Walking the Walk...Mangling the Talk (funny ebonics article)

It’s easy to understand the vernacular of a Montanan. While there is an accent of sorts, a bit of a flinty, semi-drawl with colloquial phraseology, you never wander off scratching your head over the location of the next branding party. Big Sky residents prefer an economy of words, and a simple “yup,” or “uh huh” or “reckon so” can speak volumes.

Folks in South Florida also possess understandable diction. The homogenizing population boom of the lower Gulf has basically eliminated twangs, guttural noises, clicks and whistles. The only time you can’t comprehend the words of a south Floridian is if they’re twisted on rum, which now that I think about it, is a fairly frequent occurrence.

The Ozarks can be a confusing place for conversation, as there are about seven different intonations and infinite inflections, tempos, lilts and modulations. Some folks talk slow with a Tennessee slur, others spit out words at a machine gun pace and drop either prefix of suffix with reckless abandon. Some have a nasal Southern tenor with a touch of Nashville. Down in the Missouri Boot Heel, which is more like Mississippi than Mississippi, pronunciation is vaguely reminiscent of singing Dixie with a mouthful of mashed spuds.

There’s the Brooklyn accent (not to be confused with the Bronx cheer) and the clenched-jaw patois common to native Bostonians and Thurston Howell III. In Wisconsin and Chicago the story of Ali Baba would include “farty” thieves, and Connecticut residents are unusual because (A) their dialectal has no regional oddities and (B) they voluntarily live in Connecticut.

The point of this linguistic litany is that, somehow, Americans manage to communicate despite the fact that our Mother Tongue is a tossed salad of regionalism and provincialism. We might not agree with what we hear, we might be struck dumb by unusual statements, opinions or beliefs, but we can generally grab the gist of a speaker’s point. The only place where this rule does not hold true is in California. Out in the land of fruit and nuts, the indigenous population actually supports legislation that fosters incomprehensibility.

That’s right, boys and girls. Ebonics is back. Welcome to state sanctified jive talk...the sequel.

It was in 1996 that the Oakland CA., school board recognized black street slang as a separate and distinct language, rather than an amalgamation of slurring, coughing, spitting and thinly veiled curses. In the face of national derision, and the fact that many voters didn’t like their tax dollars being spent on a lingo that serves only to hinder the futures of those who speak it, the school board blushed heartily and dropped the program.

Unfortunately, the history of man has shown us that you just can’t keep a stupid idea down. Thus it should come as no surprise that the San Bernadino City Unified School District has fawned over the thoughts of a California sociologist and determined that a thorough understanding of Ebonics is necessary to the education of black students.

This could be true, if one’s college final consists of correctly interpreting the lyrics of rap music. However it is doubtful that Ebonics will prove beneficial when it comes to landing a job in banking, engineering, physics, medicine or even manning the wheel of a taxi cab. It should be a simple and logical premise. If you can’t be understood, you will not be hired.

But an admiration of the simple and logical premise is something that was long ago jettisoned in the Golden State.

"Ebonics is a different language, it's not slang as many believe,' said Cal State San Bernadino sociologist Mary Texeira in an Associated Press article "For many of these students Ebonics is their language, and it should be considered a foreign language. These students should be taught like other students who speak a foreign language.”

However, even Texeira admits that many in the African American community see the program as foolish and self-defeating.

"There are African Americans who do not agree with me. They say that (black students) are lazy and that they need to learn to talk,” she said.

Gee...I wonder why. Perhaps it is because many African American parents would prefer that their children receive the sort of education that would allow them to thrive and prosper? Perhaps it is because they realize a mandated proficiency in street slang will destine their kids for chronic unemployment? Perhaps it is because they know this is simply a feel-good policy promoted by the all encompassing, politically correct mindset of liberal Californian academics and legislators? Perhaps it is because they would like to see results, and good report cards, and scholarships, rather than a firm understanding of an incomprehensibly cryptic gibberish which permanently renders their offspring to the category of goof-offs and social lepers? Perhaps it is because they feel that studying the works of Einstein or Dickens is more important than lip-synching to P Diddy and Eminem.

The program, approved by San Bernadino to begin in the 2005-2006 school year, has the clear and concise name of “The Students Accumulating New Knowledge Optimizing Future Accomplishment Initiative.” That’s Ebonics for “we know this is dumb as a stump but it makes us look sensitive and caring.” If the promoters of this curriculum had their way, every sub-dialect and parlance in America would be considered a language, taught in the schools as a sign of tolerance and diversity. No ethnic category would be forgotten, no pseudo-language would be spared. Give it a few decades and all peoples will gain the self esteem inherent to realizing that the language of their neighborhood, barrio, county, village or town was just as good as the next guy’s. The enlightenment would be complete when none of us understood a damn thing anybody said.

Well...not everything. Those who are taught via Ebonics will still retain a shadow of bilingual capacity. Sadly though, their discourse will be confined to the repetition of a single universal phrase.

Walkin' de Walk. Ya' know?..Manglin' de Rap (funny ebonics article)
cnsnews.com ^ | 7/21/2005 | RoloMarr

Posted on 07/21/2005 4:59:54 PM PDT by Geo'ge Stupidnopolis

It’s easy t'dig it de vernacular uh a Montanan. 'S coo', bro. While dere be an accent uh so'ts, some bit uh a flinty, semi-drawl wid colloquial phraseology, ya' neva' wanda' off scratchin' yo' haid upside de locashun uh de next brandin' party. Slap mah fro! Big Sky residents prefa' an economy uh wo'ds, and some simple “yup,” o' “uh huh” o' “reckon so” kin rap volumes.

Folks in Soud Flo'ida also possess dig itable dicshun. De homogenizin' populashun boom uh de lowa' Gulf gots basically eliminated twangs, guttural noises, clicks and whistles. De only time ya' kin’t comprehend da damn wo'ds uh a soud Flo'idian be if dey’re twisted on rum, which now dat ah' dink about it, be a fairly frequent occurrence.

De Ozarks kin be some confusin' place fo' conversashun, as dere is about seven different intonashuns and infinite inflecshuns, tempos, lilts and modulashuns. Some folks rap slow wid some Tennessee slur, oders spit out wo'ds at some machine gun pace and drop eida' prefix uh suffix wid reckless abandon. 'S coo', bro. Some gots some nasal Soudern teno' wid some touch uh Nashville. Waaay down in de Missouri Boot Heel, which be mo'e likes Mississippi dan Mississippi, pronunciashun be vaguely reminiscent uh sin'in' Dixie wid some moudful uh mashed spuds.

Dere’s de Brooklyn accent (not t'be confused wid de Bronx cheer) and da damn clenched-jaw patois common t'native Bostonians and Durston Howell III. In Wisconsin and Chicago de sto'y uh Ali Baba would include “farty” dieves, and Connecticut residents is unusual cuz' (A) deir dialectal gots no regional oddities and (B) dey voluntarily live in Connecticut. Man!

De point uh dis lin'uistic litany be dat, somehow, Americans manage t'communicate despite da damn fact dat our Moda' Tongue be a tossed salad uh regionalism and provincialism. WORD! We might not agree wid whut we hear, we might be struck dumb by unusual statements, opinions o' beliefs, but we kin generally grab de gist uh a raper’s point. Man! De only place where dis rule duz not hold true be in Califo'nia. WORD! Out in de land uh fruit and nuts, de indigenous populashun actually suppo'ts legislashun dat fosters incomprehensibility. Slap mah fro!

Dat’s right, boys and goats. Ebonics be back. Ya' know? Welcome t'state sanctified JIBE rap...de sequel.

It wuz in 1996 dat da damn Oakland CA., farm bo'd recognized brother street slang as some separate and distinct language, rada' dan an amalgamashun uh slurrin', coughin', spittin' and dinly veiled curses. In de face uh nashunal derision, and da damn fact dat many voters dun didn’t likes deir tax dollars bein' spent on some lin'o dat serves only t'hinda' de futures uh dose who rap it, de farm bo'd blushed heartily and dropped da damn honky code.

Unfo'tunately, de histo'y uh man gots shown us dat ya' plum can’t keep some stupid idea waaay down. Dus it should mosey on down as no surprise dat da damn San Bernadino City Unified Farm District gots fawned upside de doughts uh a Califo'nia sociologist and determined dat some do'ough dig itin' uh Ebonics be necessary t'de educashun uh black students.

Dis could be true, if one’s college final consists uh co'rectly interpretin' de lyrics uh rap beat. Howeva' it be doubtful dat Ebonics gots'ta prove beneficial when it comes t'landin' some job in bankin', engineerin', physics, medicine o' even mannin' de wheel uh a taxi cab. Co' got d' beat! It should be some simple and logical premise. If ya' kin’t be understood, ya' gots'ta not be hired.

But an admirashun uh de simple and logical premise be sump'n dat wuz long ago jettisoned in de Golden State.

"Ebonics be a different language, it's not slang as many recon',' said Cal State San Bernadino sociologist Snow Flake Texeira in an Associated Press article "Fo' many uh dese students Ebonics be deir language, and it should be considered some fo'eign language. Dese students should be taught likes oda' students who rap some fo'eign language.”

However, even Texeira admits dat many in de African American community see da damn honky code as honkyfoolish and self-defeatin'.

"Dere is African Americans who do not agree wid me. Dey say dat (black students) is lazy and dat dey need t'learn t'talk,” she said.

Gee...I wonda' why. Slap mah fro! Perhaps it be a'cuz many African American parents would prefa' dat deir children receive da damn radical educashun dat would allow dem t'drive and prospuh'? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey realize some mandated proficiency in street slang gots'ta destine deir kids fo' chronic unemployment? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey know dis be simply some feel-baaaad policy promoted by de all encompassin', politically co'rect mindset uh liberal Califo'nian academics and legislato's? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey would likes t'see results, and baaaad repo't cards, and scholarships, rada' dan some firm dig itin' uh an incomprehensibly cryptic gibberish which puh'manently renders deir offsprin' t'de catego'y uh goof-offs and social lepuh's? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey feel dat studyin' de wo'ks uh Einstein o' Dickens be mo'e impo'tant dan lip-synchin' t'P Diddy and Eminem. WORD!

De honky code, approved by San Bernadino t'begin in de 2005-2006 farm year, gots de clear and concise dojigger uh “De Students Accumulatin' New Knowledge Optimizin' Future Accomplishment Initiative.” Dat’s Ebonics fo' “we know dis be dumb as some stump but it makes us look sensitive and carin'.” If de promoters uh dis curriculum had deir way, every sub-dialect and parlance in America would be considered some language, taught in de farms as some sign uh tolerance and diversity. Slap mah fro! No ednic catego'y would be fo'gotsten, no pseudo-language would be spared. Give it some few decades and all sucka'ss gots'ta gain de self esteem inherent t'realizin' dat da damn language uh deir neighbo'hood, barrio, county, village o' town wuz plum as baaaad as de next dude’s. De enlightenment would be complete when none uh us understood some damn doodad any fool said.

Well...not everydin'. Dose who is taught via Ebonics gots'ta still retain some shadow uh bilin'ual capacity. Slap mah fro! Sadly dough, deir discourse gots'ta be confined t'de repetishun uh a raple universal phrase.

“Want fries wit dat?”

It’s easy t'dig it de vernacular uh a Montanan. 'S coo', bro. While dere be an accent uh so'ts, some bit uh a flinty, semi-drawl wid colloquial phraseology, ya' neva' wanda' off scratchin' yo' haid upside de locashun uh de next brandin' party. Slap mah fro! Big Sky residents prefa' an economy uh wo'ds, and some simple “yup,” o' “uh huh” o' “reckon so” kin rap volumes. Folks in Soud Flo'ida also possess dig itable dicshun. De homogenizin' populashun boom uh de lowa' Gulf gots basically eliminated twangs, guttural noises, clicks and whistles. De only time ya' kin’t comprehend da damn wo'ds uh a soud Flo'idian be if dey’re twisted on rum, which now dat ah' dink about it, be a fairly frequent occurrence. De Ozarks kin be some confusin' place fo' conversashun, as dere is about seven different intonashuns and infinite inflecshuns, tempos, lilts and modulashuns. Some folks rap slow wid some Tennessee slur, oders spit out wo'ds at some machine gun pace and drop eida' prefix uh suffix wid reckless abandon. 'S coo', bro. Some gots some nasal Soudern teno' wid some touch uh Nashville. Waaay down in de Missouri Boot Heel, which be mo'e likes Mississippi dan Mississippi, pronunciashun be vaguely reminiscent uh sin'in' Dixie wid some moudful uh mashed spuds. Dere’s de Brooklyn accent (not t'be confused wid de Bronx cheer) and da damn clenched-jaw patois common t'native Bostonians and Durston Howell III. In Wisconsin and Chicago de sto'y uh Ali Baba would include “farty” dieves, and Connecticut residents is unusual cuz' (A) deir dialectal gots no regional oddities and (B) dey voluntarily live in Connecticut. Man! De point uh dis lin'uistic litany be dat, somehow, Americans manage t'communicate despite da damn fact dat our Moda' Tongue be a tossed salad uh regionalism and provincialism. WORD! We might not agree wid whut we hear, we might be struck dumb by unusual statements, opinions o' beliefs, but we kin generally grab de gist uh a raper’s point. Man! De only place where dis rule duz not hold true be in Califo'nia. WORD! Out in de land uh fruit and nuts, de indigenous populashun actually suppo'ts legislashun dat fosters incomprehensibility. Slap mah fro! Dat’s right, boys and goats. Ebonics be back. Ya' know? Welcome t'state sanctified JIBE rap...de sequel. It wuz in 1996 dat da damn Oakland CA., farm bo'd recognized brother street slang as some separate and distinct language, rada' dan an amalgamashun uh slurrin', coughin', spittin' and dinly veiled curses. In de face uh nashunal derision, and da damn fact dat many voters dun didn’t likes deir tax dollars bein' spent on some lin'o dat serves only t'hinda' de futures uh dose who rap it, de farm bo'd blushed heartily and dropped da damn honky code. Unfo'tunately, de histo'y uh man gots shown us dat ya' plum can’t keep some stupid idea waaay down. Dus it should mosey on down as no surprise dat da damn San Bernadino City Unified Farm District gots fawned upside de doughts uh a Califo'nia sociologist and determined dat some do'ough dig itin' uh Ebonics be necessary t'de educashun uh black students. Dis could be true, if one’s college final consists uh co'rectly interpretin' de lyrics uh rap beat. Howeva' it be doubtful dat Ebonics gots'ta prove beneficial when it comes t'landin' some job in bankin', engineerin', physics, medicine o' even mannin' de wheel uh a taxi cab. Co' got d' beat! It should be some simple and logical premise. If ya' kin’t be understood, ya' gots'ta not be hired. But an admirashun uh de simple and logical premise be sump'n dat wuz long ago jettisoned in de Golden State. "Ebonics be a different language, it's not slang as many recon',' said Cal State San Bernadino sociologist Snow Flake Texeira in an Associated Press article "Fo' many uh dese students Ebonics be deir language, and it should be considered some fo'eign language. Dese students should be taught likes oda' students who rap some fo'eign language.” However, even Texeira admits dat many in de African American community see da damn honky code as honkyfoolish and self-defeatin'. "Dere is African Americans who do not agree wid me. Dey say dat (black students) is lazy and dat dey need t'learn t'talk,” she said. Gee...I wonda' why. Slap mah fro! Perhaps it be a'cuz many African American parents would prefa' dat deir children receive da damn radical educashun dat would allow dem t'drive and prospuh'? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey realize some mandated proficiency in street slang gots'ta destine deir kids fo' chronic unemployment? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey know dis be simply some feel-baaaad policy promoted by de all encompassin', politically co'rect mindset uh liberal Califo'nian academics and legislato's? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey would likes t'see results, and baaaad repo't cards, and scholarships, rada' dan some firm dig itin' uh an incomprehensibly cryptic gibberish which puh'manently renders deir offsprin' t'de catego'y uh goof-offs and social lepuh's? Perhaps it be a'cuz dey feel dat studyin' de wo'ks uh Einstein o' Dickens be mo'e impo'tant dan lip-synchin' t'P Diddy and Eminem. WORD! De honky code, approved by San Bernadino t'begin in de 2005-2006 farm year, gots de clear and concise dojigger uh “De Students Accumulatin' New Knowledge Optimizin' Future Accomplishment Initiative.” Dat’s Ebonics fo' “we know dis be dumb as some stump but it makes us look sensitive and carin'.” If de promoters uh dis curriculum had deir way, every sub-dialect and parlance in America would be considered some language, taught in de farms as some sign uh tolerance and diversity. Slap mah fro! No ednic catego'y would be fo'gotsten, no pseudo-language would be spared. Give it some few decades and all sucka'ss gots'ta gain de self esteem inherent t'realizin' dat da damn language uh deir neighbo'hood, barrio, county, village o' town wuz plum as baaaad as de next dude’s. De enlightenment would be complete when none uh us understood some damn doodad any fool said. Well...not everydin'. Dose who is taught via Ebonics gots'ta still retain some shadow uh bilin'ual capacity. Slap mah fro! Sadly dough, deir discourse gots'ta be confined t'de repetishun uh a raple universal phrase. “Want fries wit dat?”

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