Dungy eulogizes son as 'sweet young boy'

NFL.com ^ | Dec. 28, 2005 | NFL.com wire reports

[Owl_Eagle]

Dungy eulogizes son as 'sweet young boy'

NFL.com wire reports

• Tony Dungy statement to media

LUTZ, Fla. (Dec. 27, 2005) -- Tony Dungy blinked back tears, straining to compose himself.

"Parents, hug your kids every chance you get," he said. "Tell them you love them every chance you get, because you don't know when it's going to be the last time."

The Indianapolis Colts coach buried his eldest son, James, lovingly recalling the 18-year-old who died in an apparent suicide last week as a "mama's boy" with a "compassionate heart." Someone who loved to smile and have fun.

Dungy spoke for nearly 20 minutes during an emotional two-hour funeral service attended by NFL stars, past and present, league officials, including commissioner Paul Tagliabue, the entire Colts team and four other NFL head coaches -- Herman Edwards, Dennis Green, Lovie Smith and Jack Del Rio -- along with University of Washington coach Ty Willingham.

NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue was among the mourners at James Dungy's funeral.

Hall of Famer Mean Joe Greene and ex-Washington Redskins cornerback Darrell Green were also among the 2,000 mourners who came to Idlewild Baptist Church in this Tampa suburb.

Dungy dabbed away tears at times, but his message throughout was clear: His son was a "sweet young boy" who struggled with many of the same issues as others his age.

"As he got a little older, like all teen-agers, he was searching for who that person was inside of him. Who he was going to be. ... And like most of us, I think he went through a time as a teen-ager that he wasn't sure his parents always had the best advice. He wasn't sure that we always had his best interest at heart," the coach said.

"My daughter Tiara said it best the other day. She said: 'I just wish he could have made it until he was 20. Because when you're 17 or 18, sometimes the things you guys say to us don't always make sense. ... When I got to 20, they started making sense again.' "

Tiara, the eldest of Dungy's five children, is 21.

Before leaving for the cemetery, Dungy made a brief statement outside the church and, on behalf of his wife, Lauren, and family, thanked friends and fans for their support.

"We loved our son very much, he loved us and we miss him terribly. James was a good young man with a compassionate heart and we were glad to have him for 18 years. ... God has him now for the rest of eternity," he said.

Shortly before the service began, the Colts entered a side door to the main auditorium of the 5,200-seat church, filed past the open casket and took their seats to the right of the family section.

Dungy, with his right arm draped around his wife's shoulder, led the family in and stood in front of the cherrywood casket to say a final goodbye. The couple took seats in a pew a few feet away, then watched solemnly as the lid was closed and the service began.

Dungy left the Colts on Dec. 22, the day his son was found, and it remains uncertain when he will return.

A preliminary autopsy report indicated the teen-ager took his own life, but the exact cause of death won't be released until a toxicology examination is completed in 4-6 weeks.

The coach addressed his players during the service, calling them some of the greatest role models in the country and urging them to reach out to young people.

"I want to urge you to continue being who you are because our young boys in this country, they need to hear from you," he said. "If anything, be bolder in who you are. Because our boys are getting a lot of the wrong messages about what it means to be a man in this world. About how you should act, and how you should dress, and how you should talk, and how you should treat people. They don't always get the right message, but you guys have the right messages."

He also cautioned parents against taking their children for granted. He recalled Thanksgiving, which was the last time he saw his son, as the teen-ager rushed off to the airport.

"I said, 'I'll see you later.' I didn't get to hug him. I knew I'd see him again pretty soon, so it didn't really bother me very much," Dungy said.

"We talked on the phone a lot the last few days. We're always talking about what was going to happen. The last few days he was saying -- as the guys on the team know he would -- he was saying: 'Dad, we're going to the Super Bowl, and when we do, will I be on the field?' "

Dungy nearly broke down again, then finished his thought amid applause.

"And I said: 'Yeah, man. You know the hard part is getting there, but if we do, you know you're going to be on the field.' ... But I never got to hug him again. That's one thing I'll always think about and always remind people to do: Hug 'em every chance you get."

The Colts arrived aboard six chartered buses carrying players, coaches and staff. Quarterback Peyton Manning arrived separately.

Players from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, whom Dungy coached for six seasons, were among those present, along with owner Malcolm Glazer, former general manager Rich McKay, now with the Atlanta Falcons, and former Buccaneer and Dungy neighbor Warren Sapp.

The coach even had kind words for Glazer, who fired him after the Bucs lost in the first round of the playoffs in 2001. He thanked the owner for taking time to help shape his son's life while he was working in Tampa.

"We took a lot of bus rides to the airport. And he would sit on the front seat," he said, referring to Glazer. "Every time Jamie would come on, he would talk to him. He never talked to him about football. He always talked to him about being a good son, and then he'd talk to me about taking care of my boys and being a good dad -- every single trip we took."

[Owl_Eagle]

A terribly sad story.

Dungy makes a valuable point.  ""Parents, hug your kids every chance you get tell them you love them every chance you get, because you don't know when it's going to be the last time."

For you or for them.

Owl_Eagle

(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,

 it was probably sarcasm)

[Owl_Eagle]

In case you didn't see this yet ping.

Owl_Eagle

(If what I just wrote makes you sad or angry,

 it was probably sarcasm)

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Thanks for the ping!!

[Mears]

Sad ! We had a suicide of a young person in our family many years ago and it just never goes away!

What did we miss? If we had only got there 5 minutes sooner. Why didn't we see the signs? Were there any signs?
Why? Why? Why?

[AppyPappy]

James was a good young man with a compassionate heart and we were glad to have him for 18 years. ... God has him now for the rest of eternity,"

The "..." part was Dangy talking about his son accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior. It was allowed on Christian radio.

[Bigg Red]

So sad, I am sure, to lose a child, and even sadder when he dies this way.

[mtbopfuyn]

Because when you're 17 or 18, sometimes the things you guys say to us don't always make sense.

Ok, so that's why the msm hasn't reported the reason for the suicide. That comment follows what I'd suspected that dad might have been riding him. Anyone else, they would have reported what happened, why, and not have pulled after the first article that his girlfriend was there.

[AppyPappy]

It usually very well-hidden. Teenagers get very little affirmation. That's key at that age. The best defense is a good offense.

[bigfootbob]

"The "..." part was Dangy talking about his son accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior."

James must have missed the part about suicide.

[AppyPappy]

All have sinned and fallen short.

[No Blue States]

If you mean to imply that suicide is an unforgivable sin, Ive searched and never been able to see that it too isnt forgivable. The only unpardonable sin is to reject Jesus imo.

[mlc9852]

Was their a suicide note? How did they determine it was suicide?

[js1138]

Some years ago a young and very bright programmer in my office killed himself. I never heard the official reason, but everyone assuned he had drug debts he couldn't pay.

His parents could have payed, but apparently he didn't want to face them.

[Onelifetogive]

James must have missed the part about suicide.

?

I am not sure what you mean by this. I find suicide to be totally incompatible with being a Christian, but I also believe that suicide is often the result of mental defects whick, I doubt God would hold against us. Only God knows...

[bigfootbob]

Very true, but suicide is wrong and to not discuss the issue for what it is, is dangerous.

How many confused souls will see the glorification of this act and follow suit?

Yes, I have had two suicides in my extended family.

[notigar]

http://www.tampatrib.com/MGBU9AZGLHE.html

[Sam's Army]

Unimaginable. So sad.

[Red Badger]

...only unpardonable sin is to reject Jesus imo.

The only unpardonable sin is to :

Matthew CH 12:32

And whosoever speaketh a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but whosoever speaketh against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him, neither in this world, neither in the world to come.

[My2Cents]

A sad and sobering part about this is that it is in fact possible for a person to give their heart over to Christ, and yet commit such a tragic act. It's a reminder that we're saved not by our character or by our good choices, but by God's grace, and some hurts never get completely healed until we see Him face to face.

[CBart95]

These terrible tragedies happen almost daily in these United States. Good intentions and prayerful commentary will never bring these sons and daughters back.
Intervention and tough love may help staveoff this tragic major delimna. But it is still a fire raging out of control.
Let's pray instead for Devine Guidance out of this terrible ordeal. For this affects each and everyone of us.

[HisKingdomWillAbolishSinDeath]

That's it, blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.

Very sad day, but will be a very happy reunion on the day of his resurrection. Tony made it clear his son had accepted Christ as his Savior. Why he let the devil trick him into this act, only God knows the answer.

[secret garden]

Amen.

[mission9]

Thanks for the post. I, as yet, am not convinced that it was a "suicide." I will await the toxicology report. In the meantime, the trail grows cold. What was the method of suicide? It is left for us to assume that it was drugs. How did he get these drugs? What is an eighteen year old with a history of overdose doing with these drugs? Anybody he got them from may be an accessory, and anyone who covers it up is an accessory after the fact.

[Ludicrous]

Interesting article. Perhaps the Dungy parents might have known more about their son's problems if they had reviewed James' myspace page.

It seems kinda sneaky - but i check my teenager's myspace page frequently. I have found both good news and bad news there.

To any parent of a teenager: create a myspace account and find their page. It's pretty easy to do. You can search by school/age/gender combo or by email address. Hopefully you won't find anything alarming.

I don't consider it snooping because it is posted on a public website.

[No Blue States]

I havnet heard how they determined it was a suicide.

[spectre]

I am sorry about the grief your family went through.

From what I heard reported, (and it was only ONCE), the Dungy boy had tried and obviously failed at committing suicide back in October.

I don't know what was so tragic in his life, that he felt he couldn't bear to live, but if he did try to take his life in October, there were "signs".

For the record, I am NOT assigning blame. The fact he felt death would be better than living, upsets me beyond words.

WHY? Only those closest to him would know this.

sw

[curtisgardner]

"As he got a little older, like all teen-agers, he was searching for who that person was inside of him. Who he was going to be. ... And like most of us, I think he went through a time as a teen-ager that he wasn't sure his parents always had the best advice. He wasn't sure that we always had his best interest at heart," the coach said. "My daughter Tiara said it best the other day. She said: 'I just wish he could have made it until he was 20. Because when you're 17 or 18, sometimes the things you guys say to us don't always make sense. ... When I got to 20, they started making sense again.' "

I e-mailed this line to my mom who is struggling with my 18 year old brother who just graduated early and thinks moving out will be the best thing to ever happen in his life. I told her not to get frustrated and know that one day he will appreciate everything her and my dad have done and taught him.

[HIDEK6]

but everyone assuned he had drug debts he couldn't pay.

Drug dealers sell on credit?

[notigar]

If you are an NFL coach's son, probably

[notigar]

Good idea.

[No Blue States]

Thanks for the correction friend.

[Sir Gawain]

Did they see his MySpace profile?

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1548331/posts

[demkicker]

I, too, think its odd that his death has been labled a suicide. Since they're waiting for the toxology report, it was obviously drug related, but why not consider it to be an accidental overdose?

[rwilson99]

James had been Baker Acted in October after a willful incident that apparently has some parallels to his death.

[demkicker]

Okay, I've read your sentence three times and still don't comprehend it. Are you speaking in code?

[demkicker]

Never mind. I Googled 'Baker Acted' and now get it (duh).

[DameAutour]

That is absolutely true. I've never seen anyone say this on Free Republic before, but it is the truth. It IS possible to be a Christian, to give your heart over to God, and then go on to commit suicide at some point.

From the article and the fact that James Dungy was making plans, the suicide may very well have been an impulsive act committed in anger or sudden desperation. I have been there before, thank God I am still alive.

[LasVegasMac]

For you or for them.

Man, if that ain't the truth. Sometimes we think we get too busy, distracted with life's happenings.

I feel so sorry for Tony and his family...I can't imagine the pain they must be feeling.

May God comfort you and family, Tony.

LVM

[latina4dubya]

The "..." part was Dangy talking about his son accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior. It was allowed on Christian radio.

i saw and heard him say it on a local Bay Area news channel...

[litehaus]

"because you don't know when it's going to be the last time."

For those of us who have lost a child unexpectedly, we know this is the best advice......the pain lasts......the memories are great though....

[My2Cents]

There, but for the grace of God, go all of us. Aside from "Christ in me," I'm the same doofus I was before I received His forgiveness. Christians are capable of doing incredibly stupid and even destructive things. I doubt I would ever get to the point of commiting suicide, but I know that being a Christian doesn't, for example, exempt one from wrestling with depression at times, or anger. The challenge for every Christian is to learn how to walk, moment by moment, in the grace, mercy, and power of God. Everyone stumbles in the process of learning and living -- some tragically. The hope is that we eventually overcome by God's Spirit.

[latina4dubya]

James must have missed the part about suicide.

when Jesus died on the cross for our sins, he died for ALL of our sins... not just the ones we commit up until the point of salvation... when we accept Him as our Lord and Savior, he forgives us of ALL our sins... past, present and future... for we will never be perfect in our mortal bodies... otherwise, we'd have to receive salvation every hour of every day... this is not biblical...

[My2Cents]

Well-said.

[oneofmany]

Tony Dungy is and has always been a class act. Condolences for him and his family.