Abuse against men ignored researcher: Just as likely as women to be battered

The Edmonton Journal ^ | Sunday, October 09, 2005 | Karen Kleiss

[jasoncann]

EDMONTON -- Husbands and boyfriends are abused by their partners far more often than most Canadians realize, yet there is virtually no support for battered men, attendees of a two-day conference heard Saturday.

"All we hear about is violence against women and children," says Grant Brown, an Edmonton lawyer who helped organize the conference, held at the Edmonton Art Gallery.

"They just ignore the fact that men are just as likely to be victims of domestic violence. ... They just refuse to address the issue."

The conference, which highlighted the gender bias in Canadians' understanding of domestic violence, was organized by the Gender Issues Education Foundation, an Edmonton-based organization.

"Remember Wayne Bobbit? He actually became a comedy routine," said University of British Columbia forensic psychologist Donald Dutton.

"But we know that young women these days are more violent than their boyfriends. That's what the data shows."

While it is true that women are more often victims than men, Dutton says the number of men is not as small as many believe. According to his research, 4.2 per cent of abused women and 2.6 per cent of abused men report "repeated, severe battering."

He says researchers routinely ignore this fact because of pre-conceived ideas about domestic violence -- namely, that men are always the abusers and women are always the victims.

This unwitting bias in domestic violence research has influenced policing, custodial hearings and even public policy, Dutton says.

A researcher for 31 years in the field of domestic violence, Dutton was not invited to the Alberta-government-sponsored World Conference on the Prevention of Family Violence, which will be held in Banff at the end of the month.

He and organizers of Saturday's conference say that is a sign of the one-sided approach the province is taking to domestic violence policy.

Psychology professor John Archer from the United Kingdom's University of Central Lancashire also studies aggressive behaviour, and his most recent work also shows women and men are equally violent in relationships.

"More of the women than men were injured," he says, "but there is still quite a large number of men who were injured in domestic incidents."

Archer's study found nearly two-thirds of abused women suffer injuries, compared to roughly one-third of men. That number may be low, however, because men are less likely to seek medical help.

"You can't base public policy on half of the data," Archer says.

"If you're going to do something about partner violence then you can't ignore a big group of the victims."

[edpc]

..."repeated, severe battering."

Then bake for 30 min at 325 F.

[Kenton]

"Remember Wayne Bobbit? He actually became a comedy routine," said University of British Columbia forensic psychologist Donald Dutton

I remember a lot of normally rational women who treated the Bobbit maiming like it was a joke. When I asked some of these ladies if they'd find it equally funny if some cuckolded husband sexually mutilated his wife while she was asleep, they all got mad at me.

[markedman]

Some like it hot. Like they say - you know the 'they': "Different stroke for different folks"

[JamesP81]

Interesting study.

I figure that, as a man, I ought to be able to absorb a bit more punishment than a wife/girlfriend could. I guess that's the natural male macho coming out.

With all that being said, it sets a bad precedent in the law to have a double standard, and that should be avoided. Women battering men should be just as illegal as men battering women. As a rule, I doubt most of us would press charges against our wives/girlfriends for something like this, since it's unlikely any of us would actually even need medical attention because of it anyway.

[ClearCase_guy]

I had an Anthropology professor in the 80's who went on and on and on about abuse of women. I pointed out that men get abused too. She literally flapped her hand and said "They can take it. That stuff doesn't matter. Now, back to women ..."

[RepoGirl]

I encountered the same thing. I was horrified at what I can only describe as the glee that I saw from my fellow females when discussing Mr. Bobbit. When I posed the same question, I was all but accused of treason and more head-scratchingly--sexism.

I think that was about the same time I started to realize that the majority of 'feminists' were just angry, petty women that I had nothing in common with.

[BigYellowDog]

If you are White, Male or Christian you are allowed to be battered. The only unprotected class "White Christian Men".

[Savage Beast]

The worst male-battering occurs in the courts.

Divorce court routinely favors the woman over the man.

Men are routinely forced to pay child support even for children proven not to be theirs.

Setting up, for my daughter, a trust that could not be invaded by a spouse in divorce court was easy--setting up a similar trust for my son, impossible.

I once knew a woman, obviously a lesbian living with her female "partner" and flaunting it, receiving alimony from her ex-husband and flaunting her delight in exploiting him.

I knew another divorced woman, living with a man, comfortably enjoying the support of her ex-husband.

There are many similar cases.

When my brother-in-law, a highly honorable man if one of less than desirable judgment, decided to end a relationship with a woman, she broke the windows in his home, destroyed some of this furnishings, and charged him with assaulting her. He was innocent; there was no basis for her charge. She was nuts--and vengeful. His only transgression (a big one) was in getting mixed up with that nutcase in the first place. However, he wound up paying her cash and with an assault charge on his record.

[markedman]

Re: "If you are White, Male or Christian you are allowed to be battered. The only unprotected class "White Christian Men"."

Yeah, but don't forget, that's only because of our privileged existence gleaned off of the backs of minorities, women, and trangendered workers. I mean after all, don't we all have large trust funds and inside access to "the powers that be"?

[JamesP81]

If you are White, Male or Christian you are allowed to be battered. The only unprotected class "White Christian Men".

That's about the truth. I think we're in a position where our society has been programmed to believe that men are somehow inferior, or even naturally evil in some way just because they are men or christians (and in the worst cases, both). Society treats young boys as some kind of inferior creature that is cared for simply because it's required by law. They are treated poorly in school and told they aren't worth anything. It's no wonder that there are such psychological problems with people these days.

Really, I guess it all goes back to family values, which are constantly under attack. Things are better for family values now than they were ten years ago, but we have a long, long way to go.

[sandbar]

>>>I encountered the same thing. I was horrified at what I can only describe as the glee that I saw from my fellow females when discussing Mr. Bobbit. When I posed the same question, I was all but accused of treason and more head-scratchingly--sexism.>>>

I am not excusing what Ms. Bobbit did, but this fella wasn't a prudish little church mouse. This guy regularly abused her and raped her. If a woman beat on a guy on a regular basis and one day he cold cocked her back, does that make him an abuser? No, not in my book. But don't act like Mr. Bobbit was a poor little victim. Nothing excuses what she did and noone deserves what happened to him, but I hold him somewhat responsible as well.

[sandbar]

>>>I once knew a woman, obviously a lesbian living with her female "partner" and flaunting it, receiving alimony from her ex-husband and flaunting her delight in exploiting him.>>>

And I know a woman... and I know a man....

There are nutjobs in both sexes. The courts are SLOWLY starting to turn to fairness and I've seen ALOT more joint custody cases lately. Even in rural Georgia.

[Terabitten]

I figure that, as a man, I ought to be able to absorb a bit more punishment than a wife/girlfriend could. I guess that's the natural male macho coming out.

That's a big part of it. "What, you got your ass kicked by a girl?"

[Savage Beast]

Yes, there are nutjobs of both sexes, and as a man who loves women--and men and children--and the father of a son and a daughter, both of whom I adore, I'm not biased in favor of either sex. People are lovable and equally deserving of justice.

[Savage Beast]

Yes, there are nutjobs of both sexes, and as a man who loves women--and men and children--and the father of a son and a daughter, both of whom I adore, I'm not biased in favor of either sex. People are lovable and equally deserving of justice.

[egfowler3]

Speaking as one of the select class of individuals ignored in all of those studies, even if you do attempt to let others know of the abuse, no one believes you. After all, "as a man you should be able to handle it," or "you are more able to defend yourself," or "yeah, sure she did," or ...

The only ones interested and supportive are those who have gone through the gauntlet as well. I spent eighteen and a half years in an abusive marriage and got blamed for everything that happened to my family and me for my efforts.

My suggestion? At the first sign of abuse, dump the b***h/a*****e faster than you would a red hot bar of steel! The noble sentiments that somehow, someway, someday you will change your companion is so much bunk and sewer swill. Swallow your pride and get the heck out of Dodge. Do not pass Go, do not accept $200. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. However you do it, whatever the price, get away from the problem before it is too late. You will get no recognition or sympathy for your sacrifice if you stay.

To those of you who ask the question "Why do they stay?" I would respond that the answer is complex. All of the reasons you have heard of for a woman staying in a relationship also exist for a man, just with a male orientation. Were I able to redo the past, I would leave at the first outburst of anger on her part--when she threw papers at me and slammed doors. The longer I stayed, the harder it became. Enough said. You get the picture.

[sandbar]

>>>People are lovable and equally deserving of justice.

I agree 100%!

[RepoGirl]

But don't act like Mr. Bobbit was a poor little victim.

Um, can you cite the point in my post where I did this? I neither addressed Mr. Bobbit nor his behavior at all. I simply commented on the reverse-sexism and the reaction I got from the so-called evolved feminists.

Reading comprehension skills. Know them. Love them.

[HungarianGypsy]

I know a woman who broke in her window after she and her husband had a huge fight. She now has domestic violence charges pressed against her. If a job requires a background check she cannot get the job so long as the charges are pending. The post office said if the charges stay on her record and she's convicted, they can give her a job. Just not while it's pending.

[Valpal1]

Sounds like you have found sanity (or at least knows what it looks like now). Wish you the best in your future.

[Terabitten]

I know a woman who broke in her window after she and her husband had a huge fight. She now has domestic violence charges pressed against her.

As she should.

[sandbar]

>>>Um, can you cite the point in my post where I did this? I neither addressed Mr. Bobbit nor his behavior at all. >>>

By portraying him as the victim (ie:Women weren't all torn up inside by his attack), you did exactly that.

>>>Reading comprehension skills. Know them. Love them.

With this attitude, same can be said for social skills.

[TKDietz]

"As a rule, I doubt most of us would press charges against our wives/girlfriends for something like this, since it's unlikely any of us would actually even need medical attention because of it anyway."

I've represented a lot of people in battery cases and in most of the cases filed at least where I live the victim never needed medical attention. Any slight mark is enough to support a conviction. A conviction could also be had without any marks if the victim alleges that she felt some substantial pain. More often than not, both parties appear to be guilty. Usually these are little squabbles that turn physical, even if it's just some pushing or something. Generally though, whoever calls the police first is the victim and the other person is the batterer, although women do tend to be believed over men. There are definitely women start lots of physical altercations and batter men. It may not be that they are beating him senseless, but they are hitting him, scratching him, throwing things at him, pushing him around, and so on. If the man doesn't walk away he will most likely be the one arrested and convicted, even if he was just trying to push her away or if he was only fighting back after repeated attacks. Woman need to leave batterers because they are likely to get hurt really bad or killed. Men who are married to or living with batterers may not be at such great risk of injury or death, but they should not stay with batterers either for the same reasons and because they are much more likely than the women to have trouble with the law when push comes to shove.

[TKDietz]

The numbers may not be completely bogus. This guy says that "4.2 per cent of abused women and 2.6 per cent of abused men report 'repeated, severe battering.'" This doesn't mean women in general are less than two times as likely to suffer repeated and severe battering. What that would mean is that _abused_ women are less than two times as likely to suffer these repeated and severe beatings than _abused_ men. There are probably far less abused men than abused women so in reality women are several times as likely to suffer severe and repeated beatings.

One factor that probably does skew the numbers fairly heavily though is that men are probably much less likely to consider themselves abused than women even if they might sometimes suffer the same types of attacks. If my wife were to slap me or push me or punch me right square in the back, I wouldn't feel like I was an abused husband. I'd probably laugh about it later and chalk another one up to my feisty wife giving me what I probably deserve. If I were to do those things to her though she would definitely feel abused and I'd likely get arrested and then beaten to a pulp by her brothers. For a man to admit to himself or others that he is abused there would probably have to be some fairly serious abuse going on. The fact that men who might technically be abused are less likely to admit it is probably one factor that makes the percentage of abused men who claim repeated severe battering so close to the percentage of abused women claiming same.

[Clemenza]

SNL did a funny skit about this in the 1970s.

[HungarianGypsy]

know a woman who broke in her window after she and her husband had a huge fight. She now has domestic violence charges pressed against her. As she should.
My husband and I agree. But, for incidents other than this. The story is that she broke in because she had stormed out and left behind her keys. The neighbors reported the breaking of the window. What got me was that the post office would hire someone who was convicted, but not while pending.

[martin gibson]

...the majority of 'feminists' were just angry, petty women...

thank you!

[RepoGirl]

By portraying him as the victim (ie:Women weren't all torn up inside by his attack), you did exactly that.

I most certainly did not. Your flaw lies in your knee-jerk assumption that by disagreeing with his treatment, I was taking sides with him. That is not the case.

I wasn't portraying him as a victim, I just disagreed with the hypocrisy I saw among the feminazis who found sexual mutilation amusing when the victim was male instead of female.

I question why you take such issue with my position in the first place, and ask if you're not guilty of the same knee-jerk reaction. The fact that I don't get a righteous belly laugh at the idea of his penis being severed with a kitchen knife doesn't make me a gender-traitor or the head (again, no pun intended) of the John Wayne Bobbit Official Fan Club.

With this attitude, same can be said for social skills.

Another really odd leap in logic, friend. You infer a lack of social skills on my part because I disagreed with your interpretation of my post and employed sarcasm in doing so? That's just plain silly... but, I guess if it gets you through the night, pal...

[RepoGirl]

You are most welcome. I can't even TELL you how many times I've been called a traitor because I don't march in lock-step with the mind-cult of modern feminism.

[sandbar]

>>>The fact that I don't get a righteous belly laugh at the idea of his penis being severed with a kitchen knife doesn't make me a gender-traitor or the head (again, no pun intended) of the John Wayne Bobbit Official Fan Club.>>>

I never inferred that myself. I simply asked if a male retaliated after years of abuse, would he be given as much leeway? No, I think not.

>>>>With this attitude, same can be said for social skills.

Another really odd leap in logic, friend. You infer a lack of social skills on my part because I disagreed with your interpretation of my post and employed sarcasm in doing so?>>>

Why? Because you chose to instead of offering substantial debate, to become a smartass and intend to mock me. Uhh, yeah, I'd say you're not all that up on social skills.

[RepoGirl]

Uh, Sandbar... I believe you DID infer thus when you took issue with me for supposedly sympathizing with JW Bobbit. I believe your exact quote was:

"By portraying him as the victim (ie:Women weren't all torn up inside by his attack), you did exactly that."

My original post was directed at the hypocrisy of feminists who decry violence against women, but laugh at violence against men. It had nothing to do with whether or not JW Bobbit would have gotten a pass if he'd mutilated Lorena instead--that was a point you raised, and was irrelevant to my position.

You impugn my debate skills, but you've yet to acknowledge any of the points I've made. I've stayed on target, you've done nothing but shuck and jive.

Nice obscenity, too. When you can't beat 'em, join him. You'd make any liberal DUmmie proud.

[sandbar]

>>> Nice obscenity, too. When you can't beat 'em, join him. You'd make any liberal DUmmie proud.>>>

OOOOhhhh, I said "ass". God help us all.

Grow up!

[RepoGirl]

OOOOhhhh, I said "ass". God help us all.
Grow up!

No, Sandbar, you didn't just say "ass", you called me an "ass" when I didn't agree with you. Trust me, I probably curse circles around you in my daily life so I'm no shrinking violet where salty language is concerned, but I don't resort to childish insults and cursing on the Freeper forum. That's the last resort of a weak mind and the sign of a bad debator.

Speaking of which, Gladys, you still haven't acknowledge my points... again you opt for the easy insult. That's not REAL impressive debate skill on your part.

I'd suggest you've got some growing up to do yourself, friend.

[A. Pole]

As a rule, I doubt most of us would press charges against our wives/girlfriends for something like this, since it's unlikely any of us would actually even need medical attention because of it anyway.

You forget that women can use tools like a knife for example. Are you immune to knife wounds?

[A. Pole]

These reports are so bogus. Women don't batter with the strength that men do. They might slap, and they might hit.

Are you saying that they are too stupid to use a tool? Or that they are too gentle to mean any harm?

[A. Pole]

Generally though, whoever calls the police first is the victim and the other person is the batterer, although women do tend to be believed over men.

Perfect description.

[chudogg]

You could take the words right out of my mouth! My ex-girlfriend was exactly like that before we broke up, then she moved out (cohabitation=bad idea, i learned the hard way) and then moved back in because she was on the lease! She did the same thing for months before i finally moved out (i said screw the roomates i aint paying).

At least 4-5 nights a week she drank until blacked out and picked fights with me. I would litterally just be trying to go to bed or be on the computer telling her to leave, but she always needed my attention or wanted to sleep with me even after we broke up. She would be all up in my face screaming nonsense, she would hit, slap, whatever; she would beckon for me to hit her back. Often, my only escape was to leave the apartment.

She got worse as it went on. Once i was leaving and i walked outside, she tried to tackle me and bounced off, slipped and fell, and just spilt all over the concrete floor outside our apartment. She was crying and screaming, i was FREAKED! If anything happened I would have been arrested. I told her that was the last straw. But she took it one step further.

Right before finals i had a project to make up, so i stayed in my room working the whole night while she drank till blacked out. Finally around 2 AM or so i went to bed looking forward to waking up at 6. She comes in and checks the computer saying she's going to her new boyfriends (like i was gonna be jealous or somethin?). She leaves the room and comes back 5 minutes later saying "why did you just do that?", i had no idea what she was talkin about. Finally she goes into a long diatribe of how i just choked her!! I couldn't believe it. I went and my pulled my roomate and told him to do whatever it takes to get her the hell out of my room. So she finally leaves and i go to bed and i hear her sobbing in the next room and telling people how she couldnt breathe and whatnot. It was the freakiest thing i ever seen! So first thing the next day, i pack up all my stuff and leave and figure ill commute from my parents till the end of the semester (1 hour drive each way). She gives me a call asking me what happened!?!? I told her what happened and said if you have any respect you will apologize to every person that was over and tell them you were lying.

Let me tell you something, i know first hand that women can absolutely psychotic, and i dont mean that 'cant make up your mind' etc. psychotic, i mean absolutely, pathologically Psycho! And if a girl is hitting you, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Im not embarrassed, im a strong guy and if another guy was doing something like that he would be laid out. I didn't even mind when she tried to hit me, i just wanted her to leave me the hell alone so i could have some peace and quite! The only thing you can do is get the hell outta there as fast as possible. Unfortunatly for me at one point i thought we were in love or something and thought living togethor was a good idea. Once that happened, i was kind of stuck until i could find another place to stay. *shudders*

[edpc]

You said "ass", but she said "cold cocked." Odd choice of words in a comment about Bobbitt. Call it even.

[cherry]

I think you'll find that a great deal of men thought the Bobbit incident was funny as well....

think of all the people that still laugh about male rape in prison, as if it was no big deal....

it is a big deal.....

[cherry]

actually....my son was in a similar circumstance as you...he was out of college and met this gothic type girl..no kidding.....and sadly they lived together but only for a short time......she was a drunk and abusive and one night after going on a binge, she started hitting on him, and his only choice was to call 911 on her......LOL......she spent the night in jail IIRC.....

that pretty much ended the relationship....... thank God

[JamesP81]

You forget that women can use tools like a knife for example. Are you immune to knife wounds?

Nope, not immune to knife wounds, but I still think most men who suffer such wounds would probably still not press charges unless it was a nearly fatal wound.

[RepoGirl]

Oh yeah, indeed they did--I think Jay Leno got a lot of mileage out of it on his monologues.

[Skooz]

Yeah, but men have to pay $250 - $300 an hour for it.

[Ghengis]

If you are White, Male or Christian you are allowed to be battered. The only unprotected class "White Christian Men".

Actually that is White Male Christian Rural/Appalachian Men. Heaven forbid if you fit in that classification and expect to be treated equally.