at them," Graham said. "The reality is that I've met ... literally somebody from every single walk of life."

Just because a military spouse has her own career and identity doesn't mean she doesn't have to deal with issues related to military life, though. Graham has had to answer her children's questions about where Daddy is and when he'll be home. Sometimes the answer isn't what a child wants to hear.

Graham's daughter is in elementary school and had a solo in her school's Christmas program this year. Her father missed it for the second year in a row because he was at sea.

Graham said her husband works to make the time he does spend with the children count.

The children also realize the importance of what their father does, she said. "You take them to the ball games and stuff, and my daughter -- she's 7 -- she'll cry at the national anthem already," Graham said, noting that the children's father, uncle and grandfather have all served in the military. "So, I think, as they've gotten older they've actually had more respect for (military service)."

Graham and her husband recently decided that he would become a career sailor. She said the decision made sense after they compared military and civilian pay and benefits for similar jobs.

"If you look at the cash on the paycheck, it doesn't come out to much," she said. But, after comparing salaries, housing and health insurance costs in the civilian world, it was an easy call, she said. "We actually make more than someone with a degree in his field (in the civilian sector)," she said.

While the majority of her life in the military has been good, there have been some true frustrations for Graham. Getting her degree was a challenge, she said, and her husband's deployments have sometimes made her a single parent.

These frustrations, along with the good times, are all part of military life, Graham said. And with the knowledge that she is more than what her husband does for a living, she is enjoying that life.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Foreign Affairs
KEYWORDS: identity; married; military; militaryfamilies; need; own; spouses

1 posted on 01/19/2006 10:19:37 PM PST by SandRat
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To: 2LT Radix jr; 68-69TonkinGulfYachtClub; 80 Square Miles; AlaninSA; A Ruckus of Dogs; acad1228; ...

MILTARY SPOUSES PING!


2 posted on 01/19/2006 10:20:03 PM PST by SandRat (Duty, Honor, Country. What else needs to be said?)
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To: SandRat

If it wasn't for her and the military wives like her, our country wouldn't have the number 1 military in the world. I thank all of them.


3 posted on 01/19/2006 10:27:12 PM PST by jazusamo (A Progressive is only a Socialist in a transparent disguise.)
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To: Squantos
>>the couple and their four children -- the youngest is now 22 months old<<<

"The spouses everybody sees are the housewives dragging four kids to the commissary screaming at them," Graham said. "The reality is that I've met ... literally somebody from every single walk of life."

Or...

She also wishes that others knew who she and other military wives are. People often believe that when a woman marries into the military, she's the "little wife" and will never be anything else, Graham said.

"It bothers me, the negative connotation (that) follows all of it: You can't be your own person," she said. "There's no reason why anybody has to let that happen." She suggested spouses seek help from service family assistance centers to further their education or find a fulfilling job.

Hmmm...

4 posted on 01/19/2006 10:51:26 PM PST by Thinkin' Gal (As it was in the days of NO...)
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To: jazusamo; MJY1288; ohioWfan; Marine Mom; mystery-ak

Ditto! God bless our brave military families.


5 posted on 01/19/2006 10:58:11 PM PST by STARWISE (Sedition:an illegal action inciting resistance to lawful authority- to cause the overthrow of govt)
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To: SandRat

Got this in the e-mail around Mother's day last year - from : http://www.mikeysFunnies.com -

To Military Spouses:

For the times you've stood and watched a ship sail from the harbor, an aircraft disappear into the clouds, or a truck convoy pull out of sight, not sure when they would return, we thank you.

For the countless household moves you've made from a place you know to one that's strange and different -- often by yourself -- we thank you.

For the families you've held together, for the anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays you've celebrated alone, we thank you.

For the hand you've extended to another military spouse when the need was there, truly creating a military family, we thank you.

For the spirit and strength you've shown when your service member has gone into harm's way, we thank you.

For the pride you've displayed while serving as an ambassador of the military spouse to the rest of the world, we thank you.

Far too frequently, the sacrifices and dedication of the military spouse have gone unnoticed and unappreciated. You have stood watch at home, facing challenges alone. You have waved flags and held banners high to express your support. You have kept the candles burning on the home front as a reminder of our deployed military.

You have made difficult sacrifices of your own, and have called upon your inner reserves to nurture family life so your service member can focus on the business at hand.

As a military spouse, you have willingly packed up and relocated countless times, and may have been separated from your own parents and siblings for several years at a time.

A country cannot count itself strong by its armed services alone, but must also depend on its civilians. With military wives and husbands setting a superior example through devotion, courage, and commitment, we are a nation of strength.

Military spouses ... stand tall, stand proud ... we salute you ... you are truly our unsung heroes.




PASS IT ON!
Yeah, you can send this Funny to anybody you want. And, if you're REAL nice, you'll tell them where you got it! www.mikeysFunnies.com



6 posted on 01/19/2006 10:58:37 PM PST by Keith in Iowa (Democrats are to the US Media what Al-Qaeda is to Aljazeera.)
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To: SandRat

BTTT


7 posted on 01/20/2006 3:01:34 AM PST by E.G.C.
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To: SandRat

Monique found a hobby to occupy her while her husband was overseas: having sex with the teenage lover she had moved into their home. She then decided to have her husband killed when he returned.

The Full Story

8 posted on 01/20/2006 4:09:36 AM PST by Kjobs (Murtha IS A COWARD!! Go Jean Schmidt!)
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