The Liberal Ten Commandments

When Robert F. Kennedy wrote that God punished Mississippi with Hurricane Katrina for electing former lobbyist Haley Barbour as governor, I realized that its not that liberals don't believe in God or morality, but rather that they have an entirely different viewpoint of morality. They even have their own Ten Commandments which are posted below.

II. Thou Shalt Not make to thee any image or likeness of scripture or anything that references or alludes to God and post it a public place.

IV. Remember vacation days in union contracts to keep them sacrosanct. For three days shalt thou labor, but the remaining four shall be for recreation.

V. Honor thy Public School teachers and never criticize their methods, curriculum, or results, that they may fill thy campaign coffers.

VII. Thou Shalt not judge any consensual sex act as immoral, lest thou be considered a prude.

VIII. Thou Shalt not steal unless it is from a rich man and thou useth the tax code, or if thou art a clever movie character, thou canst do it as well.

IX. Thou Shalt bear false witness and paint a deceiving picture if it advances the cause of liberalism.

X. Thou Shalt Covet thy neighbors house, thy neighbor's car, and thy neighbor's spouse. For thy neighbor hath gotten all of his goods and success by oppressing the poor. Thy covetousness shalt drive thy politics.

Adam Graham was Montana State Coordinator for the Alan Keyes campaign in 2000, and in 2004 was a candidate for the Republican nomination for the Idaho State House. He and his wife live in Garden City, Idaho. Graham writes about U.S. and Idaho politics on his blog at http://adamsweb.us/blog. You can subscribe to his nightly podcast at http://feeds.feedburner.com/blogspot/blgH

A Liberal Reading of the Ten Commandments by Stephen Burnett

I am the new ruler of everyone, which hast brought thou out of slavery to backward, out-of-date faith and into a new age of peace and redefinition of universal terms for all.

Thou shalt have no other gods before me, unless it's in the name of tolerance, diversity and respect for all manner of faiths, and supposed "non-faiths" whose core doctrine includes negating all public references to a monotheistic Deity in an effort to respect an establishment of their own religion.

Thou shalt not erect before nor within thine courthouses any graven image of the former edition of these Commandments, nor of Nativity scenes and such, for that is detestable to me. Neither shall such symbols adorn any location outside, whereupon they may be seen and recognized by persons not in allegiance to the faiths behind those symbols, after which all hope will evaporate and the sun itself will appear to darken in their eyes and they may begin to whine. Making them do this is detestable in my sight.

(Exceptions: educational backgrounds of Eastern religions, National Endowment for the Arts-sponsored desecrations of Judeo-Christian symbols, public television documentaries exposing the "Real" Jesus, secular humanism, etc. See Appendixes 4-D to 98,156-X.)

Thou shalt not misuse the name of the Lord thy God, unless thou art really mad.

Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. For in six days ye shall labor and ignore the sovereignty or principles of God or whatever throughout the week and instead use thine own judgment in matters of morality and daily living, but the seventh day is a Sabbath on which thou shalt go to a place of worship of thine choosing and close thine eyes and sing and act all religious. Honor thy father and mother, by ensuring that in their old age they will have government-subsidized prescription drugs and all funds provided by unmodified federal welfare systems of 60-year antiquity. However, thou shalt not feel obligated to honor thy father and mother if they have lived long in the land, by taking them into thine own houses and caring for them by thine own self; that is the task of The System. I have spoken.

Thou shalt not kill any living thing in a foreign country in any war that a conservative-leaning president is presiding over; neither shalt thou raise thine hand to strike any enemy in such a war. Instead thou shalt first seek to learn from the enemy why he is angry at you and attempt to negotiate and make a treaty, after which he shall strike thee and break the no-killing commandment himself, but at least thou art safe. However, thou shalt surely kill a living thing if it is not viable on its own or it is unwanted; also, thou shalt feel freely to kill based on concerns of Overpopulation.

Thou shalt not commit adultery, unless it's consensual and if the two participants really, really feel like it. Also thou shalt not infringe in any way whatsoever upon the rights of persons to gaze lustfully upon suggestive and naked images and commit adultery within their hearts, for that is not at all detestable to me as long as such persons somehow refrain from converting their repulsive thought lives into actual actions.

Neither shall there be any intolerant definitions of what constitutes "true love" or "family" in My sight, for that is detestable.

Thou shalt not steal, unless it's for a good cause and the poor will benefit, or if the object of the theft is property that could be used much more effectively by a benevolent city council for the welfare of all.

Thou shalt not give false testimony against thy neighbor, unless it's about sex, or doesn't have anything to do with thine job as president.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors' houses, nor their spouses, nor their servants, oxen, Rolexes, private jets or 401K plans, unless of course thy neighbors are much more successful or wealthier than thou, in which case they are Evil. In that event, do not hesitate to try obtaining some of their things also, by political stealth or redistribution, or by getting thine own self into debt up to thine eyeballs.

Postscript, from the soon-to-be-released Liberal Enlightenment's Favored Translation (L.E.F.T.) New Testament:

A new commandment I give unto you: never judge one another, especially if one another is a liberal. That is detestable in my sight. Neither shalt thou ever actually read the rest of the passage of the often-distorted Matthew 7 and learn that the original Jesus Christ actually asked his followers to judge everything, as long as they have not judged hypocritically and their consciences are clear in those areas.

Neither shalt thou apply simple logic to such a revised moral construction as "never, ever judge" and thus rule out the deciding of what is right and wrong for any reason because all judging is banned - except the judging of Christ-followers, conservatives and those who attempt to judge liberals, of course.

Thus saith this almighty international Supreme Court. Signed this Feb. 16 of 2016, Sovereign Chief Justice Vojislav J. Carpathia, The Hague, Netherlands.

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